Tenderness
US /ˈtɛndɚnɪs/
・UK /'tendənɪs/
B2 中高級
n. (u.)不可數名詞觸痛；心軟難處理
I have a tenderness in my leg from where the horse kicked me
影片字幕
為什麼我們談戀愛需要慢慢來？❤️ (Why We Need to Take It Slowly in Love)
- In our youngest years, we may have had to acclimatise ourselves to a very uneven supply of affection. Perhaps mother was unavailable and father was violent. There might have been a lot of sarcasm and not much patience for our sorrows or opinions. And therefore, the only way to survive would have been to withdraw, to learn to play alone and to make our peace with a restricted emotional diet. So when someone arrives in adulthood promising us a banquet, when someone lays out dish after dish of generosity and care, when someone promises us unlimited kindness and tenderness, our first response may not be joy but nausea, not delight but panic. We may be unable to absorb or metabolise any of the rich nutrients before us and, without quite knowing why, in order to maintain our poise, may have no option but to turn on our kind hosts, blame them for being weak or odd and run away. We might wish to tell them, please be so kind as not to be too kind, please be generous enough not to overwhelm me, please let me find my own way to reciprocation. On the other side of the ledger, we, the so-called generous ones, the banquet givers who like to move fast, should also be brave enough to question our behaviour. It may look as if we are being purely and simply romantic, Paris on the second date, nicknames after a week. But we may turn out to be, beneath our bold gestures, something rather more complicated and sad, untenably and unhelpfully anxious. We lose our minds if we haven't heard from them in two hours.
在我們年幼的時候，我們可能不得不適應非常不均衡的親情供應。也許母親不在身邊，父親又很粗暴。他們可能會對我們冷嘲熱諷，對我們的悲傷或意見沒有多少耐心。是以，唯一的生存之道就是退縮，學會獨自玩耍，在有限的情感飲食中求得安寧。是以，當成年後有人來到我們身邊，許諾給我們一場盛宴，當有人擺出一盤又一盤慷慨和關懷的菜餚，當有人承諾給我們無限的善意和溫柔，我們的第一反應可能不是喜悅，而是噁心，不是高興，而是恐慌。我們可能無法吸收或新陳代謝我們面前的任何豐富營養，而且不知道為什麼，為了保持我們的風度，我們可能別無選擇，只
- So, when someone arrives in adulthood promising us a banquet, when someone lays out dish after dish of generosity and care, when someone promises us unlimited kindness and tenderness, our first response may not be joy but nausea—not delight but panic.
受傷的人如何尋求更進一步的懲罰？ (How Wounded People Seek Out further Punishment)
- It's just that for us, home was a place of grief and persecution. It's easy enough to see why children put up with poor treatment. They're born radically powerless. They can't run away. They are utterly at the mercy of others. They can't even think especially straight. What they must do, above all else, is adapt. Which in practice means learning to put up with poor treatment. They have to develop an advanced skill at not noticing quite how awful things are, an expertise at being unfazed by cruelty and neglect. Children in deprived circumstances tend to be geniuses at looking away, disassociating and making light of things. Of course, it might not be perfect that their father screams at them constantly, but there are some interesting shows on television and there's a really fascinating bit of the garden to explore in the morning. You can climb up the big tree and imagine it's a little house. And of course, ideally their mother wouldn't be so mocking and disloyal. But that's just the way things are, neither more or less sad than the fact it's often raining and there's a lot of homework to do. In any case, the bad treatment almost certainly has to do with something that they, the child, have done wrong. Badly treated children tend to take a compulsively generous view of those who injure them. Obviously, they aren't nasty on purpose. That would make no sense. Clearly, their ostensible brutality has sound explanations. It must be because they, the child, is in the wrong. That's why they're being neglected. That's why they've been declared fools. That's why they're being bullied. It's a great deal easier to believe that the parent is tough, yet fundamentally right, rather than gratuitously callous and unjustifiably hostile. In other words, what a bad childhood trains us to do, above all else, is to indulge meanness. The muscle that normally functions to repel attacks has had to be starved and has atrophied. In order to survive, we had to lose the ability to work out what was good and bad for us, lest we discover that we spent 18 years in the company of fiends. What this means for our futures is that we will be extremely poor at discerning when the partners we let into our lives cross the border into selfishness and malevolence. We'll continue under a narcoleptic command not to notice that we're being robbed and deceived. We'll be as blind to the blows now as we were then. For a long time, it simply won't occur to us to wonder why we've ended up paying for everything for the partner, or why they're unreliable in their promises, or constantly prioritise their friends over us, or are angrily defensive whenever we raise a complaint. We will simply, as we had to early on, fall into line and invent elaborate explanations for their behaviour. They're good, but they're tired. They're durable, but under pressure at work. They're fierce, but compensating for their childhood traumas, for which we have a lot of sympathy. Anything other than the more straightforward conclusion, we've fallen in with unconcerned egoists. We shouldn't compound our disloyalty towards ourselves by feeling, on top of everything else, ashamed for our tolerance. It isn't weakness, it's a survival strategy from childhood that served a very sensible purpose then but is liable to be ruining our lives now. To wake ourselves up, we need to consider our choices as if someone else had made them. We might wonder what we would advise a friend to do if they were in our situation. And through such a lens, we might start to perceive that the treatment we're facing isn't, as we've long thought, a sign of our partner's depth or complexity, but in the end, something much more humble, evidence that we need to get away. But this will be only a momentary liberation until we can understand the more fundamental issue, that the muscle most people use to eject poison has withered because of a distinctive history. We need to reverse the direction of our psychological fate. Our early suffering should not condemn us to yet more pain. It is what gives us an especially powerful claim on original sources of kindness, tenderness and calm.
