York stage actor who did the occasional law and order. But circumstances took me to Los

我曾是紐約的舞臺劇演員，偶爾演一些法律與秩序的角色。但環境把我帶到了洛杉磯

Angeles where when I was 29, I did a pilot for a television show called How I Met Your

29歲時，我在洛杉磯為一檔名為《我如何遇見你》的電視節目做試播。

Mother. Until that point, I had been an intermittently successful, though relatively working actor.

母親在那之前，我一直是一個斷斷續續的成功演員，雖然相對來說比較辛苦。

And then the pilot got picked up, the show went out into the world, and everything changed.

然後，試播被選中，節目走向世界，一切都變了。

The strangest and most disorienting of those changes was that suddenly a lot of people knew me. Well, they didn't know me, they knew my face. They knew this character that I was playing. By some strange coincidence, the character and I looked a lot alike. So suddenly,

這些變化中最奇怪、最令人迷失方向的是，突然有很多人認識了我。他們不認識我，但認識我的臉。他們認識我扮演的這個角色由於某種奇怪的巧合，這個角色和我長得很像。所以突然之間

I had this new, weird, vertigo-inducing dimension to my reality. People had been spending a lot of time with me, and I was unaware of having spent time with them. Now, as the show continued to grow in popularity, I realized that if I wasn't careful, if I didn't cultivate a strong group of friends I could trust and a life philosophy that I could lean upon,

我的現實生活出現了一種新的、怪異的、令人眩暈的維度。人們花了很多時間和我在一起，而我卻不知道自己花了很多時間和他們在一起。現在，隨著節目越來越受歡迎，我意識到，如果我不小心謹慎，如果我不培養一群我可以信賴的強大朋友和一種我可以依賴的人生哲學、

I was going to get into some trouble. So I had to ask myself, given that this public thing was, at least now for the time, being a feature, in fact, of my life, what kind of public person did I want to be? Now, an answer didn't announce itself immediately.

我會惹上一些麻煩。是以，我不得不問自己，既然這件公眾的事情，至少在現在這段時間裡，已經成為我生活的一個特點，那麼我想成為一個什麼樣的公眾人物呢？現在，答案並沒有馬上揭曉。

I was clear, though, given the menu of options, about what I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be an alcoholic or a drug addict. I didn't want to be an impossible-to-be-around narcissist.

不過，在眾多選擇中，我很清楚自己不想成為什麼樣的人。我不想酗酒或吸毒。我不想成為一個難以相處的自戀狂。

And I didn't want to be a reclusive weirdo who refuses to cut his fingernails or leave the house. Okay, well, what then? How was I to live and grow in the public eye if I had no other choice? Now, one of my favorite things about being on a television show with a global reach is that it's made the world feel smaller in a really nice way. I like meeting new people, and I've had the opportunity to meet fans of the show in India, Singapore,

我也不想成為一個拒絕剪指甲或出門的孤僻怪人。好吧，那怎麼辦？如果別無選擇，我該如何在公眾的視線中生活和成長？現在，我最喜歡的一件事，就是參加一檔具有全球影響力的電視節目，這讓我感覺世界變小了。我喜歡結識新朋友，我有機會在印度、新加坡結識節目的粉絲、

Mallorca, Tanzania, Italy, Peru, and Texas, just to name a few. I've also connected with some people in some really tough situations, people going through divorce, health crises, losing loved ones, soldiers stationed overseas, who told me that How I Met Your Mother was a huge source of light and laughter in some incredibly dark times. To be a part of something that can offer that, well, I don't take that for granted. But still, like with all things, it has not been without its challenges. When How I Met Your Mother first went on the air,

馬略卡島、坦尚尼亞、意大利、祕魯和德克薩斯州，僅舉幾例。我還與一些處境非常艱難的人建立了聯繫，他們正在經歷離婚、健康危機、失去親人、駐紮在海外的阿兵哥，他們告訴我，《我如何遇見你母親》是他們在無比黑暗的時期獲得光明和歡笑的巨大源泉。能夠參與到這樣的節目中來，我並不覺得這是理所當然的。不過，就像所有事情一樣，它也並非沒有挑戰。當《我如何遇見你母親》第一次播出時

I ran into an actress that I knew, and she said, are you just like so happy all the time?

