You can, uh, you can check your calendars on me here.

你可以，呃，你可以檢查你的日曆上我在這裡。

This weekend was the official start of summer, as my audience knows all too well.

這個週末是夏天的正式開始，我的聽眾們都很清楚。

Thank you, you brave souls, for waiting outside in the humidity that the Weather Channel has described as the devil's trouser chili.

謝謝你們這些勇敢的人，在天氣頻道形容為 "魔鬼褲子辣椒 "的潮溼環境中等待著。

Uh, we're at war in the Middle East again.

Um, at least it sure... it sure looks that way.

嗯，至少它肯定......它肯定看起來是這樣。

And-and it happened a lot sooner than anyone thought.

而這一切發生得比任何人想象的都要快。

See, last week, Trump's press secretary said this.

瞧，上週特朗普的新聞祕書是這麼說的。

I have a message directly from the president, and I quote, Based on the fact that there's a substantial chance of negotiations that may or may not take place with Iran in the near future, I will make my decision whether or not to go within the next two weeks.

我收到了總統直接發來的資訊，我引述如下：基於近期內可能會或不會與伊朗進行談判的事實，我將在未來兩週內決定是否前往。

That would have been perfect for me, because we would have been on vacation next week, and I wouldn't have known any of this was happening.

這對我來說再好不過了，因為下週我們就要去度假了，我根本不知道發生了這些事。

Now I'm gonna have to cancel my reservation at Sandals Fordo.

現在我不得不取消在 Sandals Fordo 的預訂了。

On Saturday, Trump surprised the world, announcing that the U.S. launched strikes on three Iranian nuclear facilities.

週六，特朗普出人意料地宣佈，美國對伊朗的三處核設施發動了打擊。

現在，我們面臨的是迫在眉睫的威脅嗎？

On-on one hand, Iran's slogan isn't Life to America.

一方面，伊朗的口號不是 "美國人的生活"。

But it's hard to trust Donald Trump to be the one making these kinds of decisions.

但很難相信唐納德-特朗普會做出這樣的決定。

It kind of feels like we're all in the back seat.

While the Uber driver goes on a road rage.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, buddy, we're in the car, too, okay?

嘿，嘿，嘿，嘿，夥計，我們也在車裡，好嗎？

And if we're dead, we can't give you five stars.

如果我們死了，就不能給你們五星了。

這是我給司機評級的硬性規定。

Trump, uh, Trump addressed the nation for a couple minutes later on Saturday night, and-and wrapped it up in just the weirdest way.

週六晚，特朗普向全國發表了幾分鐘的講話，並以最奇怪的方式結束了講話。

I want to just thank everybody, and in particular, God.

我想感謝所有人，特別是上帝。

I want to just say we love you, God, and we love our great military, protect them.

我只想說，上帝，我們愛你，我們愛我們偉大的軍隊，請保護他們。

Okay, it's a nice sentiment, you know, but a weird way to say it.

好吧，這是一種美好的情感，你知道，但說出來的方式很奇怪。

Yes, I have always been a devout believer in...

We haven't always been on the greatest terms since I made the deal with the guy with the pokey head and the flaming hooves, but point is, you rock, big guy, stay in school, have a great summer, namaste.

自從我和那個長著痞子頭和火焰蹄子的傢伙做了交易之後，我們的關係就一直不是很好，但重點是，你很棒，大個子，留在學校裡，過一個愉快的暑假，namaste。

After the bombs were dropped on Sunday, Trump posted this message with a key misspelling.

在週日投下炸彈後，特朗普發佈了這條關鍵拼寫錯誤的消息。

The great B-2 pilots have just landed safely in Missouri.

偉大的 B-2 飛行員剛剛在密蘇里州安全著陸。

Spoken like a man who got donocked in Donogan.

說得就像一個在多諾根被揍過的人。

We're learning more about the actual bombing, the attack plan.

我們正在進一步瞭解實際爆炸事件和襲擊計劃。

It's codenamed Operation Midnight Hammer.

In order to avoid detection, the plan was carried out by seven B-2 stealth bombers.

為了避免被發現，該計劃由 7 架 B-2 隱形轟炸機執行。

I'm told we have a picture of the stealth planes.

我聽說我們有一張隱形飛機的照片。

The planes were carrying 30,000-pound bombs known as Bunker Busters, officially called MOPs, or Massive Ordnance Penetrators.

這些飛機攜帶的 30,000 磅炸彈被稱為 "掩體摧毀者"（Bunker Busters），正式名稱為 "MOPs"，即 "大規模彈藥穿透器"。

The most phallic-sounding weapon since the Tomahawk cruise schwanz.

戰斧式巡航導彈之後，聽起來最 "噬人 "的武器。

So America's spies must have truly compelling intelligence indicating that Iran was close to building a nuclear weapon.

是以，美國間諜一定掌握了真正令人信服的情報，表明伊朗即將製造出核武器。

Because America's spies said Iran wasn't building a nuclear weapon.

因為美國的間諜說伊朗沒有在製造核武器。

Maybe our top spies just didn't have time to do a thorough check because they were too busy hanging off of a biplane.

也許我們的高級間諜只是因為忙於在雙翼飛機上懸掛，沒有時間進行徹底檢查。

But if the intelligence wasn't there, how did Trump decide it was time to attack Iran's nuclear program?

但如果情報不存在，特朗普又是如何決定是時候攻擊伊朗核計劃的呢？

Well, according to a senior administration official, it was based on a feeling... the president had.

據一位政府高級官員說，這是基於... 總統的一種感覺。

If-if-if you are making a decision that could endanger the lives of American troops and civilians, help me out.

如果--如果--如果你做出的決定可能危及美軍和平民的生命，請幫幫我。

And remember, this isn't America's first military industrial rodeo.

請記住，這不是美國第一次進行軍事工業競技。

I've been making jokes about whether or not we should be going to war in the Middle East for 22 years.

22 年來，我一直在開我們是否應該在中東開戰的玩笑。

I did jokes from the Middle East for the service people who were sent into harm's way based on no credible intelligence.

我曾在中東為那些在沒有可靠情報的情況下被派往危險地區的軍人說過笑話。

I will say this about the Bush administration.

At least they respected us enough to lie to us.

至少他們尊重我們，不會對我們撒謊。

Apparently the Trump administration does not give a damn what we think.

顯然，特朗普政府根本不在乎我們的想法。

字幕列表影片播放

特朗普奇怪的伊朗戰爭演說 | 大型穿透器 | 不只是一種感覺 | 政權更迭？ (Trump's Weird Iran War Speech | Massive Penetrators | More Than A Feeling | Regime Change?)

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