in Australia and I don't--

I just learned about this morning.

Did you see, Drew begs Ellen find me a girlfriend.

Apparently I've given up my men.

I guess you have.

I don't know, I just saw this--

I would go to you if I did want to find a mate.

And I couldn't help you.

As they would say in Australia.

I don't.

I don't.

I'm not.

I'm not like.

I don't have a pack of girls standing by that.

I'm not the leader, I don't really know.

So, come to Ellen for a girl.

I would go to you though, if I did

want to find a boy or a girl.

I would--

Would you?

-- be interested in seeing who you--

Who I think?

Yes 'cause I love you and I love your opinion.

Well, you could try dating apps.

Have you done that?

OK, here's the deal.

So ever since I was like a teenager

and excited about the idea of dating someone.

I always had fantasized about a blind date which

I have never and will never be able to have,

on my side, at least.

'Cause people know you.

Exactly, so when the whole dating app started,

I remember E-harmony.

It was like answer 25 questions and we'll place you.

So I was like, what are the 25 questions

and who wouldn't they place me with.

Then years went by and my dear friend,

we'll call her [INAUDIBLE].

And she was on this dating app called Raya

and then I heard Amy Schumer like saying

she met her boyfriend on there.

And then one night I'm flying home by myself

and I'm like, screw it.

I'm going to fulfill my fantasy and go on a dating app.

Do a blind date, but not really.

So I went on it and no one responded.

And one guy wrote, what is someone like you

doing on an app like this?

And I was like, is that a compliment and an insult

all wrapped ambiguously but super clear in one fell swoop?

OK, there's that.

Then I texted with this one guy and I

said, sure if you feel inclined to go for a drink,

like that would be great, but zero pressure.

Never, never a response.

Then there was a guy who said, I will meet you.

I can meet you from 7:00 to 8:00 p.m.

I have something afterwards.

So that's my limited time window.

And like OK.

I'm in such a Josie Grossie from Never Been Kissed.

It's like OK, I'm available, I can't do it tonight

but I'm available every night this week.

It's like as lame as it gets.

And he writes me back, he goes, I'm gone for the holidays.

And that was it.

Then he was gone.

So I got off, off that site I mean.

Then I'm with my children's father, Wonderful Will,

in the kitchen, and he walks and he goes, Why are you on Raya?

And I was like, how do you know?

I was on it for 4 days, 5 days, how do you know I'm on Raya?

And he goes, because I just saw your profile,

it came up on my phone.

I said, when?

And he goes, like two days ago.

And I was like, mother I'm still on it.

I'm still trying to get off of it.

Off of the site.

We'll help you get off.

I'm going to help you get off of that site.

That's what I meant.

That's what I'm talking about too.

I know.

All right, the second season of Santa Clarita diet

will be available on Netflix this spring.