Name: 如何擺脫社交尷尬？ 問自己這兩個問題 ► 凡妮莎‧範‧愛德華茲（中英字幕） (如何擺脫社交尷尬？問自己這兩個問題 ► Vanessa Van Edwards 凡妮莎‧范‧愛德華茲（中英字幕）)
Uploaded: 2025-05-04T23:34:29.000Z
Duration: 3 min 3 s

我是一個正在恢復的笨拙的人。

I used to believe that you were either born with charisma or you weren't.

我過去一直認為，人的魅力要麼與生俱來，要麼與生俱來。

進階被動語態

That charisma was genetic, and in 2002 I discovered a study that changed my life, which said that charisma can be learned.

這種魅力是遺傳的，2002 年，我發現了一項改變我一生的研究，其中提到魅力是可以學習的。

This is when I started to tackle, to figure out, okay, if charisma can be learned, how do we learn it?

從那時起，我就開始思考，如果魅力是可以學習的，那麼我們該如何學習呢？

How can we learn blueprints for conversation, how can we learn frameworks for how we connect and how we socialize?

我們怎樣才能學會對話的藍圖，怎樣才能學會如何聯繫、如何社交的框架？

That's when I started doing my own research, I developed my first framework about 12 years ago, and we've helped 400,000 students learn that framework, master it and conquer awkwardness or feel more confident.

從那時起，我開始做自己的研究，大約 12 年前，我開發了我的第一個框架，我們已經幫助 40 萬名學生學習了這個框架，掌握了它，並戰勝了尷尬或感到更加自信。

So I read the quintessential How to Win Friends and Influence People back in the day.

是以，我當年讀了《如何贏得朋友和影響他人》這本書。

And that's a wonderful book, but it's a book written by an extrovert.

這是一本很棒的書，但它是一本外向型人寫的書。

If you are not naturally extroverted, I'm not naturally extroverted, I'm more ambiverted.

如果你不是天生的外向型，我也不是天生的外向型，我的性格比較矛盾。

It is very hard to learn how to communicate if you don't naturally gravitate towards people.

如果你天生不喜歡與人交流，就很難學會如何交流。

I was like, there has to be a way to teach introverts and ambiverts to be able to feel confident without having to fake it till you make it.

我當時就想，一定有一種方法可以教會內向者和性格內向者自信，而不必偽裝自己，直到成功。

Without having to pretend to be extroverted or outgoing, to be taken seriously, or to be charismatic.

不必假裝外向或外向，不必假裝認真，也不必假裝有魅力。

Ambiverts get energy from the right people in the right places.

Ambiverts 能在正確的地方從正確的人那裡獲得能量。

So for example, in this interview, I love one-on-one conversations.

例如，在這次採訪中，我喜歡一對一的談話。

I feel myself, but if we were to go to a loud bar or a nightclub, I would completely shut down and want to be alone.

我覺得我自己，但如果我們去喧鬧的酒吧或夜總會，我就會完全封閉起來，想一個人待著。

Ambiverts can dial up extroversion to hit their goals, so that they know they have to be friendly and meet people for an interview or a position, they can do it.

有外向性格的人可以調高外向度來實現自己的目標，這樣，他們知道自己必須友好地與人接觸，以獲得面試或職位，他們就能做到這一點。

The reason why it's important to know if you're an ambivert is because you should know what are the people and places that drain you.

之所以要知道自己是否是一個弱智者，是因為你應該知道哪些人和哪些地方會消耗你的精力。

There are certain people when you open your calendar and you look at it and you're like, oh, I have to be with that person.

有些人，當你打開日曆一看，你就會想，哦，我一定要和那個人在一起。

That is someone that drains you, they do not bring out your extroversion or your natural love of people.

這樣的人耗盡了你的精力，他們無法激發你的外向性和天生的親和力。

There are also certain people who you feel you could talk to for hours, they give you social energy, they charge your social battery.

還有一些人，你覺得可以和他們聊上幾個小時，他們會給你帶來社交能量，給你的社交電池充電。

So the very first thing I have students do is sit and make a list, who are the people who give you energy, who charge you up?

所以，我讓學生們做的第一件事就是坐下來，列出一個名單，誰是給你能量、給你充電的人？

Who are the people who take from you, those are people that we want to put boundaries around, we want to say no to, we want to limit as much as possible.

哪些人從你這裡拿走了什麼，這些人就是我們要限制的人，我們要對他們說 "不"，我們要儘可能地限制他們。

And then also the places, where do you thrive, is it conferences one-on-one business, or is it friends socializing parties?

還有，你在哪些地方發展壯大，是一對一的商務會議，還是朋友間的社交聚會？

Knowing those places helps you optimize your social battery.

瞭解這些地方有助於優化您的社交電池。

And when you say cues, which you said at the start of this conversation, people think of just body language, is that the sort of full extent of areas that you focus on?

當你說線索時，你在談話開始時說，人們想到的只是肢體語言，這是你關注的全部領域嗎？

There is body language, that's facial expressions, gestures, posture.

還有肢體語言，即面部表情、手勢和姿勢。

But there's also vocal, so vocal cues are the tone of our voice, our pace, our volume, arc, cadence.

此外還有聲音，聲音線索就是我們說話的語調、節奏、音量、弧度和腔調。

There's also the words we use, obviously, verbal cues, the types of words that I'm choosing to use are signaling my warmth and competence to you.

還有我們使用的詞語，很明顯，語言暗示，我選擇使用的詞語類型正在向你傳遞我的熱情和能力。

And the last, the smallest channel is our ornaments, the colors we wear, the jewelry we wear, the way we wear our hair, the way we wear your facial hair, those are also signaling different things or queuing people to feel a certain way about you.

最後一個，也是最小的一個管道，就是我們的裝飾品，我們穿的顏色、戴的首飾、我們的髮型、我們的面部毛髮，這些也都是不同的信號，或排隊讓人們對你有某種感覺。

字幕列表影片播放

如何擺脫社交尷尬？問自己這兩個問題 ► 凡妮莎‧範‧愛德華茲（中英字幕） (如何擺脫社交尷尬？問自己這兩個問題 ► Vanessa Van Edwards 凡妮莎‧范‧愛德華茲（中英字幕）)

awkward

stuff

sort

figure

如何擺脫社交尷尬？ 問自己這兩個問題 ► 凡妮莎‧範‧愛德華茲（中英字幕） (如何擺脫社交尷尬？問自己這兩個問題 ► Vanessa Van Edwards 凡妮莎‧范‧愛德華茲（中英字幕）)

awkward

stuff

sort

figure

如何擺脫社交尷尬？問自己這兩個問題 ► 凡妮莎‧範‧愛德華茲（中英字幕） (如何擺脫社交尷尬？問自己這兩個問題 ► Vanessa Van Edwards 凡妮莎‧范‧愛德華茲（中英字幕）)