只是對我們來說，家是一個充滿悲傷和迫害的地方。很容易理解為什麼孩子們要忍受惡劣的待遇。他們生來就毫無力量他們無法逃避。他們完全任由他人擺佈。他們甚至連思考的能力都沒有他們必須做的，最重要的，就是適應。在實踐中，這意味著要學會忍受惡劣的待遇。他們必須發展出一種高級技能，即不去注意事情有多糟糕，擅長對殘忍和忽視不為所動。生活在貧困環境中的孩子往往是睜一隻眼閉一隻眼、脫離現實和輕描淡寫的天才。當然，他們的父親經常對他們大吼大叫，這可能並不完美，但電視上有一些有趣的節目，而且早上可以去花園裡探索一個非常迷人的地方
- It is what gives us an especially powerful claim on original sources of kindness, tenderness, and calm.
那個讓你放不下的前任！ (The Ex You Can’t Get Over)
- The emotional mind idealises - the ex was an intellectual colossus, a paragon of virtue and tenderness, the essence of kinky complicity - to which the logical mind struggles to add - and they were, above anything else, just another human being - and not an especially kind one at that, for what kind of person leaves you with such immaturity in such a mess?
他們是愛我的，即使他們無影無蹤。
- The ex was an intellectual colossus, a paragon of virtue and tenderness, the essence of kinky complicity.
前男友是個知識巨人，是美德和溫柔的典範，是變態共謀的精髓。
男性的孤獨心理學：你瞭解多少？ (The Psychology of Male Loneliness)
- The histories of art and literature are all the proof one might require that men are capable of the greatest empathy and tenderness.
如果我們想做出切實的改變，我們可以設計一些對話卡片包，把它們分發給男人，讓他們帶著去酒吧、酒館、射擊場和高爾夫俱樂部。
- The histories of art and literature are all the proof one might require that men are capable of the greatest empathy and tenderness.
藝術史和文學史足以證明，人類能夠產生最偉大的共鳴和柔情。
《熊家餐館》最棒的食材是「溫柔」！ (The Bear's Best Ingredient Is Tenderness)
- The real antidote to the turmoil of Carmi's family is not more stress or better stress, but tenderness.
卡爾米家庭動盪的真正解藥不是更多的壓力，也不是更好的壓力，而是溫柔。
- tenderness—a mutual kindness and gentleness in interpersonal relationships.
首先是第四集馬庫斯和盧卡在哥本哈根的對話。
屠夫的虛榮 ft. 易希 (BUTCHER VANITY ft. Yi Xi)
- Oh why lazy unfocused your waist it's love, the cosmic labor with such tenderness a perfect strike you fix the horror on your face the slaughter supply no blood in this s divine preserving prime muscle Divid up your thy end in the height was an shelling linger I have devour all of you in time oh your heart Aunt Clap My love, my heart so grab a taste check away I'm still praying on the butcher's bang to snap this in you I want to get within you I want to never give you rigor mortis mole and melting but dear, you should be grateful that I won't waste a good meal and all my love precision cars and curse in real life Just got to see you I want to get within you I want to tissue but I'm fine the slaughter's on I love to see you coming down and setting spine Until I've got your play don't let go Grab a plate, have a taste Chuck away, don't watch and I'm still Rain on a bunch of Spain and all the slaughters My, my darling, get under the knife, you're broken right?
每一口 bait 都在裡面，他們不希望有 patience 的 overture，他們說 glutton 是個 sin，但我的 desire 是 bottomless，我想 slit 你的 road，細節裡，我可以 sink 掉 slaughter 的 fun，我愛 see 你 undone，不滿足，直到我拿到你的盤子，我會拿個盤子，嚐一口，check away，不，我還在祈禱，在屠夫的日子裡，把你打扮成編織褲，哦，別用蠟裝飾你的 flesh，完美地刷洗並買一個裝飾，供應最精緻的剩餘甜點，我為什麼要 de
- It's love that cuts my cleaver, it's such tenderness.
你們明明很好，卻總是「不夠親」？友情難以更深入的真相 (Why Your Friendships Don't Go Deeper)
- Don't wait for them to tell you this—assume it's true and then just respond accordingly with preemptive signs of sympathy and tenderness.
瞭解自己和他人，進而清出對話空間，讓他們那些有點古怪但又完全正常的部分得以成形。
- then just respond accordingly with pre emptive signs of sympathy and tenderness.
就以預先表達的同理心和溫柔來回應。