Name: 黑格塞斯教訓 "胖將軍"，特朗普威脅對美國城市開戰 | 每日秀 (Hegseth Lectures "Fat Generals" and Trump Threatens War Against U.S. Cities | The Daily Show)
Uploaded: 2025-10-08T00:48:16.000Z
Duration: 11 min 44 s

程度副詞

P. Hegseth has his own battle of the Bulge.

The National Guard adds more tour dates, and

國民兵增加了更多巡演日期，而且

I bet you 50 bucks gambling is gonna destroy American society.

我敢打賭 50 塊錢，賭博會毀了美國社會。

Let's start with America's military, the Karen of the world.

我們先來談談美國軍方，這個世界的 Karen of the world。

They just will not stay out of other countries business.

他們就是管不住自己，老是介入別國事務。

And leading this military is Pete Han, who you might think is the Secretary of Defense, but

而領導這支軍隊的是 Pete Han，你可能會以為他是國防部長，但

He's rebranded himself the Secretary of War.

他把自己重新定位成戰爭部長。

You know how cool guys always give themselves nicknames?

你知道那些很酷的人總是會給自己取綽號嗎？

And as part of this military makeover last week, the Secretary announced a surprise meeting tonight, in an unprecedented move, Secretary Pete Hegseth asking all US General officers and admirals around the world to gather at the US Marine base in Quantico, Virginia.

而作為這場軍事改造的一部分，上週，這位部長宣佈今晚將召開一場突擊會議，部長 Pete Hegseth 在一項前所未有的舉動中，要求全球所有美國將官和海軍上將聚集在弗吉尼亞州匡提科的美國海軍陸戰隊基地。

A meeting of this size in person and on such short notice is extremely rare.

如此大規模的現場會議，而且通知時間這麼短，是非常罕見的。

It's going to also potentially be a security risk given the sheer number of military officials.

考慮到聚集的軍事官員人數眾多，這也可能是一個安全風險。

And how many are going to be gathered in one place at a time.

而且一次會有這麼多人聚集在同一個地方。

Listen, we all do weird things when we're drunk, okay?

聽著，我們喝醉的時候都會做些奇怪的事，好嗎？

Some of us slide into an ex's DMs and some of us call every US general to a maniac Quantico.

有些人會傳訊息給前任，有些人則會把所有美國將軍都叫到一個瘋狂的匡提科。

But you know, I'm sure if the Secretary is going to gather all the generals, some of them from active war zones, then he must have something very important he wants to tell them.

但你知道，我確定如果部長要召集所有將軍，其中一些人來自現役戰區，那他一定有非常重要的事情要告訴他們。

It's tiring to look out at combat formations, or really any formation and see fat troops.

看到戰鬥隊形，或者任何隊形裡有體態過胖的阿兵哥，真的讓人很疲憊。

Likewise, it's completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon.

同樣地，在五角大廈裡看到體態過胖的將軍和海軍上將，是完全無法接受的。

That's what you drag all these generals in for?

你把所有這些將軍找來，就是為了這個嗎？

Couldn't you just leave some passive aggressive comments on their Instagram, like, hey, congrats, General, when are you due?

你不能只在他們的 Instagram 上留一些被動攻擊的評論嗎？像是，嘿，恭喜你，將軍，你預產期是什麼時候？

I mean, this guy will text top secret war plans, but

我的意思是，這個人會傳送機密戰爭計畫，但是

when it comes to body shaming, he's like, I want to see their fat faces when I tell them how fat their faces are.

說到身材羞辱，他卻說，我想看到他們胖胖的臉，當我告訴他們他們的臉有多胖的時候。

Look, I get the military needs to be fit, okay?

聽著，我明白軍隊需要保持體態，好嗎？

But in defense of fat generals, they're kind of like coaches, right?

但為胖將軍辯護一下，他們有點像教練，對吧？

Like, coaches don't need to be fit enough to play the sport.

就像，教練不需要有足夠的體能去打這項運動。

They just have to be fit enough to date a 24 year old.

他們只需要體能好到可以跟 24 歲的約會就好。

And also there are some military positions you kind of don't want a fit soldier for.

而且有些軍職，你反而不希望阿兵哥體能太好。

Like I don't want a guy with six pack abs operating a drone.

像是，我不想讓一個有六塊腹肌的人操作無人機。

He clearly he hasn't had enough time and experience sitting down like this, with a controller just going, okay, he's dead.

他顯然沒有足夠的時間和經驗像這樣坐著，拿著控制器說，好的，他死了。

But telling generals they have to get on Ozempic wasn't the whole speech.

但叫將軍們去打 Ozempic 並不是演講的全部。

America's Secretary of War had more to say than that.

美國的戰爭部長還有更多話要說。

No more beards, long hair, superficial individual expression.

