my daughter Rebecca texted me for good luck.

我的女兒蕾貝卡送了個簡訊來祝我一切順利

Her text said,

她的簡訊說

"Mom, you will rock."

“媽，你會紅”

I love this.

我很喜歡

Getting that text

收到這個簡訊

was like getting a hug.

像得到一個擁抱一樣

And so there you have it.

這就是我們今天要說的主題

I embody

我就代表了

the central paradox.

這個矛盾中心

I'm a woman

我是個

who loves getting texts

喜歡收到簡訊的女人

who's going to tell you

但我同時還要來告訴你們

that too many of them can be a problem.

太多簡訊會出問題

Actually that reminder of my daughter

事實上我女兒的這個簡訊

brings me to the beginning of my story.

讓我回想起這個故事的起點

1996, when I gave my first TEDTalk,

1996年，我第一次來TED作演講

Rebecca was five years old

蕾貝卡只有5歲

and she was sitting right there

她就坐在這裡

in the front row.

在第一排上

I had just written a book

那時我剛寫完了一本書

that celebrated our life on the internet

來紀念我們的網路生活

and I was about to be on the cover

爲此Wired（專門報導未來趨勢）雜誌

of Wired magazine.

還邀請了我去上他們的封面

In those heady days,

在那段讓人振奮的日子裏

we were experimenting

我們正在試驗

with chat rooms and online virtual communities.

網路上的聊天室和虛擬社區

We were exploring different aspects of ourselves.

我們在探索自己不同的相貌

And then we unplugged.

然後我們拔下插頭下綫

I was excited.

這讓我覺得很興奮

And, as a psychologist, what excited me most

身為心理學家，讓我最感興趣的

was the idea

是這樣一個想法

that we would use what we learned in the virtual world

就是我們會基於我們在虛擬世界裏

about ourselves, about our identity,

對自己的認識和認同

to live better lives in the real world.

而在真實世界裏活得更好

Now fast-forward to 2012.

現在快轉到2012年

I'm back here on the TED stage again.

我又回來TED演講

My daughter's 20. She's a college student.

我的女兒已經20歲了

She sleeps with her cellphone,

她是大學生，她抱著手機入睡

so do I.

我也是

And I've just written a new book,

我最近又完成了一本書

but this time it's not one

但這一次這本書

that will get me on the cover

沒有讓我再登上

of Wired magazine.

Wired雜誌的封面

So what happened?

爲什麽會這樣？

I'm still excited by technology,

科技仍然讓我感到着迷

but I believe,

但我相信

and I'm here to make the case,

在此我也要舉證讓大家看

that we're letting it take us places

我們讓科技把我們帶到

that we don't want to go.

我們不想去的地方

Over the past 15 years,

過去的15年來

I've studied technologies of mobile communication

我研究了行動通訊科技

and I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people,

我訪問了上百個人

young and old,

有老的和年輕的

about their plugged in lives.

我跟他們問了他們的網上生活

And what I've found

我的發現是

is that our little devices,

我們這些小小的

those little devices in our pockets,

放在口袋裏的行動裝置

are so psychologically powerful

對我們心理有如此大的影響力

that they don't only change what we do,

不止改變了我們的所作所爲

they change who we are.

甚至改變了我們個人

Some of the things we do now with our devices

有些我們現在用行動裝置做的事

are things that, only a few years ago,

在不久之前看來

we would have found odd

我們還會覺得那很奇怪

or disturbing,

或是讓人不安

but they've quickly come to seem familiar,

但在很短的時間裏大家就習慣了

just how we do things.

這些做事的方法

So just to take some quick examples:

讓我們看幾個例子

People text or do email

人們在公司開會時

during corporate board meetings.

傳簡訊或發送電子郵件

They text and shop and go on Facebook

大家傳簡訊、上網購物及上臉書

during classes, during presentations,

不論在上課時，還是在聼演講時

actually during all meetings.

事實上在所有的集會上都這樣

People talk to me about the important new skill

還有人告訴我一個重要的新技巧

of making eye contact

就是打簡訊時

while you're texting.

別忘了還要跟講者有眼神的接觸

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

People explain to me

他們跟我說

that it's hard, but that it can be done.

雖然這不容易，但還是做得到

Parents text and do email

爸媽也在送簡訊和打email

at breakfast and at dinner

而他們的兒女在吃早餐和晚餐時

while their children complain

則抱怨說

about not having their parents' full attention.

得不到父母的關注

But then these same children

在抱怨的這些子女也同樣地

deny each other their full attention.

也沒能給對方關注

This is a recent shot

這是一張最近的照片

of my daughter and her friends

是我的女兒和她的朋友們

being together

他們在一起

while not being together.

卻又不在一起

And we even text at funerals.

還有人在告別式上打簡訊

I study this.

我研究這些現象

We remove ourselves

我們把我們自己

from our grief or from our revery

從悲傷或白日夢中抽離

and we go into our phones.

