Is that right?

對嗎?

Which one are you? (laughs) No, no.

是哪一位啊?(笑) 不，不是

What? I'm Franz.

什麼? 我是Franz

Franz, I thought you were Hans.

Franz，我以為你是Hans

No, Franz.

不，是Franz

And you're, what are you, you're Dietrich?

那你是，你是誰，Dietrich?

You're Simon.

你是Simon

Simon...

Simon

Hans. Hans.

Hans. Hans

No, Franz.

不是啦，是Franz

Franz.

Franz

What?

蝦咪?

Franz.

Franz

Arrgh.

吼

I've had a lot of these.

我喝太多了

Today I want to learn traditional Bavarian dance.

今天我想學跳傳統的巴伐利亞舞蹈

You guys are experts.

你們是專家

We are.

是的

You are brothers.

你們是兄弟

This is the, what is happening now?

這是什麼啊?

There's a vest here.

是個背心

That's a vest, yes.

沒錯

This is like sort of like a leprechaun thing.

有點像是（愛爾蘭傳說的）小妖精穿的

And then you have-

然後還有...

These are lederhosen.

這是皮短褲

Well, they're bondage shorts.

喔，這是束褲吧

What's going on with the socks?

那這個襪子是怎麼了?

[Franz] It's called loferl.

它叫Loferl(德文)

I'm sure that's German for pieces of socks.

我想這一定是襪子碎片的德文

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

What's going on here?

這是什麼啊?

You've got two spoons in your pocket,

口袋裡有兩個湯匙

what do you use those for?

它們是用來幹嘛的?

(spoons tapping) (folk music)

(輕拍湯匙)(民族音樂)

(audience applause)

(觀眾笑)

It hurts!

很痛欸!

It's painful.

這很痛!

You brought a musician with you?

你們還帶了伴奏來?

Appreciate you leaving your cuckoo clock to be here.

很高興你沒帶咕咕鐘來這

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

It's a big house.

那是個大屋子

How do you say "zing" in German?

德文「zing」怎麼說?

Zing, got him.

Zing(挑剔之意)，是他吧

Right?

對吧?

Yeah.

對

You guys have worked together before?

你們之前共事過嗎?

Yes, we, have.

是，我們，共事過

Are you their father?

你是他們的爸爸嗎?

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

You're the father.

你是爸爸

No one told me that!

沒人告訴過我啊

What the hell?

搞什麼

You just found out that this is your father?

你是剛發現他是你爸嗎?

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

Suddenly I'm the German Maury Povich.

我突然變成德國版的莫瑞·波維奇了(美國以前的脫口秀主持人)

I deserve a swig after that.

在開始之前我先來上一口

I think I should begin, learn some dance,

我想應該要開始學些舞蹈了

we're gonna learn some, what kind of dancing is it called?

我們要學...這種舞蹈叫什麼啊?

Schuhplattler.

Schuhplattler(起源於巴伐利亞、德國以及奧地利的巴伐利亞民族舞)

Schuhplattler.

Schuhplattler

Schuhplattler.

Schuhplattler

You can't learn the Schuhplattler

你的樣子不像巴伐利亞人

when you don't look like a Bavarian.

就不能學Schuhplattler

(accordion fanfare)

(手風琴演奏)

(audience cheers and claps)

(觀眾歡呼拍手)

I’m ready to learn. Looking good.

我準備好了，著裝完畢

Good to see you.

很高興看到你們

Groupa, schtarmia, let us begin.

Groupa, schtarmia, 我們開始吧

(singing in foreign language)

(外語唱歌)

(Conan holds a high note)

(Conan飆高音)

(Conan sings in foreign language)

(外語唱歌)

(audience cheers)

(觀眾歡呼)

We're gonna show you what you got yourself into.

我們先示範跳一次你待會要學的

Okay.

OK

(shoes tapping)

(鞋子踏步)

(folk music)

(民族音樂)

(shrieking)

(尖叫)

You think I could learn this?

你覺得我學得來嗎?

But I'm not like your sons, you can't beat me

但我不是你兒子，

with a wooden stick to make me dance.

你不能用木棒逼我跳舞

They didn't want this, this isn't what they wanted.

他們也不想要這樣，這不是他們想做的啊

They wanted to work with computers.

他們想用電腦工作啊

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

No, no!

不行，不行!

They can do both.

他們可以兼顧的

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

Come on. Come on.

來吧來吧

The guy's a monster.

那傢伙是怪物

One, two, three, four, onetzee, pantzee, badampampam.

一，二，三，四.............

I mean close enough.

我跳得夠像了

Closer, please.

請在跳像一點

Closer.

像一點

Stick.

忍住

You guys know what I'm talking about.

你們了解我在說什麼吧

So one, two, three, four, pa-

一，二，三，四...

Where are your hands?

你的手咧?

Exactly.

對

You knew where my hands were.

你們知道我的手在哪啊

Don't be a dick and say "Where are they?"

別像個警察，然後問他們在哪?

I think we know where they are.

我覺得我們應該都知道他們在哪

How come you have no accent?

你怎沒口音啊?

I don't understand what's happening here.

我搞不懂這裡到底是怎麼了

First of all you are, I mean, clearly

第一，你呢，顯然是...

you were carved out of a sausage.

