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  • So, boy, the NFL season is kicking off this weekend.

  • >> [APPLAUSE] >> [APPLAUSE] I know.

  • >> [APPLAUSE] >> I'm excited.

  • >> [APPLAUSE] >> So

  • I should tell you what team I'm supporting.

  • I'm Team Taylor.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> Elizabeth Taylor, that's what I mean.

  • What a legend she was.

  • I don't like choosing sides.

  • I'm Team Everybody.

  • That's who I am.

  • I'm Team Everybody.

  • I do want to talk about Taylor Swift because she's amazing.

  • And she's got the number one song right now.

  • She's one of the best selling artists of the last decade and

  • it's really fun to scare her.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> Aah.

  • >> Aah.

  • >> [LAUGH] [APPLAUSE] >> Yeah.

  • I must have scared some sense into her, because listen to what she's doing.

  • Taylor filed trademarks on a bunch of titles and

  • catchphrases from her new album.

  • One of the lines she's trademarking is "The old Taylor can't come to the phone

  • right now.", she's trademarking that.

  • So she can use it on all merchandise, but until she trademarks it and

  • until it goes through, she can't stop me from selling these.

  • So now, I'm selling the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now sweatshirts.

  • >> [LAUGH]

  • >> [APPLAUSE] >> Right.

  • They're available at my The Old Taylor Can't Come to the Phone Right Now Shop.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> So it got me thinking,

  • I should trademark my own catchy phrases.

  • And I should start with catchy phrases right there.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> Cuz that's not trademarked yet.

  • And there's bunch of other phrases too.

  • Like I say, be kind to one another at the end of every show.

  • I should trademark that because it really sums up who I am and what I stand for.

  • I believe in kindness.

  • I also feel if someone uses that phrase without paying me,

  • I should be able to sue them for every penny that they've got.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> Also when I come out here sometimes,

  • I throw a mint in the air and I catch it in my mouth, I should trademark that too.

  • I don´t wanna stop people from having mints, if anything, I´m encouraging that.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> More, and more mints.

  • I´m just saying, if you toss one in the air and you catch it, send me a dollar.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> I don´t care if you toss popcorn or

  • grapes, you can do that, but if I hear you´re tossing mints,

  • you'll hear from my lawyer.

  • >> [LAUGH] >> Actually, you know what,

  • I'm gonna trademark that, too.

  • I'm gonna trademark that phrase, you'll hear from my lawyer.

  • That way, if someone tries to sue me, >> [LAUGH]

  • >> And says you'll hear from my lawyer,

  • I can sue them first.

  • >> [LAUGH] [APPLAUSE] >> See?

  • >> [NOISE] [APPLAUSE] >> That's a good idea.

  • [APPLAUSE] >> What I'm really known for

  • is what I do with the end of my monologue.

  • I mean nobody does that because honestly it makes no sense.

  • But you owe me a check if you try to use an awkward transition to get into a dance.

So, boy, the NFL season is kicking off this weekend.

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看看泰勒-斯威夫特讓艾倫做了什麼 (Look What Taylor Swift Made Ellen Do)

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    marco020304 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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