我碰到一個認識的女演員，她說，你是不是一直都很開心？

And I remember thinking, does she really think that when CBS picked up the show, it left me with an inability to feel anything other than unbridled joy? But the joke was on me because I kind of thought it would. I had bought into the not uncommon notion that when

我記得當時我在想，她真的以為哥倫比亞廣播公司接下這部劇後，我除了無法抑制的喜悅之外，還能感受到其他什麼嗎？但這個玩笑開在我身上，因為我也覺得會這樣。我相信了一個並不罕見的觀念，那就是當

I taste success, when I get over there, then I'll be happy. But the strangest thing happened.

我嚐到了成功的滋味，等我到了那裡，我就會很高興。但最奇怪的事情發生了。

As the show got more successful, I got more depressed. And I kind of had to keep that to myself. The circle of people to whom you can complain about being on a hit television show is unsurprisingly small. A lot of people think getting famous will save you, that it will grant you the life you feel you're owed and spare you certain indignities. I was pretty bummed to realize that rather than lessening or eliminating my insecurities and least attractive qualities, it basically poured fertilizer on them. The upside was that I could really see them, how competitive I was, how much I compared myself to others, how vain, anxious, and self-conscious I could be in my least attractive moments. The list goes on. And

隨著節目越來越成功，我也越來越沮喪。我不得不把這種情緒藏在心裡。在熱門電視節目中，可以向你抱怨的人圈子很小，這一點不足為奇。很多人認為成名就能拯救你，就能讓你過上你覺得理所應當的生活，就能讓你免受某些侮辱。當我意識到這非但不能減輕或消除我的不安全感和最不吸引人的特質，反而會給它們澆上肥料時，我感到非常沮喪。好的一面是，我能夠真正看到它們，我是多麼爭強好勝，我是多麼把自己和別人相提並論，在我最沒有吸引力的時候，我是多麼虛榮、焦慮和自我意識。這樣的例子不勝枚舉。還有

I saw that if I wanted to live with myself, I was going to have to work on myself. At some point, I realized that all of this was providing me with an intense and fruitful spiritual practice. Fame could be a terrific teacher if I agreed to the lesson plan. Now, part of that lesson plan involved getting used to a different degree of attention. There's this idea about actors that we love and crave the spotlight and welcome any chance to be in it. This is generally false. I want what I do to be seen and appreciated, but I can also be intensely shy and slightly monastic. Partly, this is born of a lifelong allergy to humiliation. Now, any garden variety, insecurity, or self-consciousness I might have felt before I was on television was suddenly multiplied a hundredfold. As the writer David

我明白，如果我想和自己一起生活，就必須對自己下功夫。在某一時刻，我意識到所有這一切都為我提供了一次緊張而富有成效的精神修煉。如果我同意課程計劃，名聲就能成為一名出色的老師。現在，課程計劃的一部分涉及到習慣於不同程度的關注。有一種關於演員的觀點認為，我們喜歡並渴望聚光燈，歡迎任何成為聚光燈焦點的機會。這通常是錯誤的。我希望我所做的一切都能被人看到和欣賞，但我也會非常害羞，略顯靦腆。部分原因是我終生對羞辱過敏。現在，我在上電視之前可能會有的各種不安全感或自我意識一下子被放大了百倍。正如作家大衛

Foster Wallace once said, nothing stimulates your what-will-I-look-like gland more than being on television. Now that I was on television every week and that gland was in overdrive,

福斯特-華萊士曾經說過，沒有什麼比上電視更能刺激你的 "我想怎樣 "腺了。現在，我每週都上電視，腺體就會超負荷運轉、

I really had to look at this in earnest. So I came to see that it was pride that was holding me hostage. Pride is a word we've turned into a virtue, but throughout much of human history it's been considered to be a vice, the capital defect, in fact, the one from which all the others spring. And it expresses itself in my life in a number of ways. First off, I want everyone to love and praise everything I think and say and do, and I feel there must have been some great cosmic error when they don't. The flip side is I can also feel like a world-class fraud who can't believe anyone lets me on primetime television or invites me to speak at fancy conferences in India. It really just depends upon the day. So there's a great spiritual master who gave some practical, if startling, advice regarding dealing with pride. He advised his students to find a way to get insulted every day. Now he took this quite seriously. There's a wonderful story about this master that apparently he had an enemy in the town in which he lived. This man hated the master and never missed an opportunity to gossip and spread reputation-destroying lies about him. The master knew of this man and what he was saying, and he was shaken by it. So what did he do? Once a week he would go to this man's house, he would knock on the door, the man would open the door, see the master standing there, and he would scream at him, call him names, say what a horrible fraud of a person and teacher he thought he was, on and on. The master would stand there for as long as the man had the energy to scream at him, and he always said nothing. He didn't object or defend himself. He remained completely silent. One day after years of doing this, it came time for the master to go to the man's house, and he didn't go. His students noticed and said, Master, it's four o'clock. Aren't you supposed to be at so-and-so's house getting screamed at? And he said, No, I don't need to go anymore. They said, Why not? And he said, I was there last week, and as he screamed at me, I felt nothing. Now, I didn't have to put myself through such an arduous exercise in exposure therapy, because fortunately there's the Internet, where you can get insulted for free on a very regular basis. The Internet,

