Name: 為什麼有些夫妻感情更好，卻選擇分居呢？ (Why some couples are happier living apart)
Uploaded: 2026-03-28T16:43:05.000Z
Duration: 7 min 51 s

未來簡單式

這個夢想中的家，我們會一起擁有。

to 不定詞

For generations, we've been taught that if you want to move a relationship forward, you have to follow a specific set of steps: meet someone, fall in love, and

幾十年來，我們都被教導說，如果想讓一段關係更進一步，就必須照著一套特定的步驟走：認識一個人、墜入愛河，

Because moving in is a signal that the relationship is serious, but

a growing number of couples are opting out of that last step.

但越來越多情侶選擇跳過最後這一步。

They've been together for 23 years, but they've never lived together, and they don't plan to.

他們在一起23年了，但從來沒有住在一起過，而且也沒打算這麼做。

The arrangement has a name: Living Apart Together, or LAT.

這個安排有個名稱：Living Apart Together，或稱LAT。

And it's more common than you might think: between 2000 and 2019, the number of married couples living separately rose by more than 25%.

這比你想像的還要常見：在2000到2019年間，選擇分開居住的已婚夫妻人數增加了超過25%。

It is an increasingly popular lifestyle choice for people past a certain age, generally in their 60s, who are retired.

這是一種越來越受歡迎的生活方式選擇，特別是對於過了特定年齡、通常是60幾歲、已經退休的人來說。

So if sharing a home is the ultimate sign of love and commitment, why are some couples deciding not to do it at all?

所以，如果同住是愛與承諾的終極象徵，為什麼有些伴侶會決定完全不這麼做呢？

And does living together actually improve relationships, or does it turn lovers into roommates?

而且，同住真的能改善關係，還是會讓戀人變成室友？

This is probably when we I was I know I wore this dress when we were first dating, right?

這大概是我… 我知道我們剛開始約會的時候，我穿了這件洋裝，對吧？

Susan and I met because we worked at the same school.

是。Susan和我因為在同一間學校工作而認識。

And he was the school psychologist there.

We were pretty good friends for a long time, and

我們當了很長一段時間的好朋友，

then found out we got divorced at the same time, so we were like, "Hey, maybe we should hang out together." He asked me out to a street festival.

然後發現我們差不多時間離婚，所以我們就想：「嘿，也許我們可以約會看看。」他約我去逛街。

I said, "I have always thought you were handsome." It just seemed right, right from the start.

我說：「我一直覺得你很帥。」從一開始就覺得很對。

In those early days, Mike and Susan decided not to move in together for one main reason: Mike had two teenagers at home.

在剛開始的這段時間，Mike 和 Susan 因為一個主要原因決定不住在一起：Mike 家裡有兩個青少年。

She loves my kids and always has always been wonderful with them, but

她愛我的孩子們，而且一直以來對他們都很好，

I just wanted them to not feel pressured.

我只是希望他們不要覺得有壓力。

Right from the start, it worked out for us to not live together.

從一開始，我們就決定不住在一起，這樣對我們來說是最好的。

And by the time the kids were getting ready to move out for college— We had been together for five or six years already.

等到孩子們準備好要搬出去讀大學的時候——那時候我們已經在一起五年、六年了。

—they realized they didn't need to change anything.

——他們就發現自己什麼都不需要改變。

And over time, the arrangement just worked.

然後隨著時間過去，這個安排就這樣順利進行了。

Well, you know, if it's not broken, why fix it?

嗯，你知道的，如果沒有壞掉，為什麼要修理它呢？

Mike and Susan's arrangement isn't that unusual anymore, especially later in life.

但 Mike 和 Susan 的這種安排，尤其是在晚年，已經不是那麼少見了。

Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor are doing it, so are Cheryl Lee Ralph and her husband, Pennsylvania State Senator Vincent Hughes.

Sarah Paulson 和 Holland Taylor 也是這樣，Cheryl Lee Ralph 和她的丈夫、賓州州參議員 Vincent Hughes 也是。

When it's time to leave, bye-bye, see you soon.

該走的時候就說掰掰，下次見囉。

But that doesn't mean everyone accepts it.

We got a lot of resistance and questions from people we knew, especially in Texas.

我們認識的人，尤其是在德州，給了很多阻力跟疑問。

For years, Mike and Susan didn't have a name for what they were doing, until Mike found something surprising: a Facebook group with thousands of couples just like them.

很多年來，Mike 和 Susan 對他們這樣的生活沒有名字，直到 Mike 發現了一個驚喜：一個有成千上萬和他們一樣的伴侶的 Facebook 社團。

So I sent out right away to Susan and said, "Hey, look at this.

所以我馬上傳訊息給 Susan 說：「嘿，你看這個。

There's an actual name for what we're doing, and

it's called A-Partnering." Modern love has changed dramatically over the last century.

叫做 A-Partnering。」現代愛情在過去一個世紀裡發生了巨大的變化。

In the 1960s, the average American got married in their early 20s.

在 1960 年代，一般的美國人二十出頭就結婚了。

And people are getting divorced later too.

而且大家離婚的年齡也變晚了。

The divorce rate for adults over 50 has doubled since the 1990s, a trend known as grey divorce.

