Name: 關於性、愛、吸引力和痴迷的科學 | Big Think (The science of sex, love, attraction, and obsession | Big Think)
Uploaded: 2025-04-25T10:21:23.000Z
Duration: 14 min 6 s

During romantic or passionate love, you're going to feel this sense of being addicted to your partner.

在浪漫或激情的愛情中，你會有一種沉迷於伴侶的感覺。

情態副詞

People who are madly in love can fall madly in love with somebody who's married, who lives on the other side of the planet, who comes from a different religion, and somehow they'll say to themselves, we'll work it out.

瘋狂墜入愛河的人可能會瘋狂地愛上一個已婚的人，一個生活在地球另一端的人，一個信仰不同宗教的人，但不知何故，他們會對自己說，我們會解決這個問題的。

轉承詞

We can work this out because of all that energy of intense romantic love.

我們可以解決這個問題，因為我們擁有強烈浪漫愛情的能量。

Over time, as this whole neurotransmitter thing settles out, what's left?

隨著時間的推移，當整個神經遞質沉澱下來，還剩下什麼？

We define romantic love as an intense desire for another with the expectation that it's going to persist into the future.

我們將浪漫愛情定義為對另一個人的強烈渴望，並期望這種渴望能持續到未來。

And that distinguishes it from lust, which is generally fleeting, and also from more companionship love, which doesn't have that intensity of desire that you want to possess the other in some way.

這使它有別於情慾，後者通常稍縱即逝，也有別於更多的伴侶之愛，後者沒有那種想要以某種方式佔有對方的強烈慾望。

Psychologists have looked at activity in the brain when recalling passionate or romantic love versus, say, maternal love, and finds that different centers definitely are more active.

心理學家研究了大腦在回憶激情或浪漫愛情時與回憶母愛時的活動，發現不同的中樞肯定會更加活躍。

In other words, they put people into the functional MRI and they said, think about your partner or think about your lover, and certain areas lit up.

換句話說，他們把人放入功能性核磁共振成像中，然後說，想想你的伴侶或你的夫妻，某些區域就會亮起來。

Or they said, think about your mom, and different areas lit up, which is important because different areas are responsible for the release of different neurotransmitters, which then come to affect your future feeling states and future behaviors.

這很重要，因為不同的區域負責釋放不同的神經遞質，進而影響你未來的感覺狀態和行為。

During romantic or passionate love, what happens from a neurotransmitter standpoint, those chemicals that are released when you have that particular experience?

在浪漫或激情的愛情中，從神經遞質的角度來看會發生什麼？

Dopamine is essentially the neurotransmitter of reward.

多巴胺本質上是獎勵的神經遞質。

So it is a neurotransmitter that's released when you have new or novel experience, but particularly experiences that are reinforcing, like gambling or something that is really addictive.

是以，它是一種神經遞質，當你有新的或新奇的經歷時，尤其是有強化作用的經歷，如賭博或一些真正令人上癮的經歷時，它就會被釋放出來。

It's the neurotransmitter if you snort a cocaine that is most responsible for, wow, that was great and I totally want to do it again.

如果你吸食可卡因，它是一種神經遞質，最能產生 "哇，太棒了，我真想再吸一次 "的感覺。

So that is a neurotransmitter that definitely goes up when you are in the throes of romantic or passionate love.

是以，當你沉浸在浪漫或激情的愛情中時，這種神經遞質肯定會上升。

It means that you're going to feel this sense of being addicted to your partner.

這意味著你會有一種沉迷於伴侶的感覺。

And in fact, it's also the neurotransmitter that goes up for people who have obsessive compulsive disorder.

事實上，它也是強迫症患者的神經遞質。

Does that mean you're going to develop OCD?

這是否意味著你會患上強迫症？

But what it does mean is you're probably going to obsess over your partner.

但這並不意味著你會迷戀你的伴侶。

In comes another neurotransmitter that's called serotonin.

It is definitely a neurotransmitter that is active for obsessive compulsive disorder and it means that you're probably – and for depression.

