各位朋友，羅馬的同胞們，歡迎。

Welcome in here and out there to the Late Show.

歡迎來到這裡，也歡迎來到場外，收看「葛來美獎」。

I'm your host, Stephen Colbert, and I just want to start off tonight.

我是你們的主持人，史蒂芬·柯爾伯特，今晚我想先從這裡開始。

I want to start off the show tonight with a heartfelt fushoo because after weeks of threatening to go to war with our NATO allies over Greenland, an island that is neither green, normal, nor has much land, Yesterday at the 11th hour, Trump announced that he had reached the framework of a Greenland deal with NATO.

今晚我想先來個真心話，因為在威脅要跟我們的北約盟友開戰幾週後，為了格陵蘭這個島嶼，它既不綠、也不正常，而且土地也不多，昨天在最後一刻，川普宣佈他已經跟北約達成了格陵蘭協議的框架。

The problem that we never had until he created it is finally solved.

我們從來沒有這個問題，直到他創造了它，現在終於解決了。

I'm taking the loaded shotgun from the chimp I gave it to.

我要把我給那隻黑猩猩的裝滿子彈的霰彈槍拿回來。

Hold it tight now, Bobo, me friend pin stay in.

抓緊了喔，Bobo，我的朋友，插銷還在裡面。

Before we get into details of this framework, I have to warn you that there are none and that the nun is also very vague.

在我們深入探討這個框架的細節之前，我必須警告你們，根本沒有細節，而且那位修女說法也很含糊。

Here's Trump attempting to explain it yesterday.

川普昨天試圖解釋的內容在這裡。

It looks like we have pretty much a concept of a deal.

看起來我們差不多有個交易的概念了。

為什麼這句話聽起來這麼耳熟？

歐巴馬健保是糟糕的醫療照護。

So just a yes or no, you still do not have a plan.

所以只有一個是或否，你還是沒有計畫。

Well, at least we finally know his replacement for Obamacare.

嗯，至少我們終於知道他要用什麼來取代歐巴馬健保了。

Now, we first learned of the concept of the framework of a possibility, of a shadow, of a ricochet, of an echo of Odile yesterday when Trump posted, based upon a very productive meeting that I had with the Secretary General of NATO, Mark Ruddy, we have formed the framework of a future deal with respect to Greenland.

現在，我們昨天第一次聽說這個框架的概念，一個可能性、一個影子、一個彈跳、一個迴聲，關於 Odile，當時川普發布了，基於我與北約祕書長 Mark Ruddy 的一次非常有成的會議，我們已經形成了一個關於格陵蘭的未來交易框架。

This solution, if consummated, will be a great one.

這個解決方案，如果達成，將會是一個很棒的方案。

Now, one would imagine that if you want to take over all or part of any country, you would negotiate with that country.

現在，大家可能會想像，如果你想接管任何國家的一部分或全部，你會跟那個國家談判。

But no surprise, Greenland's Prime Minister, Jans Friedrich Nielsen repeatedly noted that he has not been told what the Trump ruddy framework entails.

但不出所料，格陵蘭總理 Jans Friedrich Nielsen 反覆提到，他沒有被告知川普魯迪框架的內容。

So Greenland isn't part of the negotiations.

Dearly beloved, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce this couple husband and woman who just found out this is happening.

親愛的各位，根據賦予我的權力，我現在宣佈這對新人結為夫妻，他們剛發現這一切正在發生。

So we don't know what the Greenland plant is, and neither does Greenland.

所以我們不知道格陵蘭的計畫是什麼，格陵蘭也不知道。

But that did not stop Trump from crowing this morning that he won.

但這並沒有阻止川普今天早上得意洋洋地宣稱他贏了。

Total security, total access to everything.

完全的 सुरक्षा，完全的存取權。

Okay, this may surprise you, but he is lying.

好了，這可能會讓你驚訝，但他是在說謊。

We know everything that Trump wanted, okay?

我們知道川普想要的一切，好嗎？

He laid out his things he wanted in this AI picture of him planting the American flag in Greenland with J.D.

他把他的願望列出來，在一張他插著美國國旗在格陵蘭，和 J.D. 一起出現的 AI 圖片裡。

And I want to say the secret seventh Wahlberg brother Tito.

而且我想說，還有第七個 Wahlberg 兄弟 Tito。

That sign there, it says Greenland, US territory established 2026.

那邊那個標誌，上面寫著格陵蘭，美國領土，2026年建立。

Meaning it's ours and it's not, and it ain't gonna be.

意思是它是我們的，而且它不是，而且它也不會是。

Instead, it sounds like the deal is gonna be a lot like what the United States already had, making it look a whole lot like Trump folded or Taco'd.

相反地，聽起來這筆交易會很像美國已經擁有的，讓它看起來很像川普屈服了或退縮了。

So, yes, he blew up an 80 year post war alliance with Europe, but

所以，對，他炸毀了與歐洲長達 80 年的戰後聯盟，但是

這是為了「什麼都沒有」的概念。

Again, Again, not all, or possibly any of the details have been worked out for us to get what we already have.

再說一次，再說一次，我們所擁有的細節，可能沒有一項是為我們準備好的。

But at least we got a concrete idea of the timeline of it.

但至少我們對它的時間表有了具體的概念。

How long would the deal be, Mr. President?

總統先生，這筆交易會有多久？

We get to enjoy Greenland and bottomless mimosas until the maid of honor pukes.

我們可以享受格陵蘭和無限暢飲的含羞草，直到伴娘吐為止。

Despite caving, Trump spent his final 18 hours in Davos on victory laps like this one.

儘管讓步了，川普在達沃斯度過了最後 18 小時，進行了像這樣的勝利巡遊。

Gets everything we wanted, including especially real national security.

讓我們得到了我們想要的一切，特別是真正的國家安全。

But more importantly, why is he making this announcement in what sounds like a piano bar?

但更重要的是，他為什麼要在聽起來像鋼琴酒吧的地方宣佈這個消息？

With your festive headscarf, you look lovely.

妳戴著節慶頭巾，看起來真美。

好的，我要唱一首特別的歌給你們聽。

Well, technically, it's the concept of a framework of a song.

嗯，嚴格來說，這是歌曲架構的概念。

We're still negotiating the melody, thank you very much.

Well, it's a relief knowing that Trump isn't going to invade Greenland.

嗯，知道川普不會入侵格陵蘭，真是鬆了一口氣。

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冰島無限 | 十億美元和平委員會 | 終身主席 | 和平夥伴 (Infinitely Greenland | Billion Dollar Peace Board | Chairman For Life | Peace Buddies)

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