how about f*%#ing everything.

drinking a glass of whiskey a day helps prevent cancer.

you know what it also prevents? you looking like a total piece of S#*%.

Whiskey's the only drink that blind you and cure that blindness at the same time.

people who drink whiskey are less likely to get alzheimers and more likely to get laid. Statistically.

so you want to keep that sexy body?

Drink whiskey. Low carb and fat free.

0 your a gluten-free vegan well I've got this great new diet plan.

it's called shut up and drink your whisky

Yes whiskey has gluten in it. Just like your vagina sand.

Whiskey is the most important meal of the day.

That's what my kids taught me.

whiskey's the only drink that when you drink it and wince you actually look cool.

See.

Whiskey's aged in oak casks

what's gin aged in? Grandma's perfume bottles?

knowing a lot about wine means you're a sissy

knowing a lot about vodka means you're a club douche.

knowing a lot about whiskey, means your a true American hero.

God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world.

That's a fact

Did you know that george washington had a whiskey distillery?

yeah, it's as American as apple pie.

Whiskey owns you. Not the other way around. That's because whiskey is nobody's b@*$#.

Whiskey puts hair on your chest, even if you don't want it.

the best cure for whiskey hangover more whiskey.

You know who'd be impressed you drink whiskey? Ric Flair.

Tom Selleck, John Wayne, president eisenhower

Rachel Maddow, Rowdy Roddy Piper, eddie Van Halen

my boyfriend's motorcycle mechanic, SEAL team 6.

bukowski. Oh yeah and me.

Listen, the truth is that the only thing you really need to know about whiskey

is that you should be drinking and right now. Cheers.

The only thing hotter than a hot girl drinking whiskey

is a hot guy drinking whiskey.

I tried to wink and it looked bad.