Name: 喬丹·史蘭斯基的起源故事 | Team Coco Radio (Jordan Schlansky’s Origin Story | Team Coco Radio)
Uploaded: 2026-02-02T04:31:58.000Z
Duration: 7 min 36 s

程度副詞

I'm here with a very special guest at the moment.

This is someone I get asked about more than anyone else I've worked with in late night.

這是個在我做深夜節目時，大家問我關於他問得比其他任何人還多的人。

情態副詞

Wherever I go, wherever I go in the world, probably once a day, people come up to me and say, what's the deal with Jordan Schlansky?

無論我到哪裡，無論我到世界的哪個角落，大概一天一次，就會有人來找我說，Jordan Schlansky 到底怎麼回事？

So I thought I'd have Jordan come in, sit down, and

所以我想讓 Jordan 進來，坐下，

maybe we'd talk about this and see if we can't figure out what this relationship is really all about.

也許我們可以聊聊這件事，看看能不能弄清楚這段關係到底是什麼。

坐在這裡的就是 Jordan Schlansky。

You have to tell me that's not my responsibility.

你得告訴我，那不是我的責任。

Okay, well, why don't you put the microphone a little closer to your mouth?

好的，那為什麼你不把麥克風靠近嘴巴一點？

You are being an incredible prick already.

I didn't realize I was functioning as an audio engineer, but I'm happy to comply.

我沒想到我得兼任音訊工程師，不過我很樂意照辦。

Okay, I'm not an audio engineer, but I could tell immediately.

好的，我不是音訊工程師，但我馬上就聽出來了。

I. I don't know how these are calibrated.

我。我不知道這些是怎麼校準的。

If you're listening right now and you're driving and you're clenching the wheel angrily, I apologize.

如果你現在正在開車，而且你正緊握著方向盤生氣地聽著，我感到很抱歉。

That's because, like me, when someone comes on and takes an arrogant, inhuman tone, you get upset.

因為，就像我一樣，當有人出現，態度傲慢、不近人情時，你就會不高興。

Why would you assume I know how many inches this is meant to be from my mouth?

你怎麼會覺得我知道這個東西離我嘴巴有多遠？

How many inches is this from my mouth you just opened yourself up to?

你剛剛自己說的，這個東西離我嘴巴有多遠？

I mean, if the impractical jokers right now were on the line, they'd be having a blast.

我是說，如果現在的《Practical Jokers》節目正在打電話進來，他們一定會玩得很開心。

Jordan, let's get started before you get combative or strange.

Jordan，我們開始吧，在你變得好鬥或奇怪之前。

Please answer these questions succinctly.

I was an unpaid intern initially, and then I was hired to continue my employment.

一開始我是無薪實習生，然後就被聘用繼續工作。

Okay, so you started out as an intern, and

好的，所以你一開始是實習生，然後

then some fucking idiot decided to hire you on permanently, and

某個該死的白痴決定永久聘用你，然後

you were paid, and then eventually you got a title on the show, which was.

你開始有薪水，最後你在節目裡有了職稱，那就是。

喔，我不記得我一開始是什麼職位。

Man, if there's ever been a vague term, it would have to be Associate Producer because we started using you on the show.

天啊，如果說有哪個頭銜很模糊，那「副製作人」絕對是其中之一，因為我們開始讓你上節目。

And when I say using you, I mean featuring you as a personality because you're so unusual.

我說讓你上節目，是說把你當成一個特色來介紹，因為你太特別了。

Frank Smiley, longtime producer on our show, said, jordan's fascinating.

Frank Smiley，我們節目的資深製作人，說過，Jordan 真的很迷人。

I thought that was kind of immoral, you know, in a way, to take advantage of someone with your limitations and exploit you.

我認為，從某方面來說，利用一個有你這樣限制的人，去剝削你，這有點不道德。

但 Frank 很堅持，然後我們就做了。

And so I also blame Frank for empowering you.

所以我也要怪 Frank 賦予你力量。

By the way, Frank, do you remember Jordan worked on the show and then you one day said, we gotta get this guy on camera.

對了，Frank，你還記得 Jordan 在節目工作，然後有一天你說，我們一定要讓這個人上鏡頭。

Well, I mean, it was an easy softball for you to hit out of the park every time because we had this relationship and it wasn't being recorded.

嗯，我是說，這對你來說是個很容易就能全壘打的機會，因為我們有這種關係，而且那時候又沒有錄影。

The relationship that people see in these remotes was basically going on in the office every single day.

大家在節目上看到的這種互動關係，其實在辦公室裡每天都在發生。

然後大家就會想，哦，這是演的嗎？

Because it was going on for several years before you even thought to put this on camera.

因為這件事已經持續好幾年了，在你想到要把它拍下來之前。

It was during the writers strike when we were desperate for material that wasn't.

那時候剛好遇到編劇罷工，我們急需一些不用寫劇本的素材。

You just needed me and Jordan in a room together and stuff would start to happen because he's so naturally provocative.

你只要把我跟 Jordan 關在一個房間裡，事情就會開始發生，因為他就是這麼自然地愛挑釁。

There's nobody like Jordan, and he's a strange man.

沒有人像 Jordan，他就是個怪人。

And it's obvious that America loves them.

Yeah, America has taken you to its collective bosom.

對，美國已經把你捧在手掌心上了。

我說的真的就是捧在手掌心，Jordan。

I swear to God, almost every day people ask me, what's the deal with Jordan?

我發誓，幾乎每天都有人問我，Jordan 到底怎麼回事？

My son loves In N Out, the In N Out hamburger chain here in California.

我兒子很愛 In N Out，就是加州這家 In N Out 漢堡連鎖店。

And a bunch of years ago, we're passing one and my son is really hungry, and

幾年前，我們經過一家，我兒子肚子很餓，

他說，嘿，我們可以去 In N Out 嗎？

So we pull over into the parking lot and my son goes in to place his order.

所以我們把車開進停車場，我兒子進去點餐。

A truck, a semi truck, screeches to a halt.

一輛卡車，一輛半拖車，緊急煞車停下。

The driver puts it in neutral and puts on the emergency brake, jumps out and runs across the highway and says to me, I just have to know, is Jordan real?

司機把車掛空檔，拉起手煞車，跳下車，衝過高速公路，對我說：「我一定要知道，Jordan 是真的嗎？」

I mean, this guy put his life in danger to find out if you are real.

我的意思是，這傢伙冒著生命危險來知道你是不是真的。

I still don't know exactly what you did on our show.

我還是不知道你到底在我們節目上做了什麼。

Well, across the entertainment industry, the title associate producer is somewhat variable.

嗯，在整個娛樂產業裡，「協調製作人」這個職稱其實有點彈性。

I had a multitude of responsibilities geared towards the smooth operation of the show.

我有很多責任，都是為了讓節目順利進行。

好的，又來了，真是胡說八道。

One of my responsibilities was not, and that was not to explain to you what I do.

我的職責之一不是，而且也不是向你解釋我做什麼。

哦，好的，所以那不是你的工作。

Let me explain to people listening right now.

讓我跟現在正在聽的大家解釋一下。

If you're familiar at all with the defense mechanisms behind a modern nuclear sub, here's how it works.

如果你對現代核潛艦的防禦機制有點瞭解的話，它的運作方式是這樣的。

If it's attacked, what happens is that the enemy ship fires a torpedo at it that homes in on the large metallic structure that is the subject as it gets close.

如果它被攻擊，敵艦就會發射一枚魚雷，魚雷會鎖定那個巨大的金屬結構，也就是潛艦本身，然後靠近。