How to read minds.

如何讀心。

So, you wanna know how to read minds huh?

所以，你想要知道如何讀心對吧？

All you have to do is to pick up my new book "How to Read Minds" by Ryan Higa, that's me.

你只需要選我的新書《如何讀心》作者Ryan Higa，那是我。

This is not as interesting as I thought it would be.

這不是我想像中那麼有趣。

How to ask a girl out and never get rejected.

如何約女生出去而從來不被拒絕。

We've been friends for long time now and I was just wondering would you go out with me?

我們當朋友很久了，我在想你會跟我出去約會嗎？

No, because we've been friends for a really long time and I thought you were dating somebody else

不，因為我們是朋友真的很久了，而且我以為你在跟別人約會。

And I thought you like guys...Oh My God! what are you doing!

而且我以為你喜歡男的.....老天！你在幹嘛？

we need to get out of here!

我們必須出去！

So you do want to go out!

所以你想要跟我出去（約會）！

How to type faster.

如何打字打的快一點。

How to revive a dead mouse.

如何讓老鼠起死回生。

Ha, there we are.

哈！成功了。

How to make a hit song that would be popular today.

如何做一首今天就會超紅的歌。

I have...no, got, I got! I got that..what I got...

我有...不對，得到...我得到！我得到什麼...

I got a ... ah so frustrating!

我得到一個...阿好煩！

Power? I got a power.

力量？我得到力量。

huh, what comes the next? I got a power!

恩...接下來是什麼？我得到力量！

How to piss off a guy.

如何惹一個男生生氣。

kick his balls.

踢他的蛋蛋。

My ball!

那是我的球欸！

hit his nuts.

打他的蛋蛋。

my nuts!

我的堅果！（同字不同意）

Go for the testicles.

試試他的睪丸。

hehe, STOP! I have to finish this test, stop test tickling me.

嘻嘻，停！我必須完成這個考試，考試中不要騷我癢。

I hate test tickle.

我討厭考試瘙癢（音近 testicles）。

How to piss off a girl.

如何惹一個女生生氣。

Is everything alright? you look...period.

還好嗎？你看起來...月經來了。

Excuse me? - I said you looked pretty weird there, something wrong?

你說什麼？- 我說你看起來怪怪的，怎麼了嗎？

Oh it's just... -Oh I know what it is, is that because you are on your rag wing now and it's getting dirty?

喔只是... - 我知道是什麼了！是因為你現在有衛生棉的翅膀，而且它變髒了？

What? - Ya, you probably shouldn't leave on the ground if you don't want to...you know, you probably want it to stay clean, so I just put there for you.

什麼？ 對 你也許不應該放在地上 如果你不想要...你知道，你也許想要他保持乾淨，所以我就幫你放在那

Oh got it! it's your next period huh? ya, your math with Mr Anderson is on next period, right?

噢 我知道了！是你下次月經？對 你有安德森老師的數學在下個期間對吧？

oh ya. I know exactly what you are going through. I know your pain! I mean just sitting in class thinking oh such a heavy flow of math equations

恩 我完全知道你的感覺 我知道那個痛苦！坐在教室裡面想著這麼多的流量的數學公式

you know, P equals MS and just totally cramps our style, you know

你知道 P等於MS 就完全放不開(cramps 也指經痛）你知道

and that fake French accent, every time you come to class late he's like, why ‘ovulate?

和那個假掰的法國腔, 每次你上課遲到他就像 你為何遲到？(音近排卵期)

with the straighten hair, it's like it's so weird, man straightening hair?

和燙直的頭髮 超怪的 男生燙直髮？

man straight, man straight hair just doen't go together. and why is it always so hot in there

男人直 男人直髮就是不該在一起的組合啊 而且為什麼那裡總是那麼熱

you know he was always like do you want the temp off or the temp on?

他總是說 你們想要溫度調高或低？然後大家都會

and all the kids are like temp on temp on temp on

（跟tampon棉條音近）

Stop! could you please just stop?

停！可不可以請你停止

wow, someone is definitely on her period i will see you in 3-5 days. depending on flow

哇 有人一定是月經來了 我三五天後再見你吧 看流量多少

How to be a really good voice narrator

如何當一個非常好的聲音解說員

why are you keep reading like that? just read it normal! what are you talking about? that's what i'm doing

你為何一直那樣唸？正常唸！你說啥？那就是我正在做的啊

No, you're saying it all weird just say How to be a really good voice narrator

不 你講得很怪 就說 如何當一個非常好的聲音解說員

How to be a really good voice narrator. yes, now record it

如何當一個非常好的聲音解說員 好 現在錄起來

How to be a really good voice narrator

如何當一個非常好的聲音解說員

better

好多了

How to blow someones mind

如何讓人震驚

last but not the least, how to blow someones mind all you have to do is to say the inference poem

最後一個 如何讓人震驚 你只需要說推理的詩

If roses are red and violets are blue

如果玫瑰是紅的 而紫羅蘭是藍色

and by the commutative property the colour blue is actually violet

而從他們相交的區塊(交換律) 藍色這個顏色其實是紫色

and what two colours to make violet? red and blue which means you need red to make violet and since violets are actually blue. and that means you need red to make it blue

而哪兩個顏色一起會是紫色？紅跟藍 那就代表洪其實可以做成紫色 而因為紫色其實是藍色 所以代表你需要紅色去做藍色

but what makes red? the past tense of read. Because the word you read more than any other word so far in equation?

但什麼做成紅色？read的過去式 因為這字你在等式中讀最多？

blue. you read blue creating violet. and because violets are actually blue.

藍色！你讀藍色創造紫色 又因為紫色其實就是藍色

it proves that not only did I just blow your mind but everything you just red (past tense)

那證明了我不止讓你難忘而且所有你讀（紅）的（過去式）

actually just BLUE your mind

其是讓你很震驚（blue blow音近）

How to find out how much of your life you wasted today

如何知道你今天浪費了多少時間？

still going! still going! still going

還有！還有 還有

now what? I don't know

現在要幹嘛？ 我不知道