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  • Just a moment ago,

    幾分鐘前

  • my daughter Rebecca texted me for good luck.

    我的女兒蕾貝卡送了個簡訊來祝我一切順利

  • Her text said,

    她的簡訊說

  • "Mom, you will rock."

    “媽,你會紅”

  • I love this.

    我很喜歡

  • Getting that text

    收到這個簡訊

  • was like getting a hug.

    像得到一個擁抱一樣

  • And so there you have it.

    這就是我們今天要說的主題

  • I embody

    我就代表了

  • the central paradox.

    這個矛盾中心

  • I'm a woman

    我是個

  • who loves getting texts

    喜歡收到簡訊的女人

  • who's going to tell you

    但我同時還要來告訴你們

  • that too many of them can be a problem.

    太多簡訊會出問題

  • Actually that reminder of my daughter

    事實上我女兒的這個簡訊

  • brings me to the beginning of my story.

    讓我回想起這個故事的起點

  • 1996, when I gave my first TEDTalk,

    1996年,我第一次來TED作演講

  • Rebecca was five years old

    蕾貝卡只有5歲

  • and she was sitting right there

    她就坐在這裡

  • in the front row.

    在第一排上

  • I had just written a book

    那時我剛寫完了一本書

  • that celebrated our life on the internet

    來紀念我們的網路生活

  • and I was about to be on the cover

    爲此Wired(專門報導未來趨勢)雜誌

  • of Wired magazine.

    還邀請了我去上他們的封面

  • In those heady days,

    在那段讓人振奮的日子裏

  • we were experimenting

    我們正在試驗

  • with chat rooms and online virtual communities.

    網路上的聊天室和虛擬社區

  • We were exploring different aspects of ourselves.

    我們在探索自己不同的相貌

  • And then we unplugged.

    然後我們拔下插頭下綫

  • I was excited.

    這讓我覺得很興奮

  • And, as a psychologist, what excited me most

    身為心理學家,讓我最感興趣的

  • was the idea

    是這樣一個想法

  • that we would use what we learned in the virtual world

    就是我們會基於我們在虛擬世界裏

  • about ourselves, about our identity,

    對自己的認識和認同

  • to live better lives in the real world.

    而在真實世界裏活得更好

  • Now fast-forward to 2012.

    現在快轉到2012年

  • I'm back here on the TED stage again.

    我又回來TED演講

  • My daughter's 20. She's a college student.

    我的女兒已經20歲了

  • She sleeps with her cellphone,

    她是大學生,她抱著手機入睡

  • so do I.

    我也是

  • And I've just written a new book,

    我最近又完成了一本書

  • but this time it's not one

    但這一次這本書

  • that will get me on the cover

    沒有讓我再登上

  • of Wired magazine.

    Wired雜誌的封面

  • So what happened?

    爲什麽會這樣?

  • I'm still excited by technology,

    科技仍然讓我感到着迷

  • but I believe,

    但我相信

  • and I'm here to make the case,

    在此我也要舉證讓大家看

  • that we're letting it take us places

    我們讓科技把我們帶到

  • that we don't want to go.

    我們不想去的地方

  • Over the past 15 years,

    過去的15年來

  • I've studied technologies of mobile communication

    我研究了行動通訊科技

  • and I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people,

    我訪問了上百個人

  • young and old,

    有老的和年輕的

  • about their plugged in lives.

    我跟他們問了他們的網上生活

  • And what I've found

    我的發現是

  • is that our little devices,

    我們這些小小的

  • those little devices in our pockets,

    放在口袋裏的行動裝置

  • are so psychologically powerful

    對我們心理有如此大的影響力

  • that they don't only change what we do,

    不止改變了我們的所作所爲

  • they change who we are.

    甚至改變了我們個人

  • Some of the things we do now with our devices

    有些我們現在用行動裝置做的事

  • are things that, only a few years ago,

    在不久之前看來

  • we would have found odd

    我們還會覺得那很奇怪

  • or disturbing,

    或是讓人不安

  • but they've quickly come to seem familiar,

    但在很短的時間裏大家就習慣了

  • just how we do things.

    這些做事的方法

  • So just to take some quick examples:

    讓我們看幾個例子

  • People text or do email

    人們在公司開會時

  • during corporate board meetings.

    傳簡訊或發送電子郵件

  • They text and shop and go on Facebook

    大家傳簡訊、上網購物及上臉書

  • during classes, during presentations,

    不論在上課時,還是在聼演講時

  • actually during all meetings.

    事實上在所有的集會上都這樣

  • People talk to me about the important new skill

    還有人告訴我一個重要的新技巧

  • of making eye contact

    就是打簡訊時

  • while you're texting.

    別忘了還要跟講者有眼神的接觸

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • People explain to me

    他們跟我說

  • that it's hard, but that it can be done.

    雖然這不容易,但還是做得到

  • Parents text and do email

    爸媽也在送簡訊和打email

  • at breakfast and at dinner

    而他們的兒女在吃早餐和晚餐時

  • while their children complain

    則抱怨說

  • about not having their parents' full attention.

    得不到父母的關注

  • But then these same children

    在抱怨的這些子女也同樣地

  • deny each other their full attention.

    也沒能給對方關注

  • This is a recent shot

    這是一張最近的照片

  • of my daughter and her friends

    是我的女兒和她的朋友們

  • being together

    他們在一起

  • while not being together.