它絕對是一種神經遞質，對強迫症和抑鬱症來說，它意味著你很可能--是一種活躍的神經遞質。

But what you do do is a feature of depression called rumination.

但你所做的是抑鬱症的一個特徵，叫做反芻。

So you think about your partner over and over and over again in this really obsessive manner.

是以，你會以這種非常痴迷的方式一遍又一遍地想著你的伴侶。

And if your partner is separated from you, you're going to have this longing where you're, you know, wanting to be with them kind of like you'd want to be with a drug if it was taken away from you and you were already addicted to it.

如果你的伴侶和你分開了，你就會有一種渴望，你想和他們在一起，就像你想和毒品在一起一樣，如果它被奪走了，而你已經對它上癮了。

There are changes in other neurotransmitters as well.

So if you're physically with your partner, the neurotransmitter oxytocin, which is kind of known as the cuddle neurotransmitter, and that makes you feel like warm and snugly and intensely bonded to this person.

是以，如果你和伴侶在一起，神經遞質催產素，也就是所謂的擁抱神經遞質，會讓你感覺溫暖、舒適，並與這個人緊密結合在一起。

It is particularly released following orgasm.

So you know, if you're having sex with your partner and things go well, you're going to feel very attached to them, exceedingly intimate with them, partially because of that neurotransmitter.

是以，如果你和伴侶做愛進展順利，你會感到非常依戀他們，與他們非常親密，部分原因就在於這種神經遞質。

There are other neurotransmitters that actually also change, vasopressin, which has to do with stress level.

實際上，還有其他神經遞質也會發生變化，如與壓力水準有關的血管加壓素。

There's this whole release of neurotransmitters that make you feel, you know, very obsessed, very addicted, thinking constantly about them, very intimately, cuddly, attached, and stressed.

這種神經遞質的整體釋放會讓你感覺，你知道，非常痴迷，非常上癮，不停地想著他們，非常親密、可愛、依戀和緊張。

Actually it is a stressful condition to some degree to be really into your partner.

其實，在某種程度上，真正喜歡自己的伴侶是一種壓力。

One of the problems with early stage intense feelings of romantic love is that it's part of the oldest parts of the brain that become activated.

早期強烈的浪漫愛情的問題之一是，大腦中最古老的部分被激活了。

Brain regions link with drive, with craving, with obsession, with motivation.

大腦區域與驅動力、渴望、痴迷和動機有關。

And in fact, some cognitive regions up in the prefrontal cortex that have evolved much more recently begin to shut down.

事實上，前額葉皮層中一些進化時間更短的認知區域開始關閉。

Brain regions linked with decision making, planning ahead.

You know, people who are madly in love can fall madly in love with somebody who's married, who lives on the other side of the planet, who comes from a different religion, and somehow they'll say to themselves, we'll work it out.

你知道，瘋狂相愛的人可能會瘋狂地愛上一個已婚的、住在地球另一端的、信仰不同宗教的人，但不知何故，他們會對自己說，我們會解決的。

We can work this out because of all that energy of intense romantic love and also the shutting down of various brain systems linked with decision making.

我們之所以能解決這個問題，是因為強烈的浪漫愛情所產生的能量，以及與決策有關的各種大腦系統的關閉。

So one of the things that I say to people is, you know, before you decide to marry somebody, spend a good deal of time with them so that some of that early stage intense feelings of romantic love can begin to subside and you can begin to really see what you've got.

是以，我對人們說的其中一件事就是，在你決定與某人結婚之前，要花很多時間與他在一起，這樣，早期那種對浪漫愛情的強烈感覺就會開始消退，你就能開始真正看清你所擁有的一切。

As a matter of fact, I'm very optimistic about the future of relationships because we're spending so much time now getting to know somebody before we wed.

事實上，我對未來的人際關係非常樂觀，因為我們現在會花很多時間在結婚前去了解一個人。

You know, a great many people are having these one night stands and friends with benefits and living together before they marry.

