Name: Colbert 妙答！鯨魚到底怎麼刷牙？兒童提問全紀錄 🐳🦷 ("How Do Whales Brush Their Teeth?" Stephen Colbert Answers Real Questions From Real Kids)
Uploaded: 2025-11-19T16:50:17.000Z
Duration: 5 min 28 s

Please say hello to the band friends right over there.

請跟那邊的樂團朋友們打個招呼。

They're those little people hiding behind the iPads at the dinner table.

就是那些躲在平板後面、坐在餐桌旁的小不點。

One thing we know about kids is they ask a lot of questions.

我們知道小朋友的一件事就是他們會問很多問題。

And that's why I created a segment on the show here where I give parents a break by answering real questions from real kids.

這也是為什麼我在節目中設計了一個單元，讓家長們休息一下，我來回答真實小朋友的真實問題。

We have had some trouble naming this segment in the past.

我們過去在命名這個單元時遇到了一些麻煩。

First, we called it Stephen Takes yous Kids.

首先，我們叫它「Stephen 帶你認識小朋友」。

And none of the others we tried were much better.

而且我們試過的其他名稱也好不到哪裡去。

So I just asked our writers to come up with a little title that parents can understand.

所以我請我們的編劇想一個家長們能懂的小標題。

Means I'm gonna take their kids to babysit while they take a break.

意思是，我會幫你們照顧小孩，讓你們可以休息一下。

So it's time for Stevie Wrinkle Bear sits on your beat.

所以是時候讓「Stevie Wrinkle Bear」來陪你們了。

嘿，小朋友們，誰有問題要問我？

Why is standard paper eight and a half by 11 inches?

為什麼標準紙張是八點五乘以十一英吋？

Well, Emily, that's because paper is named after Joseph T.

嗯，Emily，那是因為紙張是以 Joseph T. 的名字命名的。

Paper, who was 8 1/2 inches tall by 11 inches wide.

紙張，他身高八點五英吋，寬十一英吋。

Sadly, he passed away when he got into a fight and somebody three hole punched him.

可惜，他在打架時過世了，有人在他身上打了三孔。

I'd say my favorite princess is probably Boudicca, ruler of the Iceni, a Celtic warrior who raised an army to fight against the Roman invasion of the British isles in roughly 60 AD.

我覺得我最喜歡的公主可能是 Boudicca，她是伊西尼人的統治者，一位凱爾特戰士，她組建軍隊對抗大約西元 60 年羅馬入侵不列顛群島。

Now, it's estimated that Boudicca's army killed 70,000 Romans, making her a symbol of resistance and a national icon.

據估計，Boudicca 的軍隊殺死了七萬名羅馬人，使她成為抵抗的象徵和國家偶像。

Well, Cassidy, I don't know about you, but

嗯，Cassidy，我不知道妳怎麼樣，

the way to make me talk is to pull the string in my back.

但要讓我說話的方法是拉動我背後的繩子。

That activates one of my pre recorded catchphrases.

這會啟動我預錄的一句口頭禪。

Give it up for Louis Cato and the Late show band.

為 Louis Cato 和 Late Show 樂團鼓掌。

Mr. Colbert, how do whales brush their teeth?

Colbert 先生，鯨魚是怎麼刷牙的？

Wait, Jonah, are you by any chance inside of a whale right now?

等等，Jonah，你該不會現在就在一隻鯨魚裡面吧？

If so, you're in a great position to brush its teeth from the inside.

如果是的話，你從裡面幫牠刷牙的地理位置超棒的。

Then at the end, when it spits out the toothpaste, you can finally escape.

然後到最後，牠吐出牙膏的時候，你就可以逃出來了。

But to really answer that, you'd have to ask my close personal friend, Charlie Xex.

但要真正回答這個問題，你得去問我親密的朋友，Charlie Xex。

Well, Lilia, Steven knows a lot of famous people because every time he sees one at a party.

嗯，Lilia，Steven 認識很多名人是因為每次他在派對上看到一個。

He corners them and won't stop talking until they agree to exchange numbers with him.

他會把人堵住，一直講話，直到對方同意交換聯絡方式。

Then he puts them all on a massive group chat and won't stop texting because he's what we call a social climber.

然後他會把所有人加到一個超大的群組，不停傳訊息，因為他就是我們說的那種愛往上爬的人。

Oh, Charlie Xex, you're so funny and are my friend.

噢，Charlie Xex，你真有趣，而且你是我朋友。

嗯，Alex，沒有人確切知道，但是

one of the leading scientific theories is that the universe will expand exponentially until all matter and energy is uniformly distributed and and we reach something called maximum entropy.

其中一個主要的科學理論是，宇宙會指數級膨脹，直到所有物質和能量均勻分佈，然後我們就會達到所謂的最大熵。

Over a span of hundreds of trillions of years, all heat will vanish from the universe and all the stars will disappear.

在數百兆年的時間跨度裡，宇宙中的所有熱量都會消失，所有的星星都會消失。

Except, of course, for Paul Rudd, whose hotness is immune to time.

除非，當然，保羅·路德例外，他的魅力不受時間影響。

I hate to brag, Jack, but the way I fart is silent, odorless, and basically undetectable.

我討厭自誇，Jack，但我放屁的方式是無聲無息、無味、而且基本上無法察覺。

Stephen, how do you know if you have cooties and what are they?

Stephen，你怎麼知道自己有沒有「cooties」？那是什麼？

You know you have cooties because there'll be some subtle signs.

你會知道自己有沒有「cooties」，因為會有一些微妙的跡象。

We have just learned that Stephen Colbert has cooties.

我們剛剛得知 Stephen Colbert 感染了 cooties。

Cooties, of course, are colored combination of bug disease that result in an incurable condition medical professionals refer to as permanently gross.

當然，cooties 是一種會導致醫學專業人士稱之為「永遠噁心」的無法治癒狀況的彩色混合蟲病。

No word yet on how Stephen contracted cooties, though there are unconfirmed reports that at one point he may have kissed a girl.

目前還沒有消息指出 Stephen 是如何感染 cooties 的，儘管有未經證實的報導說他曾經親過一個女生。

Well, kids, I hope that answers all your questions.

好了，孩子們，我希望這回答了你們所有問題。

And parents, if your kids have questions at home, please please post a video to social media with the hashtag Colbert kid questions or submit a video at the link below and we just might feature it in our next installment of Stevie Fin Colbert sits on your baby.

還有家長們，如果你們的孩子在家裡有問題，請務必在社群媒體上發布一段影片，標記 #ColbertKidQuestions，或者在下方的連結提交影片，我們可能會在下一集「Stevie Fin Colbert 坐在你的寶貝身上」中介紹。

Thank you to Charlie XCX and Anderson Cooper.

謝謝 Charlie XCX 和 Anderson Cooper。

我們馬上回來，和 Ted Danson 一起。