Name: 埃隆-馬斯克冷場開場 - SNL (Elon Musk Cold Open - SNL)
Uploaded: 2025-03-03T03:46:36.000Z
Duration: 7 min 46 s

程度副詞

Yesterday, President Trump hosted Ukrainian President Zelensky at the White House, and it went really, really well.

昨天，特朗普總統在白宮宴請了烏克蘭總統澤連斯基，宴會進行得非常非常順利。

Everyone who watched felt at ease and thought, the world is now a safer place.

每個觀看的人都感到安心，並認為世界現在變得更加安全了。

Here now is a replay of their historic press conference.

下面是他們歷史性新聞發佈會的重播。

Yes, hello, hello, everyone, it is I, President and CEO of Gaza Hotel and Casino, Donald Trump.

是的，大家好，大家好，我是加沙酒店賭場的總裁兼首席執行官唐納德-特朗普。

And I'd like to welcome President Zelensky here to this incredible trap.

我歡迎澤倫斯基總統來到這個令人難以置信的陷阱。

It's going to be a big, beautiful trap, and we're going to attack him very soon for no reason, right, J.D.?

這將是一個美麗的大陷阱 我們很快就會無緣無故地攻擊他，對嗎，J. D？

Watch out, because this kitty's got claws.

Little Marco, are you excited to attack our European ally?

小馬可，你很想攻擊我們的歐洲盟友嗎？

Before we get started, I'd like to thank President Zelensky for dressing like casual Star Trek.

在我們開始之前，我要感謝澤倫斯基總統把自己打扮成休閒的 "星際迷航"。

We love Star Trek because there's no D-E-I.

我們喜歡《星際迷航》，因為它沒有 "D-E-I"。

The white guy was the leader, and he bossed around Spock, who I believe was Guatemalan.

那個白人是頭兒，他對斯波克頤指氣使，我相信斯波克是瓜地馬拉人。

President Zelensky, you want to say a few words?

澤倫斯基總統，你想說幾句話嗎？

Maybe tell Mr. Putin how much you love him and that you're sorry you invaded Russia?

或許可以告訴普京先生你有多愛他，併為入侵俄羅斯而感到抱歉？

Maybe offer him one night with your wife?

也許可以讓他和你妻子共度一晚？

Mr. President, with all due respect, I...

I'm sorry, I have to jump in here because that's how we plan this.

對不起，我必須插一句，因為我們就是這麼計劃的。

You haven't said thank you to us once in the past 15 seconds I've been yelling at you.

在我對你大喊大叫的 15 秒鐘裡，你一次也沒對我們說過謝謝。

But you didn't say it now when you walked in here.

You didn't say anything about us being handsome.

Look he's right, and we're very handsome, okay?

聽著，他是對的，我們都很帥，好嗎？

Our ties are matching, and they're growing, frankly, by the minute.

我們的聯繫是相輔相成的，而且坦率地說，這種聯繫每分鐘都在增加。

We don't even have the dust in here anymore.

別跟我說我們有多性感，好嗎？

You don't say if I was gay I'd be all over you too, okay?

你別說如果我是同志，我也會纏著你，好嗎？

I'm sorry, does the sign outside say Ukraine House?

對不起，外面的牌子上寫的是 "烏克蘭之家 "嗎？

Oh, oh man, look at Rubio over there, fully dissociating.

哦，哦，天哪，看看那邊的盧比奧，完全分心了。

It looks like Homer Simpson disappearing into that hedge.

看起來就像荷馬-辛普森消失在樹籬裡。

To quote the late, good Tom Petty, he's free-falling.

引用已故的湯姆-佩蒂（Tom Petty）的名言，他正在自由落體。

You know, you say you want to end this war, but frankly, you don't have the cards, okay?

你知道，你說你想結束這場戰爭，但坦率地說，你沒有牌，好嗎？

I have Pikachu and Charmander and Charizard.

我有皮卡丘、夏曼德和查理茲。

But without us, you don't have any of the cards, okay?

但沒有我們，你就沒有任何底牌，好嗎？

You're playing poker, and Putin's playing Magic the Gathering, and the Russians have been treated very badly with respect to the war, and also, frankly, Onora, right?

你在玩撲克牌，而普京在玩 "魔力寶貝"，俄羅斯人在戰爭中受到了非常惡劣的對待，坦白地說，還有奧諾拉，對嗎？

Onora was misled, and she fell in love, and now she might even lose to Brutalist.

奧諾拉被誤導了，她墜入了愛河，現在她甚至可能輸給布魯托。

You know, maybe you should come visit Ukraine.

你知道，也許你應該來烏克蘭看看。

我曾在谷歌地圖上去過烏克蘭。

You think you're getting any money from us after your little outburst today?

你以為你今天發飆之後，還能從我們這裡拿到錢嗎？

To quote my personal hero, Willy Wonka, you broke the rules!

引用我的個人英雄威利-旺卡的話說，你破壞了規則！

And you know what, you're also, you're not even wearing a suit.

Who shows up to the White House in a t-shirt and jeans like a garbage person?

誰會像垃圾一樣穿著T恤和牛仔褲出現在白宮？

Very official and respectful, and I love when he gets that chainsaw right next to my head.

他很正式，也很尊重我，我喜歡他把電鋸放在我腦袋旁邊。

唐納德，你在我辦公室幹什麼？

You've got to make a joke, you know, you've got to make a really good joke.

你得開個玩笑，你知道，你得開個非常好的玩笑。

I really enjoy everything you're doing with Doge, Elon.

我非常喜歡你為 Doge 所做的一切，埃隆。

Well, they're saying I'm firing people with no cause, but I do have cause.

他們說我無緣無故解僱員工，其實我是有原因的。

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埃隆-馬斯克冷場開場 - SNL (Elon Musk Cold Open - SNL)

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