UGH!

你是誰?

Wait! Who are you?

妳知道我是誰

You know who I am.

真的?

I do?

你友善的好鄰居...

Your friendly neighborhood...

百事超人

PEPSI MAN

廣告末日 (Adpocalypse)

The adpocalypse is still going strong.

持續增強當中

If you don't know, all the advertisers just pulled themselves out of YouTube.

如果你不知道...

There's no ads on YouTube.

所有的廣告客戶都退出了Youtube

16 DOLLARS?!

Youtube已經沒有廣告了

What am I gonna do with 16 dollars?!

16元...我要拿16元去幹什麼??!!

And I know what you're thinking..

我知道你在想什麼

''But Pewdiepie, you said you only make videos for "funny" and not for money''

但是pewdiepie...你說你做影片只為了好玩 而不是為了錢...

I LIED!

我說謊了!! 我說謊了,好嗎?!

I LIED, OKAY?

有人撤掉他們在Youtube的廣告 來作為抵制...

One of the people that pulled their ads out of YouTube as a boycott...

但除了...

...was none other...

百事超人

than [warning headphone users]

當我想到它, 我就痛苦...

PEPSI MAAAAAAN

百事...

It hurts every time that I think about it, Pepsi! Uh!

就像我體內的一根刺... 是我靈魂中的一根刺

It's like a sting in my body. It's a sting in my soul.

除了中止他們在youtube上的花費

''Besides suspending their spending on YouTube...'' Good writing, there by the way

順帶一提,真是好文筆

Walmart, PEPSI and several other companies have said they will stop buying ads on Google places.

沃爾瑪、百事, 還有其他公司聲明 他們將會停止購買google旗下的廣告

NO

不!!

16 DOLLARS!

16元!!

But wait, what is this?

等等...這是什麼??

Pepsi just released an ad!

百事剛剛在youtube釋出一支廣告

On Youtube!

還有Kendall Jenner... 我的...

With Kendall Jenner!

我最喜歡的藝人

My-

你知道我猜我必須弄得像 闔家觀賞一樣,像是Kendall Jenner

My favorite artist!

你知道... 我可以...我也可以做到

(chuckle) You know, I guess I gotta get on that family friendliness like Kendall Jenner!

我也可以變得闔家觀賞... 就像Kendall Jenner

You know? I could also do that.

你也可以付我錢

I can ALSO be family friendly...

百事超人

...like Kendall Jenner. You can also pay me!

好的我們來看看吧 讓我們來看看吧

PEPSI MAAAAAN

我有聽說一些關於這廣告的好消息

Alright, let's just watch it.

用電吉他開場

Let's just watch it. I've been hearing great things about it.

但他在拉大提琴...

(electric guitar plays)

那...做的好 做的真棒

Starts of with an electric guitar...

沒有人會注意到

...but he's playing a cello.

看他彈電吉他, 彈的多熱情

That uh..uh. Good job there, good job there. No one's gonna notice that one.

我是說大提琴

*music*

你可以想像身為一個樂手 他的臉會有多不屑

Look how passionate he is playing that electric guitar.

獻身去演奏樂器,然後...

I mean cello.

你卻被電吉他給配音了

Kind of when he's spin the face as an...

加入對話!!

...as an artist you devote yourself to an instrument...

我們只是想要互相談話!

...and then you just get dumped over by a fucking electric guitar.

他將不能使我們分裂

(laughs)

我們有愛... 那是"愛"的漢字

JOIN THE CONVERSATION

都是為了愛啊

WE JUST WANT TO TALK TO EACH OTHER

看看這些各式各樣的人們 我們有各種的人在這

He will not divide us, we got love.

那是Kendall?? 那是Kendall!!

Thats the Kanji for love.

她在拍攝...喔我的天 她在這裡超級漂亮的

And, we are all about the love...

她真是個超級巨星

...and look at this diverse crowd. We got all kinds of people in here.

我的天...她看到這個遊行了

Is that Kendall? That's Kendall!