我真的不得不認真對待這件事。於是我明白了，是 "驕傲 "挾持了我。傲慢這個詞我們已經把它變成了一種美德，但在人類歷史的大部分時間裡，它一直被認為是一種惡習，是最嚴重的缺陷，事實上，所有其他的缺陷都源於它。在我的生活中，它有多種表現形式。首先，我希望每個人都喜歡和讚美我的所思所想、所言所行，如果他們不喜歡和讚美我，我就會覺得一定是宇宙犯了什麼大錯。反過來，我也會覺得自己是個世界級的金光黨，不敢相信有人會讓我上黃金時段的電視，或者邀請我在印度的高級會議上發言。這真的要看是哪一天了。是以，有一位偉大的精神導師就

I've come to realize, is the perfectly designed pride-reduction technology. When my show first went on the air, I thought I would go on the old WWW and check out what people thought.

我逐漸意識到，這是一種設計完美的減少自尊心的技術。我的節目剛開始播出時，我想我應該上老式的 WWW，看看人們是怎麼想的。

What could be the harm, right? And so I'm reading messages on some comment thread or another, and there were some very nice things about the show and about me, and you can probably guess where this is headed. It started to get meaner and meaner, until I arrived at this one, which quickly embedded itself in my cranium and has to this day never left.

有什麼壞處呢，對吧？於是我開始閱讀一些評論留言，其中不乏對節目和我的溢美之詞。它開始變得越來越刻薄，直到我看到了這一條，它很快就嵌入了我的大腦，至今不曾離開。

It said, Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what it is I don't like about this guy, and I think

它說："是啊，我正在想，我到底不喜歡這傢伙哪一點，我覺得

I finally figured it out. His face. Nice, right? Now, there is, of course, an easy solution to all of this. Don't read it. And that was my policy for years and basically still is.

我終於想明白了。他的臉不錯吧？現在，當然有一個簡單的辦法來解決這一切。別看這是我多年來的原則 現在基本上也是如此

But there's also a usefulness in letting it toughen you up, in draining it of its power to chip away at your sense of self. The master didn't bury his head in the sand and wish his enemy went away. He stood there and he listened to him until it didn't affect him anymore. I'm never going to succeed at silencing my critics, but I can get a different relationship to criticism, one where I'm not rattled so easily. On the other side of that has been a new kind of freedom. As Winston Churchill said, nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result. Now, if you're visible in any way, you can be assured that people you've never met are going to come out of the woodwork and tell you you suck.

但是，讓它來磨礪你，讓它失去侵蝕你自我意識的力量，也是很有用的。主人並沒有把頭埋在沙子裡，希望他的敵人消失。他站在那裡，傾聽敵人的聲音，直到敵人不再影響他。我永遠不可能成功地讓責備我的人閉嘴，但我可以與責備建立一種不同的關係，讓我不那麼容易被激怒。從另一方面來說，這也是一種新的自由。正如溫斯頓-丘吉爾所說，生活中沒有什麼比無果而終更令人興奮的了。現在，如果你在任何方面引人注目，你可以放心，那些你從未見過的人一定會出來告訴你，你很差勁。

But that's not necessarily a bad thing. In today's world, if people are drawn to say negative things to you and about you online, it's actually a weird sign of success. People are paying attention. And it's my belief that that attention confers upon us a certain level of responsibility. You become a kind of ambassador. But for what? Now, many celebrities just want to sing or act or do whatever it is they do and be left alone. That's entirely reasonable.

