Name: 川普簡直是災難！伊朗覬覦加州，MAGA聯盟出現裂痕？ (Trump’s an Absolute Disaster, Iran Aspires to Attack California & MAGA Coalition is Cracking)
Uploaded: 2026-03-12T21:37:26.000Z
Duration: 13 min 53 s

I am the host of the show, and I thank you for watching.

我是節目主持人，感謝您的收看。

Thank you for coming and joining us here in Hollywood.

謝謝你們的到來，一起加入我們在好萊塢的盛會。

程度副詞

I don't know if you saw it, but it's very exciting.

不知道你們有沒有看到，真的非常精彩。

Just we're directly across the street from the Dolby Theater where they've already rolled out the red carpet for the Oscars on Sunday.

我們就在 Dolby Theater 正對面，奧斯卡頒獎典禮的紅毯已經鋪好了，就在週日。

They made Conan do the carpet, rolling out himself.

You know, there's a lot more to hosting than just doing the show.

你知道的，當主持人可不只是做節目這麼簡單。

There's a good deal of manual labor involved.

裡面還有很多手動的工作要做。

And tonight we have the host of the Oscars.

而今晚，我們請到了奧斯卡的主持人。

Not only is Conan hosting the show, he is in a nominated movie.

Conan 不只主持節目，他還演了一部被提名的電影。

他在電影裡佔了很重要的角色。

If I had legs, I'd kick you, starring Rose Byrne, who was nominated for best actress.

如果我有腿，我就會踢你，由被提名最佳女主角的 Rose Byrne 主演。

Conan 和她在電影裡有很多對手戲。

This is going to be like if you had been nominated for best Actress the year I hosted the show.

這就像是你主持節目的那一年，你被提名最佳女主角一樣。

You'll be on the red carpet this year, right?

Oh, you know, I'm glad you brought that up.

喔，你知道的，很高興你提起這件事。

Because last year we had a real controversy, and I was very upset about it.

因為去年我們有個很大的爭議，我對那件事很不高興。

One of the other red carpet guys tried to steal, and

其中一個紅毯記者試圖偷，而且

in fact did steal Guillermo's signature move of giving tequila to the stars.

實際上偷走了 Guillermo 招待明星喝龍舌蘭的招牌動作。

And the name of that thief is Mario Lopez.

And I just want to say, for his sake, I hope it doesn't happen again, because you don't mess with Guillermo twice.

我只想說，為了他好，我希望這種事不要再發生了，因為你不能惹 Guillermo 兩次。

This little mogwai will turn into a gremlin like that.

這隻小小的摩怪會變成那樣的格林。

Mario, I would hate to see anything happen to that beautiful face of yours.

Mario，我真不想看到你那張帥臉發生什麼事。

The mood around the Oscars is a little bit tense this year.

今年奧斯卡頒獎典禮的氣氛有點緊張。

You know, they beefed up security after the FBI warned law enforcement here in California that Iran is aspiring to launch a drone strike on the west coast, which is where we all are right now.

FBI 警告加州執法單位，說伊朗正打算在西岸發動無人機攻擊，而我們現在都在西岸，所以他們加強了維安。

Isn't this how Iron Man 3 started the movie?

這不是《鋼鐵人 3》開場的方式嗎？

We barely survived the writers strike here.

我們在這裡好不容易才撐過編劇罷工。

And I hope these Iranians realize Donald Trump wants you to bomb us for him.

所以，我希望這些伊朗人知道，川普希望你們為他炸掉我們。

He might even bomb us himself and blame it on you.

他甚至可能會親自炸掉我們，然後怪罪你們。

I wonder how we're gonna look back at that.

我很好奇我們回顧這一切時會是什麼樣。

You know, I mentioned last night many of Trump's advisers are urging him to just declare victory in Iran and get out and with the midterms coming up, some members of the House and Senate would like to him to consider that advice, too.

你知道，我昨晚提到川普的許多顧問都在敦促他直接宣佈在伊朗獲勝然後撤離，而且隨著期中選舉即將到來，一些參眾議員也希望他考慮這個建議。

I think we ought to say to our heroes, thank you for a job well done.

我認為我們應該對我們的英雄說，謝謝你們圓滿完成任務。

Sounds like a man with a lot of confidence in his Commander in Chief.

聽起來像是一位對他的三軍統帥非常有信心的男人。

Somehow we are in an even bigger mess than we were last month and the month before that.

不知為何，我們陷入的困境比上個月和前幾個月還要糟。

我們的總統真是個災難，而且。

And everyone around him is too scared to bring that up.

而且他身邊的人都太害怕不敢提這件事。

I mean, we have credible threats of retaliatory drone attacks on California.

我是說，我們有可信的威脅，說會有無人機攻擊加州進行報復。

And this guy today is in Kentucky reminiscing about the way Obama went down the stairs.

而今天這個人卻在肯塔基州，回憶歐巴馬下樓梯的方式。

The only thing I admired about Barack Hussein Obama, which was nothing, actually

我唯一欣賞貝拉克·胡笙·歐巴馬的地方，其實什麼都沒有

the only thing is the way he bobbed down.

唯一欣賞的就是他下樓的方式。

And I couldn't believe that he made it without at least a noticeable major fall.

我真不敢相信他能安全下來，沒有至少一次明顯的大摔倒。

真正的總統不會搖擺，他們會搖搖擺擺。

And then Trump got a visit from a celebrity who could be our next president of the United States.

然後川普來了一位名人拜訪，他可能是我們下一任美國總統。

You know, we never back down from a fight, even if they're much bigger than you.

你知道，我們從不退縮，即使對方比你大很多。

I wonder if knows Trump got a note from his podiatrist who dodged the draft.

我想知道他知不知道川普收到了他那位躲避徵兵的足科醫生的紙條。

Do you think maybe he kept that a wonderful secret from Jake?

你覺得他是不是把這件事當成一個很棒的祕密藏起來沒告訴 Jake？

If there's one American who even has a chance to bring the world together, it definitely isn't Jake Paul.

如果說有哪個美國人有機會團結世界，那絕對不是 Jake Paul。

Pope Leo, who's from Chicago, urged both the United States and Iran.

來自芝加哥的教宗 Leo，他曾敦促美國和伊朗。

He said, stop the spiral of violence before it becomes an irreparable abyss.

他說，在暴力螺旋變成無法挽回的深淵之前，請停止它。

這句話真的很有芝加哥的風格。

今天在聖彼得大教堂，教宗 Leo 接見了一位。

You have to eat that baby Yoda, you know.

你知道，你一定要吃掉那個嬰兒尤達。

In New Mexico this week, state investigators in Santa Fe are searching Jeffrey Epstein's former property, which is known as Zorro Ranch.

這週在新墨西哥州，聖塔菲的州調查員正在搜查 Jeffrey Epstein 位於 Zorro Ranch 的舊房產。

They named it after Zorro because it looks like they redacted his face.

他們之所以取名 Zorro Ranch，是因為看起來他們塗掉了他的臉。

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川普簡直是災難！伊朗覬覦加州，MAGA聯盟出現裂痕？ (Trump’s an Absolute Disaster, Iran Aspires to Attack California & MAGA Coalition is Cracking)

absolutely

positive

mess

strike