投入到我們的手機裏

Why does this matter?

這爲什麽很重要？

It matters to me

這對我而言很重要

because I think we're setting ourselves up for trouble --

因爲我認爲我們為自己找來麻煩

trouble certainly

麻煩很明顯地在於

in how we relate to each other,

我們如何和其他人相處

but also trouble

麻煩也會出現在

in how we relate to ourselves

我們如何和自己相處

and our capacity for self-reflection.

還有我們自我反省的能力

We're getting used to a new way

我們漸漸地習慣於一種新的

of being alone together.

在一起一同寂寞的相處形態

People want to be with each other,

人們想要聚在一起

but also elsewhere --

但又想要到別的地方

connected to all the different places they want to be.

去和他們想去的地方連綫

People want to customize their lives.

人們想要訂制自己的生活

They want to go in and out of all the places they are

想要進出所有的地方

because the thing that matters most to them

因爲對他們而言重要的是

is control over where they put their attention.

對自己注意力的掌控權

So you want to go to that board meeting,

所以你希望能出席會議

but you only want to pay attention

但你只想要關注

to the bits that interest you.

你有興趣的事

And some people think that's a good thing.

有的人認爲這是一件好事

But you can end up

但最後有可能變成

hiding from each other,

我們互相在躲對方

even as we're all constantly connected to each other.

儘管我們24小時都連綫在一起

A 50-year-old business man

一個50歲的生意人

lamented to me

跟我抱怨說

that he feels he doesn't have colleagues anymore at work.

在工作上他覺得他沒有同事了

When he goes to work, he doesn't stop by to talk to anybody,

當他去上班時他不再停下來跟人講話

he doesn't call.

他不再打電話

And he says he doesn't want to interrupt his colleagues

他說他不想打擾他的同事

because, he says, "They're too busy on their email."

因爲，他說“他們都在忙他們的email”

But then he stops himself

然而他停了一下

and he says, "You know, I'm not telling you the truth.

說，“唉，我沒有老實說

I'm the one who doesn't want to be interrupted.

其實不想被打擾的人是我

I think I should want to,

我認爲我該跟其他人多些互動

but actually I'd rather just do things on my Blackberry."

但是我只想在我的黑莓機上搞自己的東西“

Across the generations,

在各個世代的身上

I see that people can't get enough of each other,

我看到，人們恨不得時刻在一起

if and only if

只要

they can have each other at a distance,

彼此能保持一定的距離

in amounts they can control.

在他們能控制的範圍内

I call it the Goldilocks effect:

我稱這個為三隻小熊效應

not too close, not too far,

有點近又不會太近

just right.

剛剛好的距離

But what might feel just right

但是對剛那個中年男人來說

for that middle-aged executive

適當的距離

can be a problem for an adolescent

對青少年來説可能就不適當了

who needs to develop face-to-face relationships.

青少年需要發展面對面的關係

An 18-year-old boy

一個18歲的男孩

who uses texting for almost everything

幾乎一切都以簡訊來溝通

says to me wistfully,

他語帶渴望地對我說

"Someday, someday,

“有一天，總有一天

but certainly not now,

但絕對不是現在

I'd like to learn how to have a conversation."

我想學習如何與人交談”

When I ask people

當我問人們

"What's wrong with having a conversation?"

“跟人交談有什麽不好？”

People say, "I'll tell you what's wrong with having a conversation.

人們說，“我可以告訴你有什麽不好

It takes place in real time

面對面交談是真實進行的

and you can't control what you're going to say."

你無法控制要說些什麽”

So that's the bottom line.

所以重點就在這裏

Texting, email, posting,

簡訊，電子郵件，po文

all of these things

這些功能

let us present the self as we want to be.

讓我們用自己想要的方式呈現自己

We get to edit,

我們能編輯

and that means we get to delete,

也就代表我們能刪除

and that means we get to retouch,

我們能修改

the face, the voice,

我們的臉，聲音

the flesh, the body --

肌膚，身體

not too little, not too much,

不多也不少

just right.

剛剛好

Human relationships

人際關係

are rich and they're messy

是豐富的也是複雜的

and they're demanding.

需要用心經營

And we clean them up with technology.

而我們用科技將人際關係清理乾淨

And when we do,

當我們這麽做時

one of the things that can happen

可能發生的一件事

is that we sacrifice conversation

就是我們犧牲了對話

for mere connection.

而只成就了基本的連結

We short-change ourselves.

我們配得更多

And over time,

而隨著時間的經過

we seem to forget this,

我們好像忘了這點

or we seem to stop caring.

或是我們好像不再在乎了

I was caught off guard

我被嚇了一大跳

when Stephen Colbert

當Stephen Colbert（政治評論家、作家、主持人）

asked me a profound question,

問了我一個有深度的問題的時候

a profound question.