但這並不一定是壞事。在當今世界，如果人們被吸引到網上說你的壞話，這其實是成功的一個奇怪跡象。人們在關注。我認為，這種關注賦予了我們某種程度的責任。你成為了一種大使。但為了什麼？現在，很多名人只想唱歌、演戲 或者做任何他們想做的事，然後就被拋棄了這是完全合理的。

But at the very least, I think one should consider adopting the physician's credo. First, do no harm. I got a big lesson in this the second year of my show. I was giving someone a ride home from a party where I'd had a few drinks, and I got pulled over by the police.

但至少，我認為人們應該考慮採納醫生的信條。首先，不傷害他人。在我做節目的第二年，我在這方面上了很大的一課。我在一次聚會上喝了點酒，順路載了一個人回家，結果被警察攔了下來。

I was put through the whole battery of sobriety tests, and my heart was beating so fast that

我接受了一整套清醒測試，我的心跳得很快，以至於

I didn't actually do all that well. The officer gave me a breathalyzer test, which I passed barely. The next morning, I realized that had I been arrested, there's a good chance my mugshot would have ended up splashed across myriad gossip websites. I thought about a young kid who was maybe a fan of the show and of mine and him seeing that and what that would look like to him. It was a reminder that my life was no longer entirely my own, that my missteps would be there for many people to see. First off, it made me take a good hard look at my drinking, which had ticked up considerably since the show went on the air. The rates of drug and alcohol abuse among celebrities are well-documented. I didn't want to be another sad statistic. I realized after the incident that I was much more interested in being an example rather than a cautionary tale, that my behavior off-screen was as vital and consequential as my behavior on. In my more awakened moments, I try to remember that everything that comes my way is potentially my teacher. Everything is an opportunity to go against my tired habits and practice something new. When a reporter misquotes or quotes me wildly out of context, I can practice surrender. When a fan behaves strangely around me, I can practice compassion. When a beautiful woman approaches me with a big smile and says,

實際上，我做得並不好。警官給我做了酒精測試，我勉強通過了。第二天早上，我意識到如果我被捕了，我的照片很有可能會出現在無數八卦網站上。我想到了一個年輕的孩子，他可能是這部劇和我的粉絲，他看到了這些，對他來說會是什麼樣子。這提醒我，我的生活不再完全屬於我自己，我的失誤會讓很多人看到。首先，它讓我認真審視了自己的酗酒問題，自從節目播出以來，我的酗酒量明顯增加了。名人的吸毒和酗酒率是有據可查的。我不想成為另一個可悲的統計數字。事後我意識到，我更想成為一個榜樣，而不是一個警世故事，我在銀幕外的行為與我在銀幕上的行為

I've never seen your show, but my boyfriend is a huge fan and he was too shy to come over and ask, but can he have a picture with you? I can practice acceptance. When the girlfriend's camera on her phone won't work and I'm standing awkwardly shoulder to shoulder with her grinning boyfriend for what seems like hours, I can practice patience. When I feel overwhelmed with attention or scrutiny, I can practice gratitude. When no one knows who I am or cares what I'm doing, I can practice humility. When people say all manner of offensive things in the guise of a compliment, such as, you're much more attractive in person or you're much thinner than you look on television, I can practice everything.

我從沒看過你的演出，但我男朋友是你的超級粉絲，他不好意思過來問，但他能和你合影嗎？我可以練習接受。當女朋友的手機相機無法正常工作，而我卻尷尬地和她大大咧咧的男朋友肩並肩站在一起，好像站了好幾個小時，我可以練習忍耐。當我對別人的關注或審視感到不知所措時，我可以練習感恩。當沒有人知道我是誰或關心我在做什麼時，我可以練習謙遜。當人們打著讚美的幌子說著各種冒犯的話，比如 "你本人更有魅力，或者你比電視上看起來瘦多了 "時，我可以練習一切。

The other options available to me in those instances are anger, frustration, resentment, disappointment, and a feeling of hopelessness and victimhood. One choice gives me some agency in my life, the other does not. One choice moves me forward, the other does not. Life is constantly offering up these fork in the road moments, and I've realized that which path I choose is a really big deal. I love what I do and I am immensely grateful I get to do it. I would like to stay sane and creative and energized and employed. The last decade for me has been a journey of busting through illusions, of getting my priorities straight.

