Name: 川普在達沃斯要求格陵蘭！還怒批第一年「政績」？| 吉米夜現場 (Trump Demands Greenland at Davos & Literally Trashes First-Year “Accomplishments” | The Daily Show)
Uploaded: 2026-01-26T03:11:53.000Z
Duration: 11 min 14 s

Yesterday marked one year since Trump's inauguration.

So Trump decided to crash the White House press briefing to tout his accomplishments, but

所以川普決定闖進白宮記者會，吹噓他的成就，但

Ooh, I'm glad my finger wasn't in that circle.

喔，我很高興我的手指沒在那圈裡。

I would have acted like nothing happened as my finger fell off.

我會假裝什麼都沒發生，就算我的手指斷了。

First of all, is finger falling off something you think could happen to you?

首先，手指掉下來這種事，你會覺得會發生在你身上嗎？

Like, I thought you had the best health report of all time.

就像，我以為你的健康報告是史上最好的。

Now you're telling me fingers are falling off like it's autumn.

現在你告訴我手指像秋天落葉一樣掉下來。

Now, you might think this is just a statistic stack of blank papers, or maybe, if you're feeling generous, pictures of boobs.

不過，你可能會覺得這只是一堆統計堆疊的空白紙張，或者，如果你比較大方一點，是乳房的照片。

But this file was actually filled with Trump's accomplishments, which is why Trump treated it with the respect, care, and

但這份文件其實充滿了川普的成就，這也是為什麼川普會給予它應有的尊重、關懷和

Look, we have the hottest country in the world.

看，我們擁有世界上最熱門的國家。

Turns out Trump hates reading more than he loves bragging.

結果川普討厭閱讀的程度，勝過他喜歡吹牛。

But look, whether you love what Trump's done the past year or hate it, he has been busy.

但你看，不管你喜不喜歡川普過去一年的所作所為，他確實很忙。

Let's hear about some of these incredible accomplishments with bullet points like number 243 stripped notorious crackhead and grifter Hunter Biden of his taxpayer funded Secret Service detail.

讓我們來看看他那些令人難以置信的成就，像是第243項，剝奪了惡名昭彰的吸毒鬼兼詐騙犯杭特·拜登的納稅人資助的特勤局保護。

That may seem harsh, but name another famous crackhead from the last five years.

這聽起來可能有點刻薄，但你說得出過去五年裡還有哪個吸毒鬼這麼有名？

To be fair, the bar on crackhead notoriety is pretty low.

說句公道話，吸毒鬼的惡名程度門檻其實很低。

Most people don't know the names of too many crackheads.

大多數人根本不知道太多吸毒鬼的名字。

Hell, most crackheads I know don't even know their own names.

說真的，我認識的大部分吸毒鬼，連自己的名字都不知道。

But look, Donald Trump is not about the past.

但你看，唐納·川普不是活在過去。

Bringing one crackhead to justice may have been Trump's biggest first year accomplishment.

將一個吸毒鬼繩之以法，或許是川普第一年最大的成就。

He's been very clear about what his second year biggest accomplishment is gonna be.

他已經很清楚他第二年最大的成就會是什麼。

All we're asking for is to get Greenland.

我們所要求的，只是得到格陵蘭。

We're talking about acquiring, not leasing, not having it short term.

我們在談論的是收購，不是租賃，不是短期擁有。

You need ownership, you really need title, as they say in the Rosa business.

你需要所有權，你真的需要頭銜，就像他們在羅莎生意裡說的。

嗯，就像杭特·拜登需要古柯鹼一樣。

All right, we're notorious Greenland heads, and that's the type of dude he is.

好了，我們是臭名昭著的格陵蘭狂熱者，他就是那種人。

And if Trump wants something, he gets it.

而且如果川普想要什麼，他就會得到。

It's like if you went out to a bar with your friend, and

you saw a gorgeous woman across the bar, and

然後你看到吧檯對面有個正妹，

then he turned to you and said, I'm going home with her tonight.