你簡直就是刻出來的香腸模子

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

And then you actually seem like a German guy.

你確實像個德國人

This guy is like,

啊這位就像是

"Dude, let's wax up the board, let's catch some rays."

「老兄，我們來衝浪，做日光浴吧」

What's happened to him?

他是怎麼了?

Do you know Billy Joel's the piano man?

你知道鋼琴家比利喬嗎?

Yeah, I've heard about.

知道啊，我聽過

(speaks in German)

(德語)

We're not talking about that.

我們不是在講那個

I'm just asking if you knew Billy Joe's the piano man,

我只是問你知不知道鋼琴家比利喬

that's all.

就這樣

Later on.

待會再說

First work, then the fun.

先工作，再來玩

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

Fun childhood for both of you.

你們兩個的童年還真有趣

Two, three, hit it.

二，三，開始

Hey, one second.

嘿，等等

Again, ah?

再一次，蛤?

So you play-

你要...

I think you started a little early.

我覺得你有點搶拍了

No, I just gave you the chance to be in the right spot.

沒有，我只是給你機會跟上舞步

[Franz] So Conan, come on.

[Franz] Conan, 拜託啦

Does he ever admit he's wrong?

他是從不承認錯誤嗎?

No.

不

One recommendation, group therapy.

給你個建議，集體療法

Would you think about it, with your two sons?

你和你兒子有考慮到嗎?

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

So you're saying no therapy, let's just keep

所以你的意思是沒有療法，

with this insane scheme of yours,

就是繼續你那瘋狂的計劃

to make your children dance and dance and dance

讓你的孩子一直跳一直跳一直跳

until the grave.

跳到進墳墓

Ready?

準備好囉?

Just one suggestion.

給你個建議

Don't spread your fingers like this.

不要像這樣張開手指

We know you have 10 fingers.

我們都知道你有10支手指

It looks better to do that.

這樣比較好看

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

(audience applause)

(觀眾鼓掌)

Two, three, four.

二，三，四

(hands and shoes tapping) (folk music)

(手和鞋子輕拍踏)(民族音樂)

(shrieking)

(尖叫)

(audience cheering and clapping)

(觀眾歡呼鼓掌)

Pretty good.

非常好

You know, I'm only in town for a couple days.

你知道我只在這城鎮待幾天而已

I think this is pretty good.

我覺得這夠好了

Now, I know not by this guy's standards.

我知道還不到那傢伙的標準啦

There are certainly a few things which we could improve.

顯然我們還有很多進步空間

You just do like, you just hit us.

你只要這樣做，和我們互擊

Got it?

懂嗎?

(hands tapping)

(手拍打)

Oh.

噢

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

Hey!

嘿!

Which one hit me in the face?

誰打我臉?

Who did that?

誰幹的?

You guys have been doing this since you were fetuses.

你們從出生就在做這種事

I mean, literally you were born,

就是字面上的意思

your dad squeezed you into some leather pants,

你們一出生老爸就要你們穿皮褲

started hitting you with the wooden spoons,

開始拿著木湯匙敲來敲去

and making you live out this sick dream.

讓你們活在這病態的夢裡

And now you're ganging up on me.

現在你們又聯合起來對付我

And I don't like it.

我不喜歡這樣

I wanna bring in someone who's the most German guy I know.

我要請我認識最像德國人的人來

Could you come in here, please?

可以麻煩你進來嗎?

Wie geht es, boys.

你們好嗎?(德語)

Andy.

Andy

What are you doing here?

你來這幹嘛?

Well, this is the only place

這裡是唯一

I can really be in my natural state

真正讓我做自己的地方

without breaking up too many marriages (laughs).

也不會破壞太多的婚姻(笑)

Hear these?

聽到了嗎?

This is like the reason you put a bell on a cat.

這就像為何你要為貓掛鈴鐺

So it can't catch too many birds.

這樣他才不會抓到太多的鳥

Ladies gonna be sneaking up on us.

女士們就會悄悄得靠近

Because of your German roots,

因為你的德國血統，

I think this is gonna come very natural for you.

我想這對你來說應該會很自在

Alright, let's give it a try.

好了，我們來試試吧

Okay.

OK

(folk music)

(民族音樂)

(hands tapping)

(腳踏步)

(shrieking)

(尖叫)

You condone this?

你能接受嗎?

(audience laughing)

(觀眾笑)

Yes.

可

Brother-on-brother ass play, that's insane.

兄弟互相打屁股，真的是太狂了

That's kinda weird.

是有點怪啦

Yeah.

對啊

Hold on.

撐住

(folk music)

(民族音樂)

(audience laughing an cheering)

(觀眾笑和歡呼)

You enjoyed watching that?

你看得很開心嗎?

Us slapping each other's asses?

看我們互相打對方的屁股?

You like that?

你喜歡看嗎?

It's part of the show.

這只是節目的一部分而已

Oh yeah, everything's part of your little show, isn't it?

喔是啊，每個都是你的小節目的一部分，不是嗎?

I know what you've been doing,

我知道你在幹嘛，

and it stops now.

現在夠了

It stops now.

夠了你

(folk music)

(民族音樂)