在這種情況下，我的其他選擇是憤怒、沮喪、怨恨、失望，以及絕望和成為受害者的感覺。一種選擇讓我在生活中有了一些自主權，另一種則沒有。一種選擇能推動我前進，另一種則不能。生活中不斷出現這樣的岔路口，我意識到選擇哪條路真的很重要。我熱愛我的工作，我非常感激我能從事這份工作。我想保持理智、創造力、活力和就業。過去的十年對我來說是一個打破幻想、理清重點的旅程。

I try now to save the dysfunction for the art following Flaubert's wise dictum, be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work. So you may be asking yourself, why should this matter to anyone not on a long-running television show? Well, consider this. We're all pretty much visible at this point. Everyone has and curates an audience of sorts. Given this new weird visibility we all have, I think it's useful to ask ourselves, what are we putting out there? What are we emitting from our little control towers and what effect is that having on those who come in contact with it? I'm an optimist, but not of the delusional variety. The levels of suffering, hurt, hunger and ignorance in the world are outrageous and unacceptable. Given all of this, if a large or even a small number of eyeballs are on me for whatever reason, I feel deeply moved to offer something nourishing, something healing, something inspiring, something kind. Will this change anything? Will it move the world forward in any way? It's my belief that it can't not. I recently came across the psychological term behavioral contagion. The gist of behavioral contagion is essentially what it sounds like. Our behavior is contagious. Now we think we're these autonomous, independent-minded operators who are making clear-headed decisions. It's actually not true. We are porous, highly susceptible creatures whose words and actions are affecting each other constantly. We are in every moment taking cues from each other about who and how to be. The implications of this, if you really consider it, are pretty staggering.

福樓拜曾說過："生活要有規律、有秩序，這樣你的作品才會有暴力和獨創性。"現在，我試著把功能障礙留給藝術。所以，你可能會問自己，為什麼這對不在長壽電視節目中的人來說有什麼關係呢？好吧，考慮一下這個問題。在這一點上，我們都很顯眼。每個人都有並策劃著自己的觀眾。鑑於我們都有這種新的奇怪的可見度，我認為捫心自問是有益的，我們在向外傳播什麼？我們從自己的小控制塔裡發出了什麼，對接觸到它的人產生了什麼影響？我是個樂觀主義者，但不是妄想狂。世界上的苦難、傷害、飢餓和無知令人髮指，令人無法接受。有鑑於此，無論出於何種原因

Everything is contagious. Every word, every action, every tweet, every Facebook post is a contribution to the collective. Every encounter affects us in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, and then that encounter affects the next encounter, and so on, and so on, and so on. We are wildly underestimating the impact we have on each other. Those of us who are visible, and by that I really mean all of us, have a beautiful and holy opportunity. We can be contagiously good. I believe in the power of words. I believe in the molecule-altering properties of kindness, compassion, selflessness, and forgiveness. These are not headline-grabbing qualities, but they're what I believe we're hungering for beneath the shouting and the finger-pointing and the fence-building. A celebrity is one who is celebrated. What about us is worthy of celebration? I think there's a lot. I don't believe we're these miserable animals wired to maximize self-interest. I think that actually goes against our nature and causes us a lot of pain. Scientists who work at eradicating disease, they're not doing it so we can have a couple more years of being cruel to each other. We want more life, more time, so that we can have more stories, more inspiration, more opportunities to be kind. I believe deeply there can be no outer peace without inner peace, and that we always have a choice, that in every moment we're making the world with our thoughts, our words, and our actions.

一切都具有傳染性。每一句話、每一個動作、每一條推特、每一個 Facebook 帖子都是對集體的貢獻。每一次相遇都會以微妙或不那麼微妙的方式影響我們，然後這一次相遇又會影響下一次相遇，如此循環往復。我們嚴重低估了我們對彼此的影響。我們這些可見的人，我指的是我們所有人，擁有一個美麗而神聖的機會。我們可以成為具有傳染性的好人。我相信語言的力量。我相信善良、同情、無私和寬恕能夠改變分子的特性。這些品質並不吸引眼球，但我相信，它們正是我們在大喊大叫、相互指責和築起圍牆之下所渴求的。名人就是被歌頌的人。我們身上有什麼

I think we can all take a little better care of each other, be better examples for each other. I don't know about you guys, but this to me is really exciting stuff. This, I suspect, is how we remake the world. One word, one sentence, one story at a time. Thanks.

我想我們都能更好地照顧彼此，成為彼此的好榜樣。我不知道你們怎麼想，但這對我來說真的很令人興奮。我想，這就是我們重塑世界的方式。一個詞，一句話，一個故事，一次完成。謝謝。