What do we have here?

這裏看到什麼咧？

There's a bloke that's trying to board a train in India and he's ended up getting a free crowd surfing experience.

有個白痴試圖爬進印度的一班火車，最後得到人群衝浪的經驗。

He wasn't prepared to become Kurt Cobain, but there you go.

他沒準備好要當Kurt Cobain (油漬搖滾樂隊主唱)，但躲不掉囉！

Overpopulation is one of those issues ya don't wanna think about.

人口過多是你不想思考的問題之一。

But unfortunately, catching the train in the morning forces you to think about it.

但不幸地，早上趕火車時，你一定會去想。

Everyone here is like :"Please, there's no space, we are so delicately positioned. You're f**king messing everything up."

每個人心裡都在想，「拜託，已經沒位置了，我們塞得這麼完美，你他 X 的會把一切搞砸。」

If you get rid of the bag, you can enter.

但如果你把包包丟掉，門就能關囉！

She's determined, though.

不過她非常堅決。

She fights for elbow space and she's in.

她努力為手肘擠出位置，然後她成功了！

You will see homosapiens with strange hairstyles, especially on buses.

你會看到頂著奇怪髮型的人類，尤其在公車上。

Don't stare though, just film it and put it on the internet.

但不要盯著看喔，只要錄下來、上傳到網路上就行了。

If you see a mouse crawl into a Sheila's cleavage, no questions, it's all normal.

如果你看見一隻老鼠爬進女生的乳溝，無須多疑，一切都是正常的。

Normal is whatever you make it on public transport.

在公共交通工具上，一切都會變正常。

Many people catch up on sleep when riding the train, have empathy, let them rest, eventually they'll faceplant the floor and wake up.

很多人在火車上會補眠，要有同理心、讓他們休息，讓他們的臉撞到地板後被嚇醒。

Or you can let a subway rat inform them as to when their stop is coming up.

或是你可以在他們該下站時，讓地鐵上的老鼠告知他們。

That bloke will never sleep peacefully again.

這白癡再也無法安心睡覺了。

Hey, woah, hey, wah, woah...

嘿、天啊！什麼鬼！

Communication can break down between humans when they're confined to tight spaces.

在狹窄空間裡，人類的對話會瓦解。

(screaming)

(尖叫)

Don't take it personally, just stay calm, focus on the end goal.

別太介意，保持冷靜，專注在最後目標。

One day you will get off the train.

有天你也會下車的。

Some wankers treat shared spaces like a bedroom.

有些笨蛋把公共空間當成自家臥室。

I'm an open-minded bloke, but yeah nah, keep the horniness to a minimum everyone.

我是很開放的白癡，但還是別吧，為了大家好，把色情程度降到最低。

Feet, you're gonna see feet, whether you like it or not, f**king feet.

腳！不管想不想，你注定會看見他 X 的腳。

You'll see more bare feet than you do in a Tarantino movie.

地鐵上出現的腳比昆汀電影裡的還多。

Because using public transport requires waking up early, you don't always have time for self-care at home, so f**king give your nose hair a trim during the commute.

因為需要早起才能搭公共交通工具，你不見得有時間在家整理儀容，所以他 X 的在通勤時，好好地剪鼻毛吧！

This is a major advantage of not having a car.

這就是沒有車子的重大優勢。

There's a time traveling knight.

有個穿越時空的騎士。

He's on a mission to retrieve modern clothes and take them back to the Middle Ages.

他正在出任務，要把現代衣服帶回中世紀。

It's a basic research op.

這是基本的研究場所。

There's Pennywise, definitely be careful staring at him.

啊，潘尼懷斯在那裡，要注意別盯著他看。

There's a robot, he's waiting to meet up with the knight to exchange research notes.

這裏有隻機器人，他正等著見騎士來交換研究筆記。

This fella is like "no way is coronavirus f**king coming near me."

這傢伙表示，「新型冠狀病毒連我一根寒毛都他 X 的碰不到。」

I dunno what this costume is.

我也不懂他的服裝是怎樣。

It's gotta be an original one.

這一定是最原版的。

It's not an Avenger.

不可能跟復仇者聯盟有關。

No way.

不可能啦！

Someone has shed their entire skin.

有人把身上所有皮膚都拔了。

That is as gross as trimming your nose hair or cutting your toenails.

這就跟剪鼻毛、剪腳趾甲一樣噁心。

Free live music is a huge perk of using public transport.

免錢的 live 音樂是公共交通工具的大優勢。

He is loving it.

他超愛的啦！

(playing guitar and singing)

(彈吉他、唱歌)

Actually he's thinking "I better get my f**king car back from the mechanic tomorrow."

事實上他正在想，「我最好明天就要把他 X 的車，從技師那開回來。」

You're not gonna get any work done on a train.

你才不會在火車上完成什麼工作咧！

Quit pretending.

不要假裝了！

Quit pretending you're being productive to shame the rest of us.

不要裝作你比較有生產力來讓其他人羞愧！

Just sit there like everyone else.

就好好坐在那裡，當個正常人。

You can sleep, you can suck a face, cut ya bloody toenails, I don't care, but do not pretend to work.

你可以睡覺、吸別人的臉、剪該死的腳指甲，我根本不在乎，但不要假裝你在工作。

That is the worst behaviour.

那是最糟糕的行為。

Oh yeah everyone thinks they're an acrobat on the handrails, don't they?

喔很好啊，每個人都覺得自己用拉環就能變特技演員，對吧？

Yeah nah what a backflip!

多麼好的後空翻哪！

Nailed it mate.

伙子，你成功做到了。

Spiderman is the only one that can get away with doing cool moves in a carriage.

蜘蛛人是唯一能在車廂裡耍酷的人。

Yeah, go Spidey, it's ya birthday.

很棒啊蜘蛛俠，今天就是你生日！

Gonna party like it's ya birthday.

就開趴吧，當作是你生日！

Ok, this guy can get away with it too.

好吧，這傢伙也能成功耍酷。

That's all.

就只有他跟蜘蛛人可以。

(cheering)

(尖叫)

Yeah this is quality free entertainment.

對嘛，這才是有品質的免錢娛樂！

When public transport entertainers nail it, they genuinely nail it.

當公共交通工具上的娛樂家成功時，他們是真的成功。

There's a pair of undies, and a couple of empty mini bottles of whiskey.

這裏有一條內褲，和幾瓶小的威士忌空罐子。

There's a story.

這肯定有個故事。

There's a story here and your best bet is to never know that story.

這裏有個故事，不過你最好永遠不要知道內容。