Welcome to The Late Show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

歡迎收看《深夜秀》我是主持人 斯蒂芬-科爾伯特

I don't... I don't know about you, but I'm feeling pretty nostalgic for last week, when all we had to worry about was a civil war.

我不...我不知道你們怎麼想，但我很懷念上週 我們只需擔心內戰的日子

Because as we speak, Donald Trump is weighing whether to get America involved in yet another Mideast war.

因為就在此時此刻，唐納德-特朗普正在權衡是否要讓美國捲入另一場中東戰爭。

If he does so, if he goes in, this would go against everything he campaigned on for the last ten years.

如果他這樣做了，如果他參選了，這將與他過去十年的競選主張背道而馳。

What's next? Are we gonna find out that it's not fun to stay at the YMCA?

接下來呢？我們會發現住在基督教青年會不好玩嗎？

Here's... here's... here's the situation.

這裡......這裡......情況是這樣的。

情況是這樣的。星期五，對吧？

On Friday, Israel, which has been nervous for a couple of decades now about the Ayatollah getting the nukey bone bones, launched attacks against Iran.

上週五，幾十年來一直擔心阿亞圖拉會得到 nukey 骨頭的以色列對伊朗發動了攻擊。

Now, the U.S. says it hasn't been directly involved, but yesterday, Trump rushed back to D.C.

現在，美國說它沒有直接參與，但昨天，特朗普又趕回了華盛頓。

在加拿大舉行的 G7 峰會的中途。

So either the United States is about to jump in, or he just got bored during the G7 icebreakers.

是以，要麼是美國即將加入，要麼就是他在七國集團破冰會議期間感到無聊了。

Guten tag. My name is Chancellor Friedrich Merz.

Guten tag.我是弗里德里希-梅爾茨總理。

One thing to know, the U.S. is the only country with, like, the one-of-a-kind kind of ground-penetrating weapons that could reach Iran's deeply buried nuclear enrichment facility.

要知道，美國是唯一一個擁有獨一無二的地面穿透武器的國家，這種武器可以到達伊朗深埋地下的核濃縮設施。

So the Israeli government wants us to jump in with both bunker busts and feet.

是以，以色列政府希望我們既能炸燬碉堡，又能用雙腳跳進去。

One Israeli source said, we are cooking everything up for the U.S.

一位以色列消息人士說，我們正在為美國策劃一切。

Like in soccer, we broke through the opponent's defense.

就像足球比賽一樣，我們突破了對手的防線。

We passed all their players, and now we have given the USA pass into a spot where they are alone in front of the goalkeeper.

我們過掉了他們所有的球員，現在我們給美國隊傳球，讓他們單獨面對門將。

Okay, sounds good. Just one flaw to your plan.

好吧，聽起來不錯。你的計劃只有一個缺陷

Americans don't know anything about soccer.

We have the ball, but what do you do in front of the goalkeeper?

我們拿到了球，但在門將面前該怎麼辦？

Is that when you fall down to pretend that you hurt your knee?

你摔倒時是在假裝膝蓋受傷嗎？

So, is America getting involved in another Middle Eastern war?

那麼，美國會捲入另一場中東戰爭嗎？

Ever since this started, ever since this started,

自從這一切開始，自從這一切開始、

I gave Iran chance after chance to make a deal.

我給了伊朗一次又一次達成協議的機會。

I told them in the strongest words to just do it.

我用最強烈的語言告訴他們，就這麼做吧。

But no matter how hard they tried, no matter how close they got, they just couldn't get it done.

但是，無論他們多麼努力，無論他們多麼接近，他們就是無法完成任務。

Certain Iranian hardliners spoke bravely, but they didn't know what was about to happen.

某些伊朗強硬派勇敢地發言，但他們並不知道即將發生什麼。

They're all dead now, and it will only get worse.

他們現在都死了，情況只會更糟。

Oh, my God, is he gonna invite them to his next parade?

哦，天哪，他下次遊行會邀請他們嗎？

然後，昨天，特朗普不祥地發佈了一條消息、

Everyone should immediately evacuate Tehran.

That's a traffic jam the size of New Jersey.

這相當於新澤西州大小的交通堵塞。

When French President Emmanuel Macron told the press that Trump left the G7 to work on a cease-fire,

當法國總統埃馬紐埃爾-馬克龍告訴媒體，特朗普離開七國集團是為了達成停火協議時、

He has no idea why I'm now on my way to Washington, but it certainly has nothing to do with a cease-fire.

他不知道我現在為什麼要去華盛頓，但肯定與停火無關。

Maybe not the most subtle message from the commander-in-chief.

也許這並不是總司令發出的最含蓄的資訊。

Can't say much more, but it rhymes with smorgandie.

不能說太多，但它與 smorgandie 押韻。

Instead of negotiations, Trump is talking tough.

特朗普不是在談判，而是在說狠話。

If they do anything to our people, we'll come down so hard, then the gloves are off so beautifully.

如果他們對我們的人做了什麼，我們就會下狠手，然後漂亮地脫掉手套。

The gloves are off so beautifully, the cat is out of a very sexy bag.

手套脫得如此漂亮，貓已經從一個非常性感的袋子裡出來了。

Push is moving in on shove, and I hope they're gonna kiss.

Then this afternoon, the president posted this.

今天下午，總統又發佈了這條消息。

We know exactly where the so-called supreme leader is hiding.

我們很清楚所謂的最高領導人藏在哪裡。

他很容易成為目標，但在那裡很安全。

And I got to say, putting parentheses around kill does not make it any better.

我得說，在 "殺 "字周圍加上括號並不能使情況好轉。

Don't worry, son, your dog Sparky is just visiting a farm upstate.

別擔心，孩子，你的狗斯派基只是去北部的一個農場做客。

He's running around a sunny meadow full of flowers.

他在開滿鮮花的陽光草地上奔跑。

Now the U.S. says they have no involvement with Israel's war plans, but there were some clues that our military was at least aware of what was going on, specifically, there's a Twitter handle called the Pentagon Pizza Report, which tracks activity at local pizza joints, indicating a surge in takeout deliveries to military personnel working overtime.

現在，美國說他們與以色列的戰爭計劃沒有任何關係，但有一些線索表明，我們的軍隊至少知道發生了什麼，特別是，有一個名為 "五角大樓披薩報告 "的推特賬號，它追蹤當地披薩店的活動，顯示為加班的軍人送外賣的數量激增。

About an hour before the bombing began, they noted a huge surge in activity from We The Pizza, Domino's,

在爆炸開始前大約一小時，他們注意到多米諾披薩店（We The Pizza）的活動激增、

District Pizza Palace, and Extreme Pizza.

District Pizza Palace 和 Extreme Pizza。

Spies could be tracking our war maneuvers via local pizza chains.

間諜可能通過當地的披薩連鎖店追蹤我們的戰爭演習。

This is a fast food security scandal that I'm calling PizzaGate.

這是一起快餐安全醜聞，我稱之為 "披薩門"。

字幕列表影片播放

特朗普威脅要殺死伊朗領導人 | 五角大樓比薩報告 | 十年不見 | 新 MAGA 商品 (Trump Threatens To Kill Iran's Leader | Pentagon Pizza Report | 10 Years Gone | New MAGA Merch)

situation

straight

surge

brand