要知道，很多人在結婚前都會有一夜情、"益友 "和同居。

And there was a recent study in which they asked a lot of single people who were living together with somebody, why have they not yet married?

最近有一項研究，他們詢問了許多與某人同居的單身人士，他們為什麼還沒有結婚？

And 67 percent were terrified of divorce, terrified of not only the legal and the financial and the economic but the personal and social fallout of divorce.

67%的人害怕離婚，不僅害怕離婚帶來的法律、財務和經濟後果，還害怕離婚帶來的個人和社會後果。

And so I began to realize maybe all of this hooking up and friends with benefits and living together is not recklessness, maybe it's caution.

於是我開始意識到，也許所有這些 "勾搭"、"利益交友 "和 "同居 "都不是魯莽，而是謹慎。

Maybe singles are trying to learn every single thing they can about a potential partner before they tie the knot.

也許單身男女都想在結婚前瞭解潛在伴侶的一切。

And in short, marriage used to be the beginning of a relationship, now it's the finale.

簡而言之，婚姻過去是一段關係的開始，現在則是結束。

As a matter of fact, I work with Match.com, I'm their chief scientific advisor.

事實上，我與 Match.com 合作，是他們的首席科學顧問。

And we did a study of married people, not on the site Match.com of course, of 1,100 married people.

我們對已婚人士進行了一項研究，當然不是在 Match.com 網站上，而是對 1100 名已婚人士進行了研究。

Well, if there's this long pre-commitment stage of getting to know somebody, maybe by the time you walk down the aisle you know what you've got, you're happy with what you've got and you're going to build a long, stable, really happy marriage.

好吧，如果有一個漫長的瞭解某人的承諾前階段，也許當你們走過紅地毯時，你們就知道自己得到了什麼，你們對自己得到的東西感到滿意，你們就會建立一段長久、穩定、真正幸福的婚姻。

Maybe we're going towards a time of happier marriages because relationships can end before you tie the knot.

也許我們正在走向一個婚姻更幸福的時代，因為在你們結為連理之前，你們的關係就已經結束了。

So within this study I asked these 1,100 married people a lot of questions.

是以，在這項研究中，我問了這 1100 位已婚人士很多問題。

But one of the questions was would you remarry the person you're currently married to?

但其中一個問題是，你會和現在的配偶再婚嗎？

And I think that with what I call fast sex, slow love, with this slow love process of getting to know somebody very carefully over a long period of time, it's going to help the brain readjust some of these brain regions for decision making.

我認為我所說的 "快性慢愛"，也就是通過這種慢愛的過程，在很長一段時間內非常仔細地瞭解一個人，這將有助於大腦重新調整其中的一些腦區，從而做出決策。

You're going to get to know how this person handles your parents at Christmas or whatever holiday.

你要了解這個人在聖誕節或其他什麼節日是如何對待你的父母的。

You know, how they handle your friends, how they handle their money, how they handle an argument, how they handle getting exercise and their own health and your health, etc.

你知道，他們如何處理你的朋友，如何處理自己的錢，如何處理爭吵，如何處理鍛鍊、自己的健康和你的健康等等。

你會學到很多關於這個人的知識。

I think we're in a – I'm very optimistic about the future because of this concept of slow love.

我認為我們正處於一個--我對未來非常樂觀--因為有了 "慢愛 "這個概念。

In terms of the science to support what is a good partner choice, for the long haul it does seem that having very similar values and to some degree having a lot of similarities in general often leads to a longer term ability to maintain the relationship.

從科學的角度來看，從長遠來看，擁有非常相似的價值觀，以及在某種程度上擁有很多相似之處，往往能讓我們更長久地維持這段關係。

And I'm not talking now about sexual compatibility.

我現在說的不是性生活是否和諧。

I'm not talking about that, you know, wonderful passionate feeling.

我說的不是那種，你知道的，美妙的激情感覺。

But I'm really talking about just maintaining any relationship.