50 歲以上成人的離婚率自 1990 年代以來翻了一倍，這種趨勢稱為「灰髮離婚」。

And so you have a lot more older single people, but

they might not want to live with a romantic partner because a lot of them feel like, "We'll been there, done that." And by the time they're in their 50s and 60s, most people have built lives that already work for them.

但他們可能不想和伴侶同住，因為很多人會覺得：「我們都經歷過了。」到了 50、60 歲，大多數人已經建立好自己習慣的生活模式。

Particularly if you're older and you're kind of set in your ways.

特別是如果你年紀大了，而且有點固執己見。

They have their healthcare providers close by, maybe their children, their grandchildren.

他們有就近的醫療服務，可能有孩子、孫子孫女。

But there's another reason this trend is growing.

但這個趨勢成長還有另一個原因。

For most of modern history, marriage wasn't about love.

在現代歷史的大部分時間裡，婚姻並不是關於愛。

couldn't even open a bank account or get credit without a husband until the 1970s.

在 1970 年代之前，沒有先生就沒辦法開銀行帳戶或申請信用卡。

Today, women don't need to depend on a partner for financial reasons, and

現在，女性不需要在經濟上依賴伴侶，

many don't want to take on the role that used to come with that either.

而且很多人也不想承擔過去婚姻帶來的角色。

I don't have to take on all the domestic chores.

If I don't feel like cooking, you know, I don't.

如果我不想煮飯，你知道的，我就不煮。

I'm probably not quite as clean as Susan would prefer.

我可能沒有 Susan 期望的那麼愛乾淨。

I'll tend to put stuff off and I'm like, "Eh, I'll get around to it sooner or later." That kind of thing would drive her nuts.

我會拖延，心想「嗯，遲早會做的啦。」這種事會讓她抓狂。

And with fewer shared chores and more personal space, each person gets to keep something that a lot of relationships chip away at: their independence.

隨著家務分擔減少，個人空間變多，每個人都能保有許多關係中會磨損的東西：他們的獨立性。

We had a bunch of questions that we asked people, like, "If you could bring the best of being single into the best of being romantically partnered, what would it be?" And it was freedom.

我們問了大家很多問題，像是「如果你能把單身的優點和伴侶關係的優點結合起來，那會是什麼？」答案是自由。

This is my living room, my main living space, and

這是我客廳，我主要的起居空間，而且

then my record collection, which I've got all over the house.

那我的唱片收藏，我把唱片擺得到處都是。

I listen to music pretty much almost nonstop all day.

我幾乎整天都在聽音樂，幾乎不間斷。

I've got seven different turntables, I think.

You know, after working so many years, being able to just sit on the couch, put on a record I like to put on, like, YouTube travel videos, spin record after record.

你知道，工作這麼多年後，能夠坐在沙發上，放一張我喜歡的唱片，像是 YouTube 旅遊影片，一張接著一張放。

And that, to me, is just that's pure pleasure for me.

對我來說，這就是純粹的快樂。

他喜歡把他的爵士樂放很大聲。

I would want to be watching documentaries and have it a little bit more quiet and subdued.

我會想看紀錄片，然後氣氛可以稍微安靜一點、沉穩一點。

Got my this is my sketchbook where I just try a lot of different things.

這是我的速寫本，我會在裡面嘗試很多不同的東西。

I've found out that I can do some art, so I've really gotten interested in that, and

我發現我其實可以畫畫，所以真的對這方面很有興趣，

I'm always doing that several days a week.

After a long day of classes, you know, it's just easier to come home and decompress, do your art by yourself, listening to the music, you know, that I'm going to listen to.

上完一整天課後，你知道的，回家放鬆、自己畫畫，聽著我想聽的音樂，會比較輕鬆。

Living together means shared space, shared routines, constant access.

同居意味著共享空間、共享習慣、隨時都能見到對方。

But desire requires the opposite: separateness, longing, mystery.

但渴望卻需要相反的：距離、思念、神祕感。

I do think that living apart makes things more exciting when we meet up.

我覺得 Living Apart Together 讓見面時的感覺更令人興奮。

You know, still, after 23 years, when I haven't seen Susan and we're going to get together for a date, just the anticipation of her driving up my street and up my driveway, just I can feel little butterflies in my stomach.

你知道嗎，即使過了23年，當我還沒見到Susan，我們要約會時，光是想到她開車經過我的街道、開進我的車道，我就覺得肚子裡有小蝴蝶在飛舞。

Living apart together isn't for everyone.

Living Apart Together 不是適合每個人。

It can be harder financially, and as people age, health and caretaking situations change.

財務上可能會比較辛苦，而且隨著年紀增長，健康和照護的情況也會改變。

But what matters is knowing that it's an option because we're living in an age when we no longer have to follow a script for what love and partnership should look like.

但重要的是，我們知道這是一個選擇，因為我們活在一個不再需要遵循愛情和伴侶關係劇本的時代。

We are lucky that we are in the position that we are in that we can pull this off.

我們很幸運能有這樣的條件來實現這一切。

I just think it's the best of both worlds.

We have our togetherness, and we really appreciate that, but we also have our separate lives.

我們擁有彼此的陪伴，我們真的很珍惜，但我們也有各自的生活。

And to be able to have both of those and to fit it together is just I couldn't be happier with the way it's worked out.

能夠同時擁有這兩者並將它們融合在一起，我對目前的結果感到非常開心。