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  • Hi, I'm gonna smile an abnormal amount.

    嗨,我會異常頻繁地微笑。

  • Honestly, I forgot this was happening today.

    老實說,我都忘記今天要面試了。

  • I'm so nervous I might throw up.

    我緊張到快吐了。

  • Well, I've already judged you based on how you look.

    嗯,我已經從你的外表來評斷你這個人了。

  • I tried not to, but I did.

    我盡可能不以貌取人,但我還是這麼做。

  • Should I start lying now, or did you wanna small talk about the weather first?

    我可以開始扯謊了嗎?還是先跟你聊聊天氣、寒暄一下呢?

  • You can just like, go ahead and say everything you wrote on there.

    你可以直接開始把你上面寫的都講出來。

  • Sure, well as you can see here, I made up six years of experience.

    當然,如你所見,我捏造了六年的經驗。

  • Head of marketing for Mr. Jones. Nice.

    「瓊斯先生」公司的行銷主管,不錯喔!

  • Correct. That's my dad.

    那當然,瓊斯先生就是我爸。

  • I told him you might call, and he has talking points already.

    我早就跟他說你可能會打給他,他已經想好要跟你聊些什麼了。

  • So tell me about this management position at this company I've never heard of.

    那麼,告訴我關於這間我從沒聽過的公司裡管理職務的事吧。

  • Technically, I was an assistant but I feel like I could've figured it out.

    嚴格來說,我只是個助理,但我覺得我是能夠搞懂的。

  • Mmhmm, let's see what other interview questions I've Googled here.

    嗯哼,我們來瞧瞧我剛剛 Google 到的其他面試題目。

  • Ah, yes, why did you leave your last job?

    啊,對了,你為什麼離開上一份工作?

  • I just feel like I needed a bigger challenge, you know?

    我只是覺得我需要更大的挑戰,你懂嗎?

  • And also I was fired.

    然後還有我被炒魷魚了。

  • Mmhmm, mmhmm.

    嗯哼,嗯哼。

  • Tell me about one of your many weaknesses, and don't say perfectionist, ok? You liar.

    告訴我,你多項弱點的其中一項,別跟我說你是完美主義者好嗎?少騙人了。

  • Honestly, I don't really work that hard.

    老實說,我其實沒那麼認真工作啦!

  • So why do you want this job?

    那你為什麼想要這份工作?

  • I like money.

    我喜歡錢。

  • Says here you're proficient in Photoshop.

    這邊寫說你很擅長 Photoshop。

  • Oh, yeah, I face tune all the time, it's one and the same.

    哦,對啊,我每次都幫自己修圖,是同一個人啦!

  • Potato, potato, am I right?

    看起來都差不多,是吧?

  • Fluent in French, very nice lie.

    法語流利,天大的謊言。

  • Oui.

    是的 (法語)。

  • I know exactly three words, that was one of them.

    其實我知道三個單字喔,這是其中一個。

  • Mmm, trustworthy, I'm not really sure that's a skill.

    嗯,值得信任,我不確定這算不算一項技能耶。

  • Fair, it also depends how many drinks I've had.

    對啦,要看我喝了多少酒。

  • I know it seems like I'm taking informative notes but really I'm just writing, "Don't hire,"

    我知道我貌似寫了一些滿有內容的筆記,事實上我正在寫的是「不雇用」,

  • literally, look, "Don't hire,"

    不信你自己看,「不雇用」,

  • stupid answer, dumb dumb, you're not getting the job.

    想都不用想,別傻了,你不會得到這份工作的。

  • You know, I'm sensing this isn't going well so I'm gonna say a bunch of buzzwords.

    你知道嗎,我感覺到情況不太妙,所以我要來說一些潮流用語。

  • Go for it.

    來吧!

  • Reliable, a team player, self starter.

    可靠、富有團隊精神、自動自發。

  • Mmm, maybe something about efficiency?

    嗯,要不要說一些關於效率的詞?

  • Time management.

    時間管理。

  • There it is.

    就是這個!

  • Problem solver, eh?

    善於解決問題,是吧?

  • Eh?

    是吧?

  • I'm really enjoying feeling like I'm in power right now.

    我很享受我現在掌控全局的感覺。

  • Oh, fast learner.

    哦,學習能力很強。

  • Listen, shut up.

    聽著,閉嘴。

  • You're talking a little too much so I'm gonna tell you about our company now.

    你有點說得太多了,現在我要來介紹一下我們公司。

  • Oh, I'm squinting my eyes and nodding as if I'm very interested.

    哦,我正瞇著眼、點點頭,裝得我好像很有興趣。

  • Same, yeah, no, I could care less about this god damn company.

    嗯,我也是,我一點也不在乎這該死的公司。

  • Well, I'm going to overthink everything I said as soon as I walk out.

    嗯,等我一走出去後,我就會對剛剛我所說的那些想很多。

  • We might settle for you.

    我們會勉強雇用妳啦!

  • That's what I'm hoping for.

    這正是我所期待的。

  • Absolutely tragic, so sorry.

    太可悲了,我很抱歉。

  • Aye, you alright there, mate?

    欸,還好嗎,朋友?

  • If you like this video make sure you smash your thumbs up.

    如果你喜歡這支影片,務必讚爆它。

  • You can check on my last video right over there,

    你可以到那邊看我的上一支影片,

  • things people say to people that have acne,

    主題是「人們對長痘痘的人所說的話」,

  • you know spots on their face,

    你懂的,臉上的皰疹,

  • my second vlog channels right over there,

    我的 vlog 副頻道在那邊,

  • it's a mother f'ing riot, so make sure you check that out,

    它已經造成騷動了,一定要去看看,

  • and make sure you subscribe because I make new videos

    還有,記得訂閱我,因為我會做新影片,

  • every Monday and Thursday, mate,

    週一和週四會上傳,朋友,

  • you know I want you to be there.

    你知道我想要你出現在那兒。

  • One love superwoman that is a wrap, and zoop!

    愛你們的 Superwoman,影片到此結束,咻!

Hi, I'm gonna smile an abnormal amount.

嗨,我會異常頻繁地微笑。

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