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This month, athletes from around the world are descending upon Sochi
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to represent their country.
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You're not participating.
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You are going to be watching on TV
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because that's what you're best at.
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But it's important that you maximize this experience for peak enjoyment.
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First, make your environment more Russian.
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Put on traditional Ushanka.
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Have a babushka lady cook you a meal of boiled potatoes
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Then eat them from nested Matryoshka dolls.
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Turn your bathroom into a Banya.
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Don't be bashful. These guys have seen it all.
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Most of the actual competition will happen while you're asleep
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Because time zones.
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Travel there in dream state
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By listening to mixtape of winter sports sounds.
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During your waking hours, watch as many events as possible, simultaneously.
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This will give you the opportunity to finally use that second eyeball.
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Enjoy the inception like experience of
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curling while watching curling.
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Dont get cute and have snowboarding session while watching snowboarding.
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If you must leave the house
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keep the spirit that the games alive by dressing like an ice dancer.
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You'll learn a thing or two about teamwork.
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Assume the posture of a ski jumper while urinating.
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Finally remember that seeing your fellow countrymen or women on the podium
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Can be an emotional experience for some.
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Feel free to cry, if you must.
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Okay that's enough.
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It's just a bronze.
