Name: 吉米 Kimmel 嘲諷川普 2026 國情諮文演說！ (Jimmy Kimmel Reacts to Donald Trump’s State of the Union Address 2026)
Uploaded: 2026-02-26T21:37:10.000Z
Duration: 15 min 24 s

Thanks for watching and thank you for joining us for this special show following the State of the Union address.

感謝收看，也謝謝大家跟我們一起收看國情諮文後的特別節目。

We are 2,600 miles away from Washington D.C.

我們離華盛頓特區有 2,600 英里。

where we are still all digesting the Burger King speech tonight.

在那裡，我們還在消化今晚的 Burger King 演講。

I can't believe America missed an all new Will Trent for this one.

我真不敢相信美國竟然為了這個錯過了全新的 Will Trent。

The theme of tonight's speech was all foreigners are murderers.

今晚演講的主題是所有外國人都是殺人犯。

And Trump just, he said zero illegal aliens have been allowed to the United States on his watch, but

川普說，在他任內沒有一個非法外國人被允許進入美國，但是

the door is always open to those who come in legally to be his next wife.

對於那些合法入境的人，大門永遠敞開，可以成為他的下一任妻子。

He bragged about kicking 2 million people off food stamps.

他吹噓自己讓兩百萬人失去了食物救濟。

It was like a Christmas message from the Grinch.

這就像是聖誕節時，從壞蛋葛林奇那裡收到的禮物。

Trump applauded the efforts of a World War II vet who, who liberated an internment camp at the same time he is building new ones here in the United States.

川普讚揚了一位二戰老兵的努力，這位老兵在解放集中營的同時，自己卻在美國蓋新的集中營。

He claimed gas is down to $1.85 a gallon.

他聲稱汽油降到了每加侖1.85美元。

When you ramble mostly incoherently for two hours, is that technically still a speech or does it at some point become a conniption?

當你語無倫次地講了兩個小時，這還算是演講嗎？還是說它在某個時刻就變成了勃然大怒？

We put him on all the channels to say this stuff.

我們把所有頻道都放上他去說這些話。

Trump told us in advance that the speech was going to be long, and

川普事先告訴我們演講會很長，

We were waiting for the speech to finish before we started shooting the show.

我們等演講結束後才開始拍攝節目。

He went on so long, we had to start before he said he's probably still going.

他講了太久，我們得在他說他可能還會繼續講之前就開始了。

Which is a problem because Mike Johnson's bedtime is nine o' clock sharp.

這有個問題，因為麥克·強森九點整就要上床睡覺了。

The speech went on so long, Kristi Noem's dog shot itself.

演講太冗長了，克莉絲蒂·諾姆的狗都自殺了。

Okay, they really, they do need to hire an orchestra to play him off like the Oscars.

好吧，他們真的需要請個樂團，像奧斯卡獎那樣把他請下臺。

At the stroke of 90 minutes, go straight into YMCA and end it.

九十分鐘一到，直接奏響 YMCA 結束。

Something was off with his hair tonight, too.

It looked like a cloud on top of a sweet potato or something.

感覺就像地瓜頂著一朵雲之類的。

His flop sweat and his makeup combined to form frothy homemade Orange Julius on his face.

他流的汗和化妝結合在一起，在他臉上形成了一層像自製橘子汁一樣的保麗龍。

You know, this event, it's supposed to be a joint session of Congress, but

說到這個活動，它本來應該是國會聯席會議，但

a bunch of Democrats decided to sit it out in protest.

That had little impact on the pageantry for a speech that has been an annual tradition since George Washington delivered the first one back in 1790.

這對自喬治·華盛頓於 1790 年發表首次演講以來就一直是年度傳統的國情諮文，影響不大。

Speaker, I present the inaugural recipient of the 2026 FIFA Peace Prize, the rightful winner of the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize, the undisputed champion of beautiful clean coal, the chairman of the Trump Kennedy center, chairman of the Trump Board of Peace semifinalist for the Carl's Jr.

我要介紹 2026 年 FIFA 和平獎的首位得主、2025 年諾貝爾和平獎的實至名歸得主、美麗乾淨煤炭的無可爭議冠軍、Trump Kennedy center 主席、Trump Board of Peace 主席、Carl's Jr.

He doesn't wear diapers and he had no idea his best friend was a pedophile.