不準留鬍子、長髮，個人化的膚淺表達。

We're gonna cut our hair, shave our beards, and adhere to standards.

我們要剪頭髮、刮鬍子，遵守標準。

Okay, you hear that, you goddamn hippie generals?

聽到了嗎，你們這些該死的嬉皮將軍？

Now, according to Pete Hegseth, America's military standards are now going to be indistinguishable from a Grinder profile.

現在，根據 Pete Hegseth 的說法，美國軍方的標準將與 Grinder 的個人檔案無異。

Okay, no fatties, no facial hair, and get those ladies the out of my sight.

好的，不準有胖子、不準留鬍子，讓那些女人離我遠點。

But it's all about a much larger project of de Wokeificationing.

但這一切都是為了一個更大的「去覺醒化」計畫。

An entire generation of generals and admirals were told that they must parrot the insane fallacy that, quote, our diversity is our strength.

整整一代的將軍和海軍上將都被告知，他們必須鸚鵡學舌地重複那種瘋狂的謬論，也就是「我們的多元化是我們的力量」。

They had to put out dizzying DEI and LGBTQI statements.

他們不得不發布令人眼花繚亂的 DEI 和 LGBTQI 聲明。

No more identity months, DEI offices, dudes in dresses.

不再有身份認同月份、DEI 辦公室、穿著裙子的男人。

Although, are we sure dudes wearing dresses doesn't work?

不過，我們確定穿裙子的男人不行嗎？

Because the Taliban wore dresses, and it kind of worked for them.

因為塔利班就穿裙子，而且對他們來說好像還挺管用的。

也許鬍子可以抵銷裙子的影響。

Pete Hegseth, the mother Secretary of Mother War, also took the opportunity to bump his book sales on Amazon.

Pete Hegseth，這位戰爭部長的戰爭部長，也趁機在 Amazon 上推銷他的書。

You might say we're ending the war on warriors.

你可以說我們正在結束這場對抗戰士的戰爭。

我聽說有人寫了一本關於這件事的書。

你可以隨便說亨利·季辛吉的壞話。

I mean, at least he never used his position to sell his book 101 War Crimes to trial in Cambodia.

我的意思是，至少他從來沒有利用他的職位來推銷他在高棉的 101 項戰爭罪行審判的書。

But bottom line, a lot of people were worried that this event was going to show that Pete Hegseth had taken over the military.

但總而言之，很多人擔心這次活動會顯示 Pete Hegseth 已經接管了軍方。

But it actually just showed how disconnected his MAGA rally energy is from their professional culture, especially this moment that he clearly thought was going to crush.

但實際上，這只顯示了他 MAGA 集會的能量，與他們的專業文化是多麼脫節，尤其是這個他顯然認為會大獲成功的時刻。

Should our enemies choose foolishly to challenge us, they will be crushed by the violence, precision, and

如果我們的敵人愚蠢地選擇挑戰我們，他們將被戰爭部門的暴力、精準和

In other words, to our enemies, FAFO if necessary.

換句話說，對我們的敵人來說，必要時就 FAFO。

Not even the of the US Military have ever seen a line bombed that hard before.

就連美國軍方也從未見過如此猛烈的轟炸。

It's weird and some would say juvenile to use Internet slang in a speech to your adversaries.

在對敵人的演講中使用網路俚語，這很奇怪，有些人甚至會覺得很幼稚。

I mean, President Reagan was never like, Mr. Gorbachev, I hawk to us.

我的意思是，雷根總統從來沒有說過，戈巴契夫先生，我對我們來說是個鷹派。

But basically, that was Pete Hegseth's speech fafo.

但總的來說，那就是 Pete Hegseth 的 FAFO 演講。

And no one in the military is allowed to be fat, especially the leaders.

軍中 no one 允許自己變胖，尤其是領導者。

So next up to speak was the famously thin health nut commander in chief, Donald Trump.

接著上臺演講的是以身材精瘦聞名的健康狂總統，唐納川普。

And even President Trump noticed how dead the room was.

就連川普總統也注意到房間裡死氣沉沉的。

I've never walked into a room so silent before.

我從來沒進過這麼安靜的房間。

Wow, way to throw your opening act under the bus.

哇，真是把開場的嘉賓給賣了。

I thought alcoholics were supposed to be fun.

Well, if anyone can win a room back, it's President Trump, who convinced these generals there was a good reason to pull them from their posts.

嗯，如果有人能贏回一個房間，那就是川普總統，他讓這些將官相信有充分的理由將他們從崗位上撤離。

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黑格塞斯教訓 "胖將軍"，特朗普威脅對美國城市開戰 | 每日秀 (Hegseth Lectures "Fat Generals" and Trump Threatens War Against U.S. Cities | The Daily Show)

weird

general

strength

frankly