她看到這個世界正發生著什麼事

She's doing a photo shoot...

是爭端...

...oh my God, she looks so pretty in this photo shoot.

你知道的...

She's such a superstar.

人們...名人正在遊行

♪♪ we are the lions ♪♪

這些名人參與遊行 是多麼的英勇

Oh my God, she sees what is happening.

好嗎?

She sees what is happening out in the world and it's controversy.

他們這樣做是因為他們對議題的熱情 而不是因為他們想要社群媒體的發文

People, celebrities are marching.

好嗎

It's so brave for all these celebrities to be out marching.

Kendall Jenner有出現在女權大遊行嗎??

Okay?

Kendall Jenner希望她可以出席女權大遊行

They do it because they're passionate about the cause...

她根本就沒去!!!!!

...and not because they want social media posts.

她仍然在拍攝 但她感覺有些不對勁

Alright? *sarcasm as fuck*

這世上存在著不公義

Was Kendall fucking Jenner in the women's march?

不, 她只想要這個男人

*laughs*

我的天!!!!!

Kendall Jenner wishes she could have attended the women's march.

她好英勇!!

She wasn't even in it! (laughs)

她希望她可以出席...

She's still... She's still doing her photoshoot...

為什麼我會驚訝...

...but she, she feels like something is wrong.

人們真是天殺的白癡

There's injustice in the world

等等...最棒的橋段要來了

Nah, she just wants the guy.

我們可以談一下這有多尷尬嗎

♪♪WE ARE THE LIONS♪♪

她可以直接用她另一隻手嗎?

Oh my God! She's so brave!

事情是這樣,當有人想要跟你擊拳 但你拿著東西

She wishes she could have attended (laughs) the women's march.

你不會這樣做 你才不會,好嗎?

Ugh, people are such fucking idiots.

你拿...你這樣做才是正確的

But wait! The best part is yet to come.

這尷尬的要死

Ugh! Can we talk about how cringe that is?

如果你要跟任何人擊拳,但你拿著東西 這尷尬的要死

Couldn't she just have used her other hand?

這很重要嗎??

The thing is like, when someone wants to brofist you when you hold something...

不,它不重要, 它關係可重大了!! (註: 這裡pewds應該是口誤了)

...you don't do this.

她在幹嘛??

You don't... you just don't.

她拿百事要幹嘛??

Okay?

她拿百事要幹嘛 對那些暴動警衛...警察...

You take... you do it properly

她給警察一罐百事

This is awkward as hell to do. If you ever brofist anyone that holds something...

真聰明...

...it's awkward as hell.

真天才

Does this matter at all? No, it doesn't.

YES!

It matters a great deal!

現在所有人都很高興就對了

♪♪MUSIC♪♪

它解決了一切

What is she doing? What is she doing with that Pepsi?

你只要...

What is she gonna do with the Pepsi to the riot guards?

給他一罐百事

The police?

等等...你是跟我說...

She's giving the police a Pepsi

這就是所有人要抗議的議題??

Brilliant. Genius.

光這些還不夠, 百事

Yes!

我不覺得你需要去解釋 這廣告為什麼很爛

Everyone is happy now.

他們撤掉在youtube的廣告, 來避免爭議

She solved everything.

然後他們釋出這狗屎

All you had to do... was give him a Pepsi!

它不只令人尷尬

Wait, you're telling me that...

很糟,很牽強

...this is the problem in all the riots?

它...

There's just not enough Pepsi.

它讓我討厭自己

I don't think you need to explain why it sucks.

這就是為什麼我永遠不要變成闔家觀賞

They quit the ads on YouTube to avoid controversy and then they release this fucking shit?

因為...老天,我才不要跟這鬼東西有關連

Not only is it cringy. It's bad. It's forced.

網路梗已經出來了

It's.. It makes me hate myself.

它們是絕對的...美麗

This is the reason why I will never be family friendly because, God, I will never fucking be associated with this kind of fucking shit

Kendall拜託! 給他一罐百事

The memes that are coming out of this...