然後他轉向你說，今晚我要帶她回家。

You may need to pay the tab because your boy's about to smash.

你可能需要付帳，因為你朋友快要上了。

That's just the kind of confidence Donald Trump has.

And that's why today he flew to Davos to explain to Europe why America should own Greenland.

這也是為什麼他今天飛到達沃斯，向歐洲解釋美國為何應該擁有格陵蘭。

No nation or group of nations is in any position to be able to secure Greenland other than the United States.

除了美國之外，沒有任何國家或國家集團有能力確保格陵蘭的安全。

It's the United States alone that can protect this giant mass of land, this giant piece of ice, develop it and improve it, and

只有美國能夠保護這片巨大的土地，這塊巨大的冰塊，開發它並改善它，並且

make it so that it's good for Europe and safe for Europe and good for us.

讓它對歐洲有利，對歐洲安全，對我們有利。

It's huge, undeveloped, in a strategic location.

它很大，未開發，而且戰略位置絕佳。

It's like if your grandma had a Manhattan apartment she bought in 1950.

這就像你奶奶在1950年買了一間曼哈頓的公寓。

Once she dies in it, you're gonna push her down the trash chute and live like a K.

她過世後，你就會把她推下垃圾管道，然後像個K一樣住進去。

It all sounds great, but I do have one problem.

聽起來都很棒，但我有一個問題。

We already have a treaty with Denmark that lets us build as many military bases in Greenland as necessary.

我們已經跟丹麥簽訂了條約，讓我們可以在格陵蘭建造所需的軍事基地。

I don't know why we need to own Greenland.

我不知道我們為什麼需要擁有格陵蘭。

你不能用租賃的方式來防禦它。

Number one, legally, it's not defensible that way.

第一，從法律上來說，這樣是無法防禦的。

And number two, psychologically, who the hell wants to defend a license agreement or a lease?

第二，從心理上來說，誰他X的想去防禦一份授權協議或租賃合約？

Cause you do care less about things when they're not yours.

因為當東西不是你的時候，你確實比較不在乎。

Like, a parent will do anything to protect their kids, but if I'm babysitting.

就像，父母會為了保護小孩做任何事，但如果我是在幫忙顧小孩。

Like, I'll give it a good college try, but

at the end of the day, he don't look like me.

All right, but look, it really doesn't matter why Trump wants something.

好了，但你看，川普為什麼想要某樣東西，其實一點都不重要。

And you can tell because his focus is 100% on Greenland.

你可以看得出來，因為他的注意力 100% 都在格陵蘭。

The president referred to Greenland as Iceland.

And until the last few days, when I told them about Iceland, they loved me.

直到前幾天，我跟他們說冰島的事，他們都還很喜歡我。

好了，任何人都有可能說錯話。

All right, obviously, he doesn't mean Iceland.

好了，很明顯，他不是指冰島。

He's not gonna make that mistake three times in as many sentences.

他不可能在短短幾句話裡犯三次同樣的錯誤。

They're not there for us on Iceland, that I can tell you.

我可以告訴你，他們不是因為冰島在那裡支持我們。

I mean, our stock market took the first dip yesterday because of Iceland, so Iceland's already cost us a lot of money.

意思是，我們股市昨天因為冰島的關係，已經先跌了一波，所以冰島已經讓我們損失很多錢了。

I'm just glad we got rid of the last Guy whose brain didn't work.

我很高興我們擺脫了上一個腦袋不靈光的人。

It doesn't matter what he said, because when the man wants something, he gets it.

他說什麼不重要，因為當一個人想要什麼東西時，他就會得到。

We are following even more breaking news.

President Trump now says he has reached a, quote, framework deal on Greenland.

川普總統現在說，他已經達成了一項，引述，關於格陵蘭的框架協議。

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川普在達沃斯要求格陵蘭！還怒批第一年「政績」？| 吉米夜現場 (Trump Demands Greenland at Davos & Literally Trashes First-Year “Accomplishments” | The Daily Show)

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