Name: 克莉絲汀·諾姆：有優勢的領袖！| 歐巴馬的政府外星人掩蓋真相 | 飲食禁忌大公開！ (Kristi Noem: A Boss With Benefits | Obama's Alien Coverup | How Not To Eat Your Food)
Uploaded: 2026-02-19T21:36:02.000Z
Duration: 12 min 13 s

Welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world, to the Late Show.

歡迎各位來到 Late Show，無論是在這裡、在那裡，還是全世界的觀眾。

I'm your host, Stephen Colbert, ladies and gentlemen.

我是你們的主持人 Stephen Colbert，各位觀眾。

You know, first of all, start off by saying happy President's Day, everybody.

首先，先祝大家 President's Day 快樂。

And I just want to warn you right off the bean here, that does not apply to all presidents.

我先跟大家說一下，這不是適用於所有總統喔。

I don't know about you, I'm a President's Day originalist, okay?

我不知道你們怎麼樣，但我可是 President's Day 的原教旨主義者，好嗎？

When I was a kid, we had a few presidents birthdays that we celebrated in different days in the winter.

我小時候，冬天有幾個總統的生日，我們會在不同的日子慶祝。

And those holidays were eventually merged into one, I believe, following an accident at the Fermilab particle accelerator, they jammed together into what we now call President's Day.

而且這些節日後來被合併成一個，我猜，在 Fermilab particle accelerator 發生意外後，他們把這些節日擠在一起，變成了我們現在稱的 President's Day。

But this still does not apply to every single president, okay?

但這還是不適用於所有總統喔，好嗎？

It is specifically honoring our first president, George Washington, our 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, and

這是特別為了紀念我們的第一任總統 George Washington、第十六任總統 Abraham Lincoln，還有

Speaking of the executive branch, we recently got some new scoops about Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem, seen here swearing to fill the lip, the whole lip, and

說到 executive branch，我們最近收到一些關於 國土安全部長 Kristi Noem 的新爆料，看她在這裡發誓要填滿嘴脣，整個嘴脣，而且

Last week, last week, liberal rag the Wall Street Journal published an expose all about Noem.

上週，上週，自由派的《華爾街日報》刊登了一篇關於 Noem 的爆料。

And it's the kind of article that gets published only if everyone who works for you cannot wait to tell a reporter just how awful you are.

這類型的文章只有在你手下所有員工都迫不及待想跟記者說你有多糟糕時才會刊登。

The Journal reports that Noem is jealous of Trump's other top immigration henchman, a border czar, Tom Homan, seen here demanding the Costco lady fill that sample cup to the brim with Kirkland chili.

《華爾街日報》報導，Noem 嫉妒 Trump 的另一位頂級移民事務的得力助手，邊境事務主管 Tom Homan，他被拍到要求 Costco 的女士將 Kirkland chili 裝滿杯子。

Apparently, Noem was so worried that Trump would like Homan more than he likes her that she kept track of both their media appearances to make sure that she was on TV more than him, and

顯然，Noem 非常擔心 Trump 會比喜歡她更喜歡 Homan，所以她會記錄兩人的媒體曝光度，確保自己比他上電視的時間多，而且

even routinely berated staff if she saw Homan on tv, I mean, anywhere, including his popular anti immigrant sitcom, Home Improvement.

而且，她甚至會例行性地斥責員工，只要看到 Homan 在電視上出現，我是說，任何地方，包括他那個受歡迎的反移民情境喜劇 Home Improvement。

The neighbor was behind the fence because he was scared of it.

鄰居是因為害怕而躲在籬笆後面。

While she reportedly doesn't like that MAGA dude, it's rumored that there are some MAGA dudes that she do like and does do.

雖然她據說不喜歡那位 MAGA 男子，但有傳言說，有些 MAGA 男子是她喜歡而且會做的。

For example, top advisor and disgruntled pencil, Corey Lewandowski.

例如，她的頂級顧問兼心懷不滿的鉛筆，Corey Lewandowski。

On the bus or off the bus, but the boo bus is leaving the station.

上車或下車，但噓聲巴士已經離開車站了。

Noem is Cory's boss and possibly boss with benefits because that rumor is that the two of them are in a romantic relationship even though they're both married with children.

Noem 是 Cory 的老闆，而且可能是帶有福利的老闆，因為傳言說他們兩個正在談戀愛，儘管他們都已婚並育有子女。

Okay, if that romantic part is true, Cory, a word of warning.

好的，如果那段戀情是真的，Cory，給你一個警告。

好了，火上加油，這事越來越怪了。

According to the Wall Street Journal, again, they have lately been using a luxury 737 Max jet with a private cabin in the back.

根據《華爾街日報》的報導，他們最近一直在使用一架配有私人艙的豪華 737 Max 噴射機。

Boing, oink, oing, oink, oink, Boing, boing, oing, oing, oing, boing.

波音，哼哼哼哼，波音，哼哼哼哼，波音。

Yeah, you know, we've been off for a week and we missed a lot of stories.

是啊，你知道，我們休息了一週，錯過了很多新聞。

Like, I got bangs, and then I got rid of them.

像是，我剪了瀏海，然後又剪掉了。

但我們也錯過了一些比較奇怪的。

Like last Wednesday, when the FAA abruptly shut down the airspace over El Paso, Texas.

像是上週三，聯邦航空總署突然關閉了德州艾爾帕索的空域。

After seeing what they thought to be a drone flying near the airport, the FAA unilaterally shut down El Paso's airspace, restricting all planes flying below 18,000ft for 10 days.

在看到他們認為有無人機在機場附近飛行後，聯邦航空總署單方面關閉了艾爾帕索的空域，限制所有低於一萬八千英尺的飛機飛行十天。

Something that hasn't happened since 9 11.

這件事自九一一以來就沒發生過了。

Now, understandably, understandably, as you can see there, people were freaking out.

當然，可以理解，可以理解，你們看，大家當時都嚇壞了。

But only for a bit, because the restriction was lifted after only eight hours after CBP officials used a laser counter drone weapon to take out the objects that were later identified as party balloons.

但只是一小段時間，因為在海關及邊境保衛局官員使用雷射反無人機武器擊落了後來被辨識為派對氣球的物體後，限制只維持了八小時就解除了。

There's absolutely no excuse for using military grade battle lasers to shoot down party balloons.

用軍用級戰鬥雷射擊落派對氣球，這完全說不過去。

Which I believe was taken from the Elmo bodies exhibit.

我相信那是在艾莫的遺體展覽裡拿來的。

So this was a huge misunderstanding, right?

Because Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy released a statement saying the FAA and Department of War acted swiftly to address a cartel drone incursion.

因為交通部長 Sean Duffy 發布聲明表示，聯邦航空總署和國防部迅速採取行動，處理了販毒集團的無人機入侵事件。

Sir, this is far more serious than something from a cartel.

先生，這比販毒集團的事嚴重多了。

This is from a desperate parrot who just spent an afternoon at Party City.

這應該是隻剛在 Party City 待了一個下午的 desesperate 鸚鵡帶來的。

Why is one Mylar balloon more expensive than 20 regular ones?

為什麼一個鋁箔氣球比 20 個普通氣球還貴？

全是新的，但也蒙上了一層灰。

派對氣球還是販毒集團的無人機？

Because over the weekend, President Obama went on a podcast and dropped this bomb.

因為週末的時候，歐巴馬總統上了一個Podcast節目，投下了一顆震撼彈。

But of course, Obama tried to backtrack the next day by posting let Me clarify.

但當然，歐巴馬隔天試圖收回，發文說「讓我澄清一下」。

I saw no evidence during my presidency that extraterrestrials have made contact with us.

在我擔任總統期間，我沒有看到任何證據顯示外星人跟我們有接觸。

This is why everyone likes Michelle better.

這就是為什麼大家比較喜歡蜜雪兒。

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克莉絲汀·諾姆：有優勢的領袖！| 歐巴馬的政府外星人掩蓋真相 | 飲食禁忌大公開！ (Kristi Noem: A Boss With Benefits | Obama's Alien Coverup | How Not To Eat Your Food)

apparently

specifically

freak

butt