喂, Kendall,我需要妳帶百事過來 這些警察發瘋了

...it's absolutely (kisses finger) beautiful.

我賭她會出現

Kendall, please, give him a Pepsi!

我賭她在忙著拍攝 但我賭她會出現

(laughs)

如果她沒出現 我賭她希望她能夠...

Yo Kendall, I'mm gonna need you to come through with a Pepsi! These cops are wildin'!

你知道每次我出門 對我來說不是個問題

I bet she showed up

但只是...你懂的, 我媽... 從我是個小男孩開始

I bet she was at the photoshoot...

她總是像... 帶一點百事,孩子

...but I bet she showed up...

放在你的後口袋

...and if she didn't, I bet she wishes that she could have

如果警察來找你的麻煩 只要亮出一罐百事

(laughs)

所有事將迎刃而解

you know everytime i go outside its not really a problem for me but just

他是不是噴... 他用百事噴他們

you know my mom ever since i was a young little boy she's always like

那不是催淚瓦斯 那是百事,各位

bring a little pepsi boiii

有時候警察也喜歡分享

put it in ur backpocket

對! 看看這個

and if you ever get in trouble with the cops, just whip out a pepsi, and everything will be alright

大家住手!! 我車裡有一打百事!!

is he spray-he's spraying them with pepsi

事情會解決的!

that's not tear gas, that's pepsi everyone

這不是一個人所做出的決定

sometimes the cops like to share as well

在這個廣告團隊下工作的人天殺的多

yes *laughs* this one

這裡面投入了幾百萬幾百萬的資金

STOP GUYS! i have a pepsi multi pack in

我不無法想像Kendall Jenner拿了多少酬金

my car

但我可以想像那是一筆大數目

its gonna be okay!

因為百事從以前到現在都很知名 ,之類的...

its not just one person making these desicions, the people working on these ad campaigns are fucking huge

它幾年來都請很出名的人代言

there's millions and millions and millions of dollars involved in this

像是Britney Spears、Michael Jackson 、Beyoncé

i cant even imagine how much money kendall jenner was paid for this

他們都被百事給贊助

but i imagine quite a big sum cause pepsi's known throughout the history

現在Kendall Jenner成為新星

history? whatever, through out the years to do all the big celebrities like

有幾百萬的金錢 以及那麼多的人參與其中

Britney Spears, Micheal Jackson (that one was amazing) um

但沒有人... 沒有人站出來然後像是

Beyonce

也許這不是個好主意, 知道嗎? 也許在現實世界這樣行不通

they all done pepsi sponsored

我知道我們都是正義魔人

and now kendall jenner being the new star. there's millions of dollars and so many people involved

我們想一起發洩情緒 (註: circle jerk off,直譯為圍著打槍)

but NO ONE, no one stepped up and be like

看看現在有多爽

maybe this is just not a good idea, you know?

人們會喜歡這鬼東西 還有Kendall Jenner

maybe this is not how the real world actually works

所有人都愛著彼此

i understand that we were social justice warriors and we want to

愛到處都是

*unintelligent*

公平來說, 像是...

...off like how great this movement is

有些百事廣告真的很棒

Oh people gonna love this shit

我記得Britney的那支 當我還是個孩子

its got kendall jenner

我像是...哇!搞什麼?

and everyone just loves each other

我覺得那很酷,好嗎?

there's love everywhere

我確定我現在不會覺得它酷了, 但是...

and to be fair like some of the pepsi commercials has been like really good

百事超人

i remember the Britney one when i was a kid and like wow what the fuck

yo看看我的口袋!! 我有百事!!我有百事!!

i thought it was cool

這很可怕...被這逗笑很糟糕

okay, im sure i wouldnt think its cool now

但同時...這就是現實的情況

but

不是所有人都活在天殺的泡泡裡

PEPSIIIIIIII MAAAAAN

就像百事的員工

YO JUST LOOK IN MY POCKET, I GOT A PEPSI I GOT A PEPSI!!!