這個很有深度的問題

He said, "Don't all those little tweets,

他說“這些零零碎碎的短句

don't all those little sips

這些片斷的章句

of online communication,

不都是溝通的一部分？

add up to one big gulp

而最後總會合成一個

of real conversation?"

完整的真實對話？“

My answer was no,

我的回答是否定的

they don't add up.

他們沒有加總的效果

Connecting in sips may work

用零零碎碎的片段來溝通

for gathering discreet bits of information,

在傳遞較簡短隱私的資訊時或許可行

they may work for saying, "I'm thinking about you,"

用來説說“我在想你”可能可以

or even for saying, "I love you," --

甚至說“我愛你”也還可以

I mean, look at how I felt

我的意思是說

when I got that text from my daughter --

看看我女兒的簡訊讓我多麽高興

but they don't really work

但是這些隻字片語

for learning about each other,

是沒有辦法讓我們了解對方的

for really coming to know and understand each other.

不能讓我們真正互相了解和認識

And we use conversations with each other

而我們用和其他人的對話

to learn how to have conversations

來學習如何

with ourselves.

和我們自己對話

So a flight from conversation

所以逃避對話

can really matter

是一件嚴重的事

because it can compromise

因爲這會同時危害

our capacity for self-reflection.

我們自我反省的能力

For kids growing up,

對成長中的小孩而言

that skill is the bedrock of development.

這個能力是發展的基礎

Over and over I hear,

我一再地聽到人們說

"I would rather text than talk."

“我寧願送簡訊也不要講話”

And what I'm seeing

而我看到的是

is that people get so used to being short-changed

人們變得十分習慣於

out of real conversation,

迴避真正的對話

so used to getting by with less,

將就於這省略版的對話

that they've become almost willing

而最後變得也幾乎不在意

to dispense with people altogether.

將對話的對象也省略掉

So for example,

擧個例子來説

many people share with me this wish,

很多人跟我表達了這個願望

that some day a more advanced version of Siri,

說希望有一天Siri

the digital assistant on Apple's iPhone,

這個蘋果電腦i-Phone内建的數位個人助理

will be more like a best friend,

會變成我們最好的朋友

someone who will listen

當其他人不願的時候

when others won't.

這個軟體還會傾聽我們的心聲

I believe this wish

我相信這個願望

reflects a painful truth

是反映了我過去15年

that I've learned in the past 15 years.

所學到的一個痛苦的事實

That feeling that no one is listening to me

也就是說這個“沒有人聼我講話”的感覺

is very important

在我們和科技之間的關係

in our relationships with technology.

佔有很重要的地位

That's why it's so appealing

這也就是爲什麽

to have a Facebook page

臉書上的最新動態或

or a Twitter feed --

推特的最新動態是如此地吸引人

so many automatic listeners.

因爲在那上面有這麽多現成的聽衆

And the feeling that no one is listening to me

這個“沒有人聼我講話”的感覺

make us want to spend time

讓我們想花更多的時間

with machines that seem to care about us.

跟好像在乎我們的機器在一起

We're developing robots,

我們研發了機器人

they call them sociable robots,

取名叫作社交型機器人

that are specifically designed to be companions --

專門用來和人們作伴

to the elderly,

和老人作伴

to our children,

和小孩做伴

to us.

也和我們作伴

Have we so lost confidence

我們對和彼此作伴

that we will be there for each other?

難道已經絕望到如此地步了嗎？

During my research

在我的研究中

I worked in nursing homes,

我研究過一些安養中心

and I brought in these sociable robots

我引入了這些社交型的機器人

that were designed to give the elderly

這些機器人的功能被設計為

the feeling that they were understood.

要讓老人們覺得自己可以被了解

And one day I came in

有一天我走進來看到

and a woman who had lost a child

有一個失去孩子的媽媽

was talking to a robot

在跟一個外形是小海豹的

in the shape of a baby seal.

機器人講話

It seemed to be looking in her eyes.

機器人似乎注視著她的雙眼

It seemed to be following the conversation.

似乎能夠聼懂她的話

It comforted her.

能夠安撫她

And many people found this amazing.

而很多人覺得這很奇妙

But that woman was trying to make sense of her life

那個女人在試著去找出她生命的意義

with a machine that had no experience

想要透過一個完全沒有生老病死的機器人

of the arc of a human life.

來找出生命的意義

That robot put on a great show.

機器人做了很成功的演出

And we're vulnerable.

而我們很脆弱

People experience pretend empathy

人們體驗了虛假的移情作用

as though it were the real thing.

還以爲那是真的

So during that moment

所以在那個時候

when that woman

當那個女人

was experiencing that pretend empathy,

在體驗虛假的移情作用時

I was thinking, "That robot can't empathize.

我在想：這個機器人是不會憐憫人的

It doesn't face death.

機器人不需面對死亡

It doesn't know life."

不會懂生命

And as that woman took comfort

而當那個媽媽

in her robot companion,

從機器人身上得到慰藉

I didn't find it amazing;