There is no longer any place for me to sleep.

這裡已經沒有我能睡覺的地方了

I have vomited three times in protest but there is no sign that anything will change.

我已經吐了三次以表示反抗，但看來似乎沒有任何會改變的跡象

My only other hope for rest is on the computer keyboard which is near by.

我僅剩唯一的希望是附近的電腦鍵盤

But sadly no one is currently using it. I will wait.

但可悲地是目前沒有人在使用它，我等

Dear diary, my food dish is now only half full.

親愛的日記，我餐盤的食物現在只剩下一半了

It is obvious that I will soon starve to death.

很明顯的，我很快就要饑餓至死

I have repeatedly tried to draw attention to my predicament with the authorities

我反覆地試圖引起鏟屎官關注我目前的慘況

but they are clearly either stupid, deaf, or just cruel.

但顯然他們不是蠢蛋、聾子就是根本很殘忍

This may be my last entry.

這可能是我的最後一篇日記了

Dear diary,

親愛的日記

It has come to my attention that the authorities have two hands

我發現鏟屎官有兩隻手

but seem to have made it the sadistic policy only to pet me with one of them at that time

但他似乎訂定了虐待狂般的策略，每次只願意用一隻手摸我

Half of love is just, lo-

一半的「愛」，就只是 ㄞ...

which is how I feel.

這就是我的感受

My spirit is breaking.

我的靈魂都碎了

Dear diary, I have decided to plead with the authorities to rub my belly.

親愛的日記，我決定懇求鏟屎官替我揉肚肚

I think it will do me good in my current condition

我想這對我的現況會是好的

I would like to receive two rubs exactly.

我就是想被揉兩下肚肚

A third one, and I will bite the shit out of them as per protocol.

第三下，作為回禮我就會狠狠朝他們咬下去

Wish me luck.

祝我好運

Dear diary, the water dish continues to vex me.

親愛的日記，這盤水不斷地挑釁我

the authorities seem to taunt me with this cruel liquid

鏟屎官似乎打算用這慘忍的、

that has neither smell nor distinguishing visual markings.

沒有味道也沒有視覺性區別記號的液體嘲弄我

A sad anniversary, this is the 900th day that my nose has been unintentionally wetted.

一個可悲的紀念日，這是我第 900 次被無意間弄濕鼻子的日子

Dear diary, yesterday I put in a simple request regarding the door to the garden

親愛的日記，昨天我提出了一個簡單的請求，關於前往花園的門

but seemingly out of sheer spite the authorities refused to hold the door open long enough

但鏟屎官看來根本就是在刁難，拒絕將門開久一些

for me to decide whether to go outside

好讓我決定是否要走出去

or inside.

或走進來

or outside, or inside.

或走出去，或走進來

Dear diary, the authorities have punished me for taking a crap on the living room floor.

親愛的日記，鏟屎官因為我在客廳大便處罰我

This despite my efforts to distribute the litter evenly throughout the house.

這讓我放棄了盤算好要平均地將垃圾遍布於家中的計畫

I am convinced that they are mad men, devoid of reason.

我深信他們，沒有理由地，是瘋子

Dear diary, the squirrel was back again today.

親愛的日記，那隻松鼠今天又回來了

It mocks me.

它挑釁我

I will try and release my mind from this torment and groom myself.

我會試著從這苦煉中釋放自己、整理情緒

for four hours.

在這四小時中

Dear diary, I have been stalking an insect on the wall for the past three days now.

親愛的日記，過去三天我嘗試躡手躡腳地跟著牆上的一隻昆蟲

All of my attempts to capture it have been thwarted.

我希望捉到它，但一直受到阻撓

However today, on further inspection

然而今天，在更進一步的檢視之後

I found out that the insect was in fact a thumbtack.

我發現那隻昆蟲其實是個大頭針

There is no logic in this place.

這個地方是沒有邏輯的

Dear diary, it is three in the morning.

親愛的日記，現在是凌晨三點鐘

The authorities have closed the door to the bedroom.

鏟屎官把臥室的房門關上了

I can only assume that they have forgotten about me

我只能推測他們已經忘記我了

and have left me here to die.

把我留在這等死

as a last resort I will stand post for the rest of the night and

作為最後手段，我將徹夜站崗

sing the song of my people in hopes that they rescue me.

哼唱子民的歌曲期待他們來拯救我

Dear diary, when the authorities poop, I have tried to poop in the bathtub litter box with them

親愛的日記，鏟屎官便便時，我試圖一起在浴缸裡的垃圾桶便便

in a show of solidarity.

以表示我的團結一致

I have yet to experience any gratitude.

但我仍未接收到任何的感激之情

Dear diary, my attempts to destroy the terrible plant have

親愛的日記，我試圖摧毀那糟糕的盆栽

all been for naught.

但努力都付之一炬了

Somehow, almost as if by some evil magic, a new one has appeared in its place.

不知怎麼地，幾乎像是透過某種邪惡魔法，一個新盆栽又出現在那個位置

I will have to start over now.

我現在必須重頭來過了

Like Sisyphus, I am bound to hell.

如同西西佛斯 (註：希臘神話中不斷受罰的人物)，我註定在地獄輪迴