他沒有穿尿布，而且他完全不知道他最好的朋友是個戀童癖。

All the Trump cult members were there, including Congressman Troy Nels, who showed up wearing a some very festive netwear.

所有川普的狂熱追隨者都在那裡，包括議員 Troy Nels，他穿著非常節慶的網狀服裝出現。

You can see the very warm welcome that he's getting from his Republican colleagues there in the chamber.

你可以看到他在議場裡受到共和黨同事們非常熱烈的歡迎。

Yeah, he's wearing a special thanks to the serial killer on Etsy who made that for him.

是的，他穿著這個，特別感謝 Etsy 上那個殺手為他做的。

In a break from tradition, the President and First lady invited separate guests.

總統和第一夫人打破傳統，邀請了不同的嘉賓。

Usually the first lady invites guests to support the President's agenda.

通常第一夫人會邀請嘉賓來支持總統的政策。

So the state of their union is twin beds tonight.

所以今晚他們的國情諮文是雙人床。

But you know, this was a big deal cuz all the President's children were there.

但你知道，這很重要，因為總統的所有孩子們都在那裡。

Don Jr. Eric, Ivanka Barron, even Tiffany showed up.

小唐納、艾瑞克、伊凡卡、巴倫，甚至蒂芬妮都出現了。

Usually they only get together like this for his depositions, but he needed the support.

通常他們只有在他被訊問時才會這樣聚在一起，但他需要支持。

Trump's popularity is at its lowest point of his second term.

川普的聲勢是他第二任期的最低點。

Chlamydia is now more popular than Donald Trump, so he needed them.

現在披衣菌比唐納·川普更受歡迎，所以他需要他們。

Seated behind the President were the Vice President and the speaker of the House.

坐在總統身後的是副總統和眾議院議長。

The President's not a fun spot to be in because everyone's watching you the whole time.

總統的位置不好坐，因為大家時時刻刻都在看著你。

So every little move you make gets scrutinized.

所以你的一舉一動都會被仔細審視。

I guess all that standing and sitting on the chair got him kind of worked up.

我猜所有站著和坐在椅子上的動作，讓他有點激動。

Now we are the hottest country anywhere in the world.

現在我們是全世界最熱門的國家。

Trump reportedly spent a lot of time rehearsing this speech, if he can believe it.

聽說川普總統為了這次演講花了很多時間練習，你敢相信嗎？

He even had a lectern brought into his private residence so he could practice.

他甚至在他的私人住所裡放了一個講臺，以便他練習。

Boy, oh boy, we're lucky we have a country with people like this.

天啊，我們真幸運，國家有這樣的人。

But we've stopped it just in the nick of time, didn't we?

I have to say, Trump's dementia really makes me miss Joe Biden's dementia.

我得說，川普的失智症真的讓我懷念喬·拜登的失智症。

Here's the real state of the union, okay?

這才是真正的國情諮文，好嗎？

We have a nut job wannabe king who's doing everything he can to censor opinions he doesn't wanna hear.

我們有個想當國王的瘋子，他正想盡辦法壓制他不想聽的意見。

He has his goons arresting incarcerating and killing American citizens.

他派手下逮捕、監禁、殺害美國公民。

He's got funding for cancer research in children's hospitals while he rakes in literally billions of dollars for himself and his family.

他有錢資助兒童醫院的癌症研究，但自己和家人卻賺進數十億美元。

He's protecting pedophiles and won't explain it.

他在保護戀童癖者，卻不願解釋。

He's lining the pockets of billionaires, all while neglecting the sick, the poor, the hungry.

他讓億萬富翁荷包滿滿，同時卻忽略了病患、窮人和飢餓的人。

In the name of Jesus, by the way, who you can read all about, a Donald Trump edition of the God bless the USA Bible that is made in China and available for $99.99.

以耶穌之名，順帶一提，你可以好好看看，這是川普版的「上帝保佑美國聖經」，產地中國，售價 99.99 美元。

Okay, now, there were some positive moments tonight.

好的，今晚確實有一些正面的時刻。

The golden boys from Team USA Hockey were in the house.

美國國家冰球隊的黃金男孩們也來了。

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吉米 Kimmel 嘲諷川普 2026 國情諮文演說！ (Jimmy Kimmel Reacts to Donald Trump’s State of the Union Address 2026)

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