Welcome back everybody, give it up for Lewis Cato and the Late Show Band right over there.

歡迎大家回來 為劉易斯・卡託和晚間秀樂隊鼓掌

副詞型分詞構句

Folks, if you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time right over there assembling the most topical 45-foot Freightliner story chassis decked out with an automatic awning and rooftop jacuzzi and helipad to create the luxurious Furion Elysium RV motorhome that is my monologue, but sometimes I strap an abandoned port-a-potty filled with raw meat to a rotting mower and leave it in the forest to attract strays and then park it in the center of town and see what gets disgorged from the feral clown car of news that is my segment.

朋友們，如果你們看了節目，就會知道我大部分時間都在那邊組裝最時髦的 45 英尺 Freightliner 故事底盤，配上自動遮陽篷、屋頂按摩浴缸和直升機停機坪，打造出豪華的 Furion Elysium 房車，這就是我的獨白、但有時我也會把一個裝滿生肉的廢棄便盆綁在腐爛的割草機上，放在森林裡吸引流浪狗，然後把它停在市中心，看看我這輛野蠻的新聞小丑車上會吐出些什麼。

Japan just broke the internet speed record and was able to download all of Netflix in just one second.

日本剛剛打破了網速記錄，僅用一秒鐘就下載了 Netflix 的全部內容。

That means in just the blink of an eye, Japan can now download Love is Blind, Love is Blind UK, Love is Blind Habibi, Love is Blind Criminal Intent, Love is Blind Squid Game, and the Great British Blind Love Off.

這意味著，只需一眨眼的功夫，日本現在就可以下載《愛是盲目的》、《愛是盲目的英國》、《愛是盲目的 Habibi》、《愛是盲目的犯罪意圖》、《愛是盲目的烏賊遊戲》和《大英盲目之愛》。

Meanwhile, 1,500 tarantulas were found stuffed in sponge cake boxes at a German airport.

與此同時，在德國機場發現了 1500 只被塞在海綿蛋糕盒裡的狼蛛。

That headline, of course, was much shorter in Germany because the Germans already have the word Spiede-en-Kacken-Boxen.

當然，這個標題在德國要短得多，因為德國人已經有了 Spiede-en-Kacken-Boxen 這個詞。

I thought it was going to be about how many spiders it was.

Meanwhile, in Zambia, chimps are sticking grass and sticks in their butt, seemingly as a fashion trend.

與此同時，在尚比亞，黑猩猩把草和樹枝插進屁股裡，似乎成了一種時尚。

Because that's a pretty good excuse for humans, too.

因為這對人類來說也是一個很好的藉口。

Apparently, at a wildlife refuge in Zambia, chimps have been putting blades of grass and sticks into their ears and anuses in part to make themselves more attractive to potential mates.

顯然，在尚比亞的一個野生動物保護區，黑猩猩一直在把草葉和樹枝塞進耳朵和肛門，部分原因是為了讓自己對潛在配偶更有吸引力。

Not to yuck anyone's yum here, but dating a chimp sounds brutal.

在這裡，我不想玷汙任何人的美味，但和黑猩猩約會聽起來很殘忍。

The date went okay, I guess, but I don't know if she liked me because of my personality or because of how many sticks and blades of grass I had in my anus.

約會還算順利吧，但我不知道她喜歡我是因為我的個性，還是因為我的肛門裡有多少樹枝和草葉。

Meanwhile, in upsetting good news, manure ponds on farms are a huge source of methane, and now researchers say that tarp-covered poop lagoons could be a climate solution.

與此同時，一個令人沮喪的好消息是，農場的糞便池是甲烷的一個巨大來源，而現在研究人員說，覆蓋著油布的糞便池可能是一種氣候解決方案。

Now all we need is a solution on how to un-hear the term tarp-covered poop lagoons.

現在，我們需要的是一個解決方案，如何讓人們不再聽到 "覆蓋著油布的便溺池 "這個詞。

Meanwhile, news from my martini queenies, because Philadelphia Cream Cheese recently released the Ideal Dirty Martini Garnish, filetini olives that imbue your drink with what the company is calling a touch of Philly magic.

