What is his secret?

他的秘訣是什麼？

How does he do it?

他是怎麼做到的？

He says the key to relationship success does not lie in candlelight dinners.

他說婚姻的成功之道不在於浪漫的燭光晚餐。

It is not found in trips to Paris or horse and carriage rides under moonlit skies.

不在於令人炫目的巴黎之旅或月光下的復古馬車。

It is not found in getting your partner a different gift every other week.

也不在於每一周都送你的愛人不同的禮物。

And it is not found during long walks on the beach.

當然也不在於海灘上的親暱漫步。

Gottman says the most important factor for a happy marriage is attention.

Gottman 說維持幸福婚姻最重要的一件事就是注意力。

Small moments of positive attention.

一些小小的、但卻正面又充滿愛的注意。

When I heard this I thought about my mom.

當聽到這件事時，我想到了我母親。

See, when I was six she told me that it was the little things that make the big difference.

當我六歲時，她告訴我細微的事情就能造就巨大的差異。

And as I look back on my parent's failed marriage, I see that it was those little things that eventually became non-existent.

後來在回首我父母失敗的婚姻時，我發現就是這些細微的小事因為被忽視而最終消散於空中。

And if you're watching this now then I know it sounds reminiscent cause it is all too common today on this planet that we take each other for granted.

如果你現在正在看這支影片，我知道這聽起來有點懷舊，因為對現代人而言，我們太經常把彼此視為理所當然。

We don't know what we have until it's gone.

直到失去我們才會知道當初自己擁有什麼。

We lose touch with those who mean so much by neglecting the things that are so small.

因為忽略那些感覺非常不起眼的小事，我們才會與自己最摯愛的那個人形同陌路。

Now look, if you want a book a limousine with a mariachi band inside to take your sweetheart on a helicopter ride, that's fine.

嘿，如果你想要租一台豪華轎車加上一團墨西哥樂隊好帶你的寶貝前往直升機之旅，這當然沒問題。

But I have to mention, none of that compares to giving your consistent, undivided time and attention.

但我必須說，這些都及不上你給予完整的陪伴和注意力。

Because lasting love, as Gottman said, is all about the small stuff.

因為據 Gottman 所說，要能維持長久的愛，其實就只與小事有關。

It's about looking to your partner and telling them, "I love the way your hair looks in the morning."

重點是看著你的伴侶並告訴他們：「我喜歡你早晨起床時的髮型。」

It's about sending a random "I miss you" text to tell them that they're in your heart and on your mind.

重點是想到時就寄出「我想你」的簡訊告訴他們你的心中一直都有他們的蹤影。

It's about when they call you during the day, does your voice light up like a dream come true?

重點是當他們在平日打給你時，你的音調有因如夢想成真般的快樂而上揚嗎？

Or does your tone sound like you've got better, more important things to do?

還是你的語調聽起來像是你有其他更好、更重要的事情要做？

It's about choosing praise over blame.

重點是選擇以讚美取代責備。

It's about holding the hand when you know they are afraid and you might be too, but you say, "I'm here. It's gonna be okay."

重點是當他覺得害怕時牽握著他的手，即使你可能也害怕，但你仍對他說：「我在這裡，一切都會好的。」。

It's about pressing pause on your favorite show so they can tell you about their day.

重點是當你在看最喜歡的節目時能按下暫停鍵，聽聽他們對你傾訴一天的生活。

It's about making up funny nicknames.

重點是為彼此取一些好笑的暱稱。

It's about complimenting a new hairstyle.

重點是讚美他的新髮型。

It's about notice in the funny way their lips curl up when they smile.

重點是用有趣的方式引起他們的注意，並看著他們的唇角微微地揚起然後微笑。

It's about the simple things like remembering that no matter how hard it gets or how much you argue, you're on the same team.

重點是一些看似微不足道的小事，記住不論狀況有多艱難或你們吵了多少次架，你們始終都在同一條船上。

It's about the simple bliss of watching a movie cuddled up in the bed.

重點是在床上一起相偎看電影那種簡單的幸福。

It's the gentle kiss right on the forehead.

重點是在他額前落下的那個輕吻。

It's about the eye contact at the breakfast table where due to the light hitting them at a certain angle, you notice a different shade or texture of their eyes.

重點是當你們坐在餐桌前吃早餐時眼神的交會，而你注意到當光線從某個角度照進來時，他的眼睛波光流轉。

It's about those tight hugs from behind.

重點是那些從背後的深深擁抱。

It's about choosing to be kind instead of right all the time.

重點是讓自己變得更寬容而非事事求是。

It's the small gestures to show them they are truly treasured.

重點是用小手勢告訴他有多珍貴。

It's not about the fancy dress up dance clubs because slow dancing in the kitchen wearing sweatpants is way better.

重點從來都不在於要去一個需要穿得很時髦的跳舞俱樂部，因為就算穿著運動褲在廚房慢慢共舞就比那好上許多。

It's about being weirdos together.

重點是你們能一起當個怪人。

It ain't always about making the heart melt.

重點並不在於每分每秒都讓他的心融化。

It's about getting them a glass of water when you get one for yourself.

重點是當你幫自己倒水時，也不會忘了幫他們拿一杯。

And yes, I realize that with so many extravagant celebrity weddings for some people this may sound like trash.

當然我也注意到有太多名人的奢華婚宴會讓一些人覺得我講的一切都只是垃圾。

But if your partner doesn't feel seen, appreciated, or listened to without fear of judgement, then what kind of partnership do you have?

但如果妳的伴侶沒有被注意、感謝或傾聽，且帶有可能被批判的恐懼，你們現在這段關係究竟是如何呢？

It is said that three billion people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.

據說今晚會有三十億人飢腸轆轆地睡去。

And there are 4 billion who will go to bed hungry for a single word of love and appreciation.

而有四十億人會因得不到任何愛與感謝的話語而情感上飢餓地睡去。

If you have a malnourished partner, loved one, or friend, then please listen.

如果你有這樣狀況的伴侶、摯愛或朋友，那請你聽我說。

I want you to feed them small acts of love and attention, and now is a good time to start because it truly is the small moments of our lives that take up the biggest part of our hearts.

我希望你以小行動、注意力和愛餵飽他們，而此時此刻就是開始的最佳時機。因為真的、真的就是這些微小的瞬間會填滿我們心中大部分的空缺。