I'm your host, Stephen Colbert, and I tell you, it was...

我是主持人斯蒂芬-科爾伯特 我告訴你，這是...

I want to thank everyone in my audience for waiting in line under the Ed Sullivan Theater's

我要感謝每一位觀眾，感謝他們在埃德-蘇利文劇院下排隊等候。

You guys, oh, you guys are gonna be so delicious with a layer of Duncan Hines frosting.

你們這些傢伙，哦，你們這些傢伙塗上一層鄧肯海恩斯糖霜一定會非常美味。

All over the country, temperatures hit triple digits.

全國各地的氣溫都達到了三位數。

In Nevada and California, officials put out heat warnings for the towns of Pahrump and Furnace Creek.

在內華達州和加利福尼亞州，官員們對帕倫普鎮和爐溪鎮發佈了高溫警告。

As in, I'm sweating so hard, the crack of my pahrump...

就像我汗流浹背，我的屁股都裂開了......

The threat of dehydration led the National Weather Service to recommend that Americans in 11 states avoid alcohol and caffeine.

脫水的威脅導致國家氣象局建議 11 個州的美國人避免飲酒和攝入咖啡因。

不，不是我的 "zoomies "和 "sleepies"。

咖啡因是我早上起床的必需品。

Little Baileys, little Baileys in the coffee is fine.

在咖啡中加一點百利甜就可以了。

All this heat may be affecting the president, because, and I want to be...

所有這些熱量可能會影響總統，因為，我想...

先生，我想對這件事敏感一點。

Trump was speaking on the White House lawn earlier this week, and see if you can pinpoint the moment the cameraman got a little distracted.

本週早些時候，特朗普在白宮草坪上發表講話，看看你能不能指出攝影師走神的那一刻。

At the end of 50 days, if we don't have a deal, it's gonna be, uh, too bad.

50天后 如果我們還沒達成協議 那就太糟糕了

Yeah, the tariffs are gonna go on, and other sanctions go on.

是的，關稅會繼續，其他制裁也會繼續。

這是......這是一個慷慨的塗抹。

Now, the White House says he's fine, that it's just a minor soft tissue irritation, which is good, but if he's gonna put makeup on it...

現在，白宮說他沒事，只是輕微的軟組織刺激，這很好，但如果他要化妝...

And I just want to say, you know, while I make a lot of jokes about the president,

I'm on TV every day, and I wear makeup, too.

And there's nothing weird about that, is there?

不，你是如此完美，如此英俊。

I'm sure Trump would rather have us talk about his hand than Jeffrey Epstein.

我相信特朗普更願意讓我們談論他的手，而不是傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦。

That controversy is causing so much trouble for Trump that he recently ordered it to be put in a cell and for the cameras to stop working for three minutes.

這一爭議給特朗普帶來了很多麻煩，以至於他最近下令將其關進牢房，並讓攝影機停止工作三分鐘。

MAGA is furious because they think Trump is refusing to release the Epstein files.

MAGA 怒不可遏，因為他們認為特朗普拒絕公開愛潑斯坦的檔案。

In response, Trump has been saying that there are no credible files, and if there are, they're really boring.

對此，特朗普一直說沒有可信的文件，即使有，也非常無聊。

而且，這些都是奧巴馬編造的。

That part is true, and you can read them on the annual Summer Epstein client list.

這部分是真的，你可以在 Summer Epstein 的年度客戶名單上看到。

現在，雖然這很瘋狂，但你知道，

Trump is going all in on the idea that his followers have fallen for a nefarious Democratic scheme.

特朗普正全力以赴，認為他的追隨者們中了民主黨的圈套。

All it is is the Republicans, certain Republicans, got duped by the Democrats, and they're following a Democrat playbook.

這只是共和黨人，某些共和黨人，被民主黨人愚弄了，他們在遵循民主黨人的劇本。

We have a location and a thing we won't talk about.

我們有一個地點和一件我們不會談論的事情。

Trump is desperately looking for a scapegoat.

Yesterday, he fired the Manhattan federal prosecutor who handled the Epstein case and pulled the UNO reverse card, calling on the FBI to investigate this Jeffrey Epstein hoax, by which he evidently means he wants the FBI to investigate the folks who investigated Jeffrey Epstein's sex trafficking, which is weird, but we could get a whole new spinoff of To Catch a Predator.

昨天，他解僱了處理愛潑斯坦案件的曼哈頓聯邦檢察官，並打出了聯合國組織的反向牌，呼籲聯邦調查局調查傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦的騙局，他的意思顯然是希望聯邦調查局調查那些調查傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦性交易的人。

Why don't you have a seat there and get comfortable for a minute?

你為什麼不坐下來舒服一會兒呢？

Why have you been spending so much time in kitchens with perverts?

你為什麼要花這麼多時間在廚房裡和變態在一起？

是聯合播出嗎？是哥倫比亞廣播公司嗎？

Federal prosecutors are not the only people

Yesterday, there were rumors that Trump was planning to fire Federal Reserve chairman and Keebler elf at LensCrafters, Jerome Powell.

昨天，有傳言稱特朗普計劃解僱美聯儲主席、LensCrafters 的吉卜勒精靈傑羅姆-鮑威爾。

Uh, here's Trump at Tuesday's Chopper talk, bad-mouthing Powell.

這是特朗普在週二的 "砍刀會談 "上對鮑威爾的惡語相向。

You talk to the guy, it's like talking to, uh, nothing.

你跟他說話，就像跟什麼都沒說一樣。

Talking to Jerome Powell is like talking to a chair.

和傑羅姆-鮑威爾說話就像和一把椅子說話。

Maybe that's because his job title at the Federal Reserve is Chair.

也許這是因為他在美聯儲的職務是主席。

It's not entirely clear the-the president has the power to get rid of Powell, but even the whiff of it roiled the stock market yesterday.

目前還不完全清楚總統是否有權力罷免鮑威爾，但即使是一丁點兒的風吹草動，昨天也令股市譁然。

That's because firing the Fed chair, who was supposed to be an independent steward of our financial system and our monetary policy, would create an issue that economists call...

這是因為解僱美聯儲主席--他本應是我們金融體系和貨幣政策的獨立監管者--會產生一個被經濟學家稱為"...

字幕列表影片播放

喝酒太熱？| 特朗普之手 | 愛潑斯坦陰謀繼續 | 可口可樂的分心 (Too Hot For Booze? | Trump’s Hand | Epstein Intrigue Continues | The Coca-Cola Distraction)

weird

enthusiasm

rid

syrup