    卻又不在一起

  • And we even text at funerals.

    還有人在告別式上打簡訊

  • I study this.

    我研究這些現象

  • We remove ourselves

    我們把我們自己

  • from our grief or from our revery

    從悲傷或白日夢中抽離

  • and we go into our phones.

    投入到我們的手機裏

  • Why does this matter?

    這爲什麽很重要?

  • It matters to me

    這對我而言很重要

  • because I think we're setting ourselves up for trouble --

    因爲我認爲我們為自己找來麻煩

  • trouble certainly

    麻煩很明顯地在於

  • in how we relate to each other,

    我們如何和其他人相處

  • but also trouble

    麻煩也會出現在

  • in how we relate to ourselves

    我們如何和自己相處

  • and our capacity for self-reflection.

    還有我們自我反省的能力

  • We're getting used to a new way

    我們漸漸地習慣於一種新的

  • of being alone together.

    在一起一同寂寞的相處形態

  • People want to be with each other,

    人們想要聚在一起

  • but also elsewhere --

    但又想要到別的地方

  • connected to all the different places they want to be.

    去和他們想去的地方連綫

  • People want to customize their lives.

    人們想要訂制自己的生活

  • They want to go in and out of all the places they are

    想要進出所有的地方

  • because the thing that matters most to them

    因爲對他們而言重要的是

  • is control over where they put their attention.

    對自己注意力的掌控權

  • So you want to go to that board meeting,

    所以你希望能出席會議

  • but you only want to pay attention

    但你只想要關注

  • to the bits that interest you.

    你有興趣的事

  • And some people think that's a good thing.

    有的人認爲這是一件好事

  • But you can end up

    但最後有可能變成

  • hiding from each other,

    我們互相在躲對方

  • even as we're all constantly connected to each other.

    儘管我們24小時都連綫在一起

  • A 50-year-old business man

    一個50歲的生意人

  • lamented to me

    跟我抱怨說

  • that he feels he doesn't have colleagues anymore at work.

    在工作上他覺得他沒有同事了

  • When he goes to work, he doesn't stop by to talk to anybody,

    當他去上班時他不再停下來跟人講話

  • he doesn't call.

    他不再打電話

  • And he says he doesn't want to interrupt his colleagues

    他說他不想打擾他的同事

  • because, he says, "They're too busy on their email."

    因爲,他說“他們都在忙他們的email”

  • But then he stops himself

    然而他停了一下

  • and he says, "You know, I'm not telling you the truth.

    說,“唉,我沒有老實說

  • I'm the one who doesn't want to be interrupted.

    其實不想被打擾的人是我

  • I think I should want to,

    我認爲我該跟其他人多些互動

  • but actually I'd rather just do things on my Blackberry."

    但是我只想在我的黑莓機上搞自己的東西“

  • Across the generations,

    在各個世代的身上

  • I see that people can't get enough of each other,

    我看到,人們恨不得時刻在一起

  • if and only if

    只要

  • they can have each other at a distance,

    彼此能保持一定的距離

  • in amounts they can control.

    在他們能控制的範圍内

  • I call it the Goldilocks effect:

    我稱這個為三隻小熊效應

  • not too close, not too far,

    有點近又不會太近

  • just right.

    剛剛好的距離

  • But what might feel just right

    但是對剛那個中年男人來說

  • for that middle-aged executive

    適當的距離

  • can be a problem for an adolescent

    對青少年來説可能就不適當了

  • who needs to develop face-to-face relationships.

    青少年需要發展面對面的關係

  • An 18-year-old boy

    一個18歲的男孩

  • who uses texting for almost everything

    幾乎一切都以簡訊來溝通

  • says to me wistfully,

    他語帶渴望地對我說

  • "Someday, someday,

    “有一天,總有一天

  • but certainly not now,

    但絕對不是現在

  • I'd like to learn how to have a conversation."

    我想學習如何與人交談”

  • When I ask people

    當我問人們

  • "What's wrong with having a conversation?"

    “跟人交談有什麽不好?”

  • People say, "I'll tell you what's wrong with having a conversation.

    人們說,“我可以告訴你有什麽不好

  • It takes place in real time

    面對面交談是真實進行的

  • and you can't control what you're going to say."

    你無法控制要說些什麽”

  • So that's the bottom line.

    所以重點就在這裏

  • Texting, email, posting,

    簡訊,電子郵件,po文

  • all of these things

    這些功能

  • let us present the self as we want to be.

    讓我們用自己想要的方式呈現自己

  • We get to edit,

    我們能編輯

  • and that means we get to delete,

    也就代表我們能刪除

  • and that means we get to retouch,

    我們能修改

  • the face, the voice,

    我們的臉,聲音

  • the flesh, the body --

    肌膚,身體

  • not too little, not too much,

    不多也不少

  • just right.

    剛剛好

  • Human relationships

    人際關係

  • are rich and they're messy

    是豐富的也是複雜的

  • and they're demanding.

    需要用心經營

  • And we clean them up with technology.

    而我們用科技將人際關係清理乾淨

  • And when we do,

    當我們這麽做時

  • one of the things that can happen

    可能發生的一件事

  • is that we sacrifice conversation

    就是我們犧牲了對話

  • for mere connection.

    而只成就了基本的連結