I'm your host Stephen Colbert.

我是你的主持人史蒂芬·柯貝爾

( cheers and applause ) The election was just two days ago,

(歡呼和掌聲) 選舉剛在兩天前結束

but it feels like five years ago.

但已經感覺像五年前這麼久

( laughter ) what's a Beto?

(笑聲) 貝托是什麼？(Beto 指一名美國眾議院議員)

Was that a candy bar or something?

是個糖果條還是什麼嗎？

And in the last 48 hours Donald Trump has put some points on the board.

在過去 48 小時內川普已經讓我們清楚認識到幾件事

For instance he's banned a journalist.

例如，他禁了一名記者

That's very strongman.

非常有威脅性的人物

I'm not saying he's kim jong un. He's kim jong-ish.

我不是在說他是金正恩。他是「有點像」金正恩

( laughter ) Here's what happened: yesterday,

(笑聲) 到底發生什麼事：昨日

at a White House press tantrum, the president and CNN's Jim Acosta

在一場白宮記者會耍脾氣，總統跟 CNN 的吉姆·阿科斯塔

got into it okay, until an intern was dispatched:

開始起爭執，直到一位實習生被派過去:

do you think that you demonized immigrants?

你覺得你有沒有妖魔化移民？

No, not at all.

不，一點也沒有

I want them, I want them to come into the country but they have to come in legally.

我想要、我想要他們進入這個國家，但他們要合法的進來

They're hundreds and hundreds of miles away.

他們在好幾萬英里遠

That's not an invasion.

那不適一場入侵

Honestly, I think you should let me run the country

老實說，我覺得你應該讓我主導這個國家

You run CNN, and if you did it well, your ratings would be much better.

你去管 CNN，如果你管得好，你的評分也會好很多

If I may ask one other question, Mr. President, If I may ask one other question

能否讓我問另一個問題，總統先生，能讓我問另一個問題

- Are you worried a... - That's enough!

- 您在擔心... - 夠了！

- That's enough! - Mr. President, I'm just gonna ask one other question...the other folks

- 夠了！ - 總統先生，我只要在問您一個問題...其他人

Pardon me, ma'am.

抱歉，小姐

Stephen: that's got to be the worst intern assignment.

史蒂芬：那真是最糟的時犧牲工作了

( laughter ) "Okay, ahh, guys gather round. Alan, you're in charge of

(笑聲) 「好的，呃，大家靠過來。艾倫，你今天負責

coffee runs today, Brad, you're in charge of making copies, and

端咖啡給大家，布萊德，你負責印東西，然後

Cathie, you'll be destroying the first amendment. Okay.

凱西，你負責毀掉美國憲法第一修正案，可以嗎？(指剝奪言論自由、侵犯新聞自由等)

( laughter ) Remember, it's for college credit. For College credit, okay?

(笑聲) 記得，這是為了大學學分。為了大學學分，好嗎？

Let's go get them.

讓我們一起拿下他們。

( cheers and applause ) then last night, the White House

(歡呼和掌聲) 然後昨晚，白宮

revoked Jim Acosta's press pass.

撤回吉姆·阿科斯塔記者通行證

Oh no!

喔不！

Now how will he "Not" get answers to his questions!

現在他將是如何的得「不」到問題的回答！

( laughter ) a lot of people are outraged about this, very upset

(笑聲) 許多人都對這件事很生氣，非常沮喪

But press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, she defended the

但是白宮新聞秘書莎拉·桑德斯，她為這個決定辯護

Decision saying, "President Trump believes in a free press

並說：「川普總統相信媒體自由

and expects and welcomes tough

也期待和歡迎針對他或他的行政團隊

questions of him and his administration.

的困難問題

We will, however, never tolerate a reporter placing his hands

然而，我們永遠不會忍受一名記者將他的手放在

on a young woman just trying to do her job as a white house

一位年輕女性上，她只是要做自己身為白宮實習生

Intern."

的工作而已。」

And she included this video: the intern reaches for the mic

他還包含了這部影片：實習生將手伸向麥克風

And, there it goes, and hi-ya!

然後，來了，唉呀！

( laughter ) that is terrible, or it would be,

(笑聲) 那真的很可怕，或會變得很可怕

If it weren't "Fake news."

如果它不是「假新聞」的話

Because "Sarah Sanders tweeted a doctored video."

因為「莎拉·桑德斯推特的是一部爨改過的影片。」

We should've known, we should have known because in the same video, Trump looked

我們早該知道的，我們早該知道的，因為同一部影片中，川普看起來

Like this.

像這樣

( laughter ) looking good.

(笑聲) 看起來不錯喔！

And where did the white house get that doctored video?

而白宮是在哪裡得到那部影片的呢？

It appears to have originated with far-right conspiracy site

看起來似乎是從極右派的陰謀網

"InfoWars."

「資訊戰爭」

( booing ) now, if anyone out there is not familiar with

(噓聲) 現在，如果有誰不熟悉什麼是

InfoWars, congratulations, can we switch brains?

資訊戰爭網，恭喜你，我們可以交換腦袋嗎？

( laughter ) because infowars is a far right website

(笑聲) 因為資訊戰爭網是一個極右派網站

Founded by TV talk show host and hot dog, you forgot to pierce

由電視脫口秀主詞人所成立，而且你看起來像忘了在微波前

before microwaving, Alex Jones.

先插洞的熱狗，艾力克斯·瓊斯

( laughter ) ( cheers and applause )

(笑聲) (歡呼和掌聲)

So that's Sanders' reliable source.

所以那就是桑德斯的可靠來源

"CNN is fake news, and to prove it, here's a video from a

「 CNN 是假新聞，為了證明這點，這是從一個

reputable news source that believes the government is

受人尊敬的新聞來源的來的影片，它相信政府正在

putting plastic liners in juice boxes to turn our sons into

果汁包裝盒內放入塑膠內襯，讓我們的而自變成

Gay frogs."

同性戀的青蛙。」

( laughter ) and the fact that the White

(笑聲) 並且白宮新聞秘書

House press secretary is promoting this doctored video

在傳播這經竄改過的影片

is reprehensible, and grounds for dismissal.

這是應該受譴責的，且可構成免職的理由

Or as they call it in the Trump administration, "Thursday."

又或者在川普的行政團隊中，稱之為「星期四」

( laughter ) It's going to be hard to trust; it's gonna be hard after this, now that we know it is doctored's

(笑聲) 我們將會很難相信 ; 經過這件事後，我們將會很難相信他們，在我們知道影片是經竄改過的後

It's gonna be hard to trust all the other footage they've released like: April Ryan

我們將很難相信所有他們所發佈的影片，像是：阿普里爾·萊恩

shooting flames out of her mouth, and Jake Tapper killing

從她的最中噴射火焰，和傑克·塔柏爾殺死

Han Solo!

韓·索羅！

How could you, Jake!

你怎麼可以這樣，傑克！

He was your father!

他是你的爸爸呀！