但我說的其實只是維持任何關係。

It is easier when you have fewer bridges to cross.

So over time as this whole neurotransmitter thing settles out, what's left to be able to maintain your relationship going forward?

那麼，隨著時間的推移，神經遞質的作用逐漸消失，還有什麼能夠維持你們之間的關係呢？

If you're arguing over everything because basically you fundamentally don't agree on most things, that is a challenge.

如果你們因為基本上在大多數事情上意見不一致而爭論不休，那就是一種挑戰。

I'm not saying it's a challenge that can't be managed.

我並不是說這是一個無法應對的挑戰。

And I certainly wouldn't say, for example, that opposites can't attract because they often do.

比如說，我當然不會說異性不能相吸，因為它們經常相吸。

But the question is what do you do with that down the road?

If you're a different religion, if you believe differently in how money should be managed, if you have different goals in terms of family rearing, career aspirations, long term how you want to live your life, these are bridges that have to be crossed with a lot of communication and a lot of compromise.

如果你們的宗教信仰不同，如果你們對如何理財有不同的看法，如果你們在養家餬口、職業理想、長期生活方式等方面有不同的目標，這些都是必須通過大量溝通和妥協才能跨越的橋樑。

To some degree studies support the less compromise you have to make the easier.

在某種程度上，研究支持越少妥協越容易。

So choosing someone with some similarities will make for less compromise down the road.

是以，選擇有一些相似之處的人，可以減少今後的妥協。

And then the question becomes how good are you and your partner individually at communication, at compromise, at being able to make choices that really aren't your first choice for the service of some greater good.

然後，問題就變成了你和你的伴侶各自在溝通、妥協以及為了更大的利益而做出並非你的首選的選擇方面有多大的能力。

We all want to sustain a long term happy partnership.

我們都希望維持長期幸福的夥伴關係。

And psychologists will give you a long list of smart ways to sustain it.

心理學家會告訴你一長串保持這種狀態的聰明方法。

But I'd like to say what the brain can add.

但我想說說大腦能補充些什麼。

And the first thing that you want to do is sustain the three basic brain systems for mating and reproduction.

而你要做的第一件事，就是維持交配和繁殖的三個基本大腦系統。

Sex drive, have sex with the partner, have sex regularly with the partner.

性慾、與伴侶發生性關係、定期與伴侶發生性關係。

If you don't have time, schedule the time to have sex with the partner.

如果沒有時間，那就安排時間與伴侶做愛。

Because when you have sex with the partner, you're driving up the testosterone system so you're going to want to have more sex.

因為當你和伴侶發生性關係時，你的睪丸激素系統就會升高，所以你會想要更多的性生活。

But you also have all the cuddling, which is going to drive up the oxytocin system and give you feelings of attachment.

但你也有所有的擁抱，這會促進催產素系統，讓你產生依戀感。

And having sex with the person, any kind of stimulation of the genitals drives up the dopamine system and can sustain feelings of romantic love.

而與對方發生性關係，對生殖器的任何刺激都會促進多巴胺系統的分泌，並能維持浪漫愛情的感覺。

So basically having sex, and of course there can be good jokes about it and relaxation about it that is good for the body and the mind.

是以，從根本上說，性生活，當然也可以開一些對身心有益的玩笑和放鬆。

So have sex with the person and sustain that brain system of the sex drive.

是以，要與對方發生性關係，維持大腦的性慾系統。

To sustain feelings of intense romantic love, do novel things together.

要保持濃烈的浪漫愛情，就要一起做新奇的事情。

Novelty drives up the dopamine system and can sustain feelings of romantic love.

新奇感會讓多巴胺系統興奮，並能維持浪漫愛情的感覺。

Just go to a different restaurant on Friday night.

Sit together on the couch and have a discussion about something new.

一起坐在沙發上，就新事物展開討論。

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關於性、愛、吸引力和痴迷的科學 | Big Think (The science of sex, love, attraction, and obsession | Big Think)

intense

depression

compromise

empathy