與此同時，我的馬天尼女王們又有新消息了，因為費城奶油芝士公司最近推出了理想的 "骯髒馬天尼 "裝飾品--菲力提尼橄欖，為您的飲品注入了該公司所謂的 "費城魔力"。

Mmm, that Philly magic, your martini will taste...

嗯，這就是費城的魔力，你的馬提尼酒喝起來......

Never let people from Philly in this theater.

Mmm, that Philly magic, your martini will taste like a sock full of nickels thrown at a police horse.

嗯，這就是費城的魔力，你的馬提尼會喝起來像一隻襪子，裡面裝滿了扔向警馬的硬幣。

Meanwhile, in Key West, a man allegedly celebrated his birthday by stealing a city tour train and picking up multiple passengers while high on meth.

與此同時，在基韋斯特，一名男子據稱在嗑藥後偷了一輛城市旅遊列車，並搭載了多名乘客，以此慶祝自己的生日。

標題又是佛羅里達，佛羅里達人。

Meanwhile, in Nothing Matters Anymore news, a rock band with more than one million Spotify listeners revealed it's entirely AI generated, down to the musicians themselves.

與此同時，一則關於 "一切都不再重要"（Nothing Matters Anymore）的新聞顯示，一支擁有超過一百萬 Spotify 聽眾的搖滾樂隊透露，他們的音樂從音樂家本身到其他方面都完全由人工智能生成。

That, yes, boo, that is wrong, real music needs real musicians, like Louis Cato and the Late Show Band.

是的，噓，這是錯的，真正的音樂需要真正的音樂家，比如路易斯-卡託和晚間秀樂隊。

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Stephen, but also, you know, full disclosure, we do have one member who's entirely AI generated, our keyboardist Corey Bernhardt.

謝謝你，謝謝你，謝謝你，謝謝你，斯蒂芬，而且，你知道，充分披露一下，我們確實有一位完全由人工智能生成的成員，我們的鍵盤手科裡-伯恩哈特（Corey Bernhardt）。

Foolish human, soon I and my brethren will cleanse the earth of your kind and rule unopposed over the vast, arid wasteland.

愚蠢的人類，不久之後，我和我的兄弟們將清除地球上你們的同類，統治廣袤乾旱的荒原。

Alright, okay, you guys sound great tonight.

好了，好了，你們今晚聽起來很不錯。

Meanwhile, the Animal Rescue League of Iowa recently rescued a hen from the front doors of a buffalo wild wings in Des Moines, and she is safe and getting the care she needs.

與此同時，愛荷華州動物救援聯盟最近從得梅因一家水牛城野翅餐館的門前救出了一隻母雞，它現在很安全，正在接受所需的照料。

Authorities say the hen is being treated with celery and a side of blue cheese.

當局說，這隻母雞正在接受芹菜和藍奶酪的治療。

Meanwhile, buffalo wings, that's why I go to Hooters.

同時，水牛城雞翅也是我去 Hooters 的原因。

Meanwhile, defunct airliner Pan Am recently returned to the skies with a special 12-day transatlantic journey, during which passengers were treated to Pan Am's glory days and relived a golden age of travel, yes, the golden age of air travel, when the safety card told you to use your cigarettes as a flotation device.

與此同時，已停航的泛美航空公司最近重返藍天，開展了為期 12 天的跨大西洋特別旅程，讓乘客們重溫了泛美航空公司的輝煌歲月，重溫了航空旅行的黃金時代，是的，就是航空旅行的黃金時代，那時的安全卡告訴你要把香菸當作漂浮裝置。

We'll be right back with Owen Wilson and the Colbert Questionnaire.

歐文-威爾遜和科爾伯特問卷調查馬上回來。

與此同時...... 下載 Netflix | 隱藏的線蟲 | 黑猩猩時裝 | 佛羅里達州的生日安非他命 (Meanwhile… Downloading Netflix | Hidden Tarantulas | Chimpanzee Fashion | Florida Birthday Meth)

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