好嗎?

its horrible, to laugh at but at the same time this is the reality of the situation

我想我們都在這裡學到了寶貴的一課

not everyone lives in a goddamn bubble

也就是百事帶給世界和平

like the people working at pepsi alright

大家都知道

i think we all learned a valuable lesson here which is pepsi brings world peace

這世界現在被分裂 大家都很恐慌

everyone knows this

但感謝上蒼,我們有勇敢的人們 像是Kendall Jenner

the world is so divided right now and everyone is freaking out but thank god

我也...什麼??!!我接到一通來自 Kendall Jenner經紀人的電話

that we have brave people

她...她希望她可以到場

like kendall jenner

我可以想像公關部

whats that

嘗試想出如何用 Kendall Jenner推廣社運

i just got a call from kendall jenner's management and she

好的, 現在流行什麼議題??

she, she wishes she could be here

我們有所有的抗議者跟反川普運動

i could just imagine the P.R team, trynna figure out how they're gonna promote this campaign with kendall jenner

還有"黑人的命也是命"

okay what's relevant right now?

那就是我們如何賣這個汽水

oh we got all the riot

天他媽殺的,我不能播出音軌

and the anti trump movement

但是化學兄弟完全的預測了這影片

and black lives matter

在2009年

THATS HOW WE'RE GONNA SELL THIS SODA

他們甚至丟了...

holy fucking shit

Viva Cola

i cant show the audio but the chemical brothers

他們就是從這裡得到啟發??

literally predicted this video

搞什麼?

in 2009,

現在諷刺的是 消費者在禁用...抵制百事

they're even throw(ing)

因為這個廣告非常糟糕

viva cola *laughs*

但同時...

is this where they got their inspiration from? what the fuck?

這都是宣傳...好的宣傳

the irony now is that

我不知道

fans ^stutters^

對此我沒有個答案

consumers are banning

我想...不...

boycotting bepsi because they just have got off on this

我覺得這個答案是否定的

commercial wuss

她發推了...

but at the same time, is all the publicity

老天保佑

good publicity?

我的...我的眼睛!!

i dont know

它他媽的想表達什麼

i dont really have the answer for that

碳酸飲料的真實力量

i think no. i think no is the right answer

說得對

oh she tweeted it, god bless

妳是有多自以為, 甚至表現的像是 妳跟一罐汽水可以終結一切像是讓警察出動的抗議行動

^sighs^

那是個好問題

MY EYES *LAUGHS*

那是個絕妙的問題

*get rekt, ken*

基本上是一樣的東西

what the fuck is this meant to be?

歷史性的一刻

the true power of fizzy juice, thats riiiiigghhht

好的,對我來說就是這樣

how stuck up do you have to be to even act like you and a can of soda can end things like police brutality protest?

希望你喜歡

that is a great question, that is an excellent question

去看看另一部影片

basically, the same thing

然後...呃

historic moment

這部影片有百事的廣告

alright, well that that is it from me, hope you enjoyed, check out another video and um

我要你...

there's a pepsi out of this video

這是不可能發生的

i want you to

這永遠不會發生

this is never gonna happen. this is never gonna fukin happen

真的,我也許看起來像是 我愛酸, 看不慣別人好, 還有氣呼呼

really, i may seem like im hateful and bitter

但在現實中

and angry

我迷失了

but in reality

我需要你,百事

im just lost

回到我身邊

i need you pepsi

我愛你

come back to me, i love you

我會對你好

i'll be good to you

我會善待你

i'll treat you nice

拜託

please

我不想要繼續免費做影片

i don't wanna keep making videos for free

好嗎?

okay?

這不是我想要的...這不是我想做的... 我不想這樣做

i *stammers* its not what i (want)

好嗎?

its not what im doing

百事超人 (翻譯、時間軸: John Titor) 19/01/23最後修改

i dont wanna do dat

iagh

a hah

okay?

PEPSI MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN