Name: 奧斯卡2026：柯南·歐布萊恩的開場獨白！ (Oscars 2026: Conan O'Brien's opening monologue)
Uploaded: 2026-03-16T21:36:18.000Z
Duration: 10 min 42 s

轉承詞

非常感謝 Amy Madigan 提供的假髮。

Hey, I am Conan o' Brien and I am honored to be the last human host of the Academy Award.

嘿，我是 Conan O'Brien，很榮幸能成為奧斯卡獎最後一位人類主持人。

Next year it's going to be a waymo in a tux.

明年就會是 Waymo 穿著燕尾服了。

It's great to be back hosting the Oscars.

Last year when I hosted Los Angeles was on fire, but this year, everything's going great.

去年我主持洛杉磯的時候，整個城市都像著火一樣，但今年一切都順利多了。

I'm told there's concerns about attacks from both the opera and ballet communities.

聽說有人擔心會遭到歌劇和芭蕾舞界的攻擊。

他們只是不爽你把爵士樂排除在外。

I should warn you, tonight could get political.

我得警告你，今晚可能會有點政治味。

And if that makes you uncomfortable, there's an alternate Oscars being hosted by Kid Rock.

如果這讓你感到不舒服，Kid Rock 那邊還有另一個奧斯卡頒獎典禮。

Yeah, it's at the Dave and Buster's down the street.

對啊，就在街口的 Dave and Buster's。

A lot of cool people are here and some of them behind the scenes.

這裡有很多很棒的人，有些是幕後工作人員。

Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos is here, and this is exciting.

Netflix 的 CEO Ted Sarandos 也來了，這真是太令人興奮了。

Why are they all together enjoying themselves?

他們為什麼都聚在這裡，玩得這麼開心？

They should be home alone where I can monetize it.

他們應該在家裡，這樣我才能從中獲利。

Yeah, I said that last year, but I was lying.

對，我去年也這麼說，但我當時在騙人。

不，今年才是真的美得令人屏息。

Between Hamnet and Begonia, it's been a big year for movies that sound like off brand lunch meat.

說真的，《Hamnet》跟《Begonia》聽起來都像那種山寨的午餐肉罐頭，今年電影界真是臥虎藏龍。

So that's had a little begonia around 10.

所以大概有十顆左右的秋海棠。

At the beginning of Hamnet, a message comes on the screen explaining that the names Hamnet and Hamlet were used interchangeably.

在《Hamnet》的開頭，螢幕上出現一段訊息，解釋說 Hamnet 和 Hamlet 這兩個名字以前是通用的。

In Hamnet, William Shakespeare's wife Agnes gives birth by herself in the woods.

在《Hamnet》裡，威廉·莎士比亞的妻子艾格妮絲獨自在樹林裡生產。

Or as we call that here in America, affordable health care now.

或者就像我們在美國這裡說的，現在就提供平價醫療。

It's the story of a race car driver who finally wins after deciding to go faster.

這是個賽車手決定開更快後終於 贏得比賽的故事。

F1 表現這麼好，他們還打算拍續集。

And ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for sinners.

各位女士先生，讓我們為這些罪人鼓掌。

Sinner's director Ryan Coogler said he declined to become a voting member of the Academy because he doesn't like judging his fellow artists work.

《罪人》的導演 Ryan Coogler 表示，他之所以拒絕成為學院的投票會員，是因為他不喜歡評判其他藝術家的作品。

But the rest of you pricks seem to love it.

不過你們這些混蛋好像都很愛。

Lots of memorable scenes from one battle after another.

從一場場戰鬥中，好多令人難忘的場景。

Best supporting actor nominee Sean Penn, of course, got an erection at gunpoint.

最佳男配角提名人 Sean Penn，當然是在槍口下勃起了。

And then Paul Thomas Anderson said, hey, let's put that in the film, huh?

然後 Paul Thomas Anderson 說，嘿，我們把這個放進電影裡吧，好不好？

I was in a movie with the lovely Rose Byrne.

我今年有跟超讚的 Rose Byrne 一起演電影。

My co star Rose Byrne is nominated for best actress in if I had legs, I'd kick.

我的搭檔 Rose Byrne，以「如果我會踢腿」入圍了最佳女主角。

It's hard to act in a scene with someone you've always had a massive crush on.

跟一個你一直以來都超迷戀的人對戲，真的好難喔。

This year we've added a new category to the Oscars.

今年我們在奧斯卡新增了一個獎項。