Then, as you get to know them over a few years or maybe it's only been a few months, but the challenges you face start tearing you guys apart.

然後，當你們認識了彼此幾年或只是幾個月之後，你發現有些問題開始使兩人的關係出現裂痕。

They call these growing pains, but when does the pain stop and why does it feel like you're shrinking instead?

他們說這是磨合期必經的過程，但它何時能夠停止？而且為什麼你反而還感覺自己變得畏縮了？

Are you wondering where you and your partner went wrong?

你在煩惱情侶之間到底是哪裡開始出錯了嗎？

Here are 10 common relationship mistakes.

這些是交往時會犯的十大常見錯誤。

One, you take your partner for granted.

第一，你把你的伴侶視為理所當然。

Psychologists Susan Whitburn says it's too easy to dismiss the people you're closest to because you expect them to be there no matter what.

心理學家 Susan Whitburn 說，我們太容易就會忽略身邊的人，因爲我們總是以為他們無論如何都不會離開。

Although it's great that you trust your partner to stick around on the bad days, it doesn't mean you have to force them to sync with you each time.

雖然信任你的伴侶會在你難過的時候陪著你、安慰你是一件好事，但這並不代表你應該逼迫他們每次都這麼做。

In the long run, selfish behavior only results to resentment.

長期來看，自私的行為只會得到憤怒的回應。

Two, you overstep your partner's boundaries.

第二，你越線了。

No one's perfect, not even your soulmate, so when you don't leave room in your relationship to show your flaws, it can easily lead to relationship dissatisfaction.

沒有人是完美的，即使是你的靈魂伴侶也是一樣，所以當你不容許任何缺陷出現在關係中的時候，它可能會累積成不滿的情緒。

Professor Lee from the University of Toronto, (shout out to our Canadians) discovered that people who view relationships as a perfect unity have a worse relationship than those who see it as a journey of growing.

多倫多大學的李教授發現把交往視為完美結合的人，他們的情侶關係都不如把交往視為成長過程的人。

Three, you play the assumption game.

第三，你太習慣做假設。

Have you ever been upset because someone jumped to the wrong conclusion?

你有沒有曾經為別人亂下定論而生氣？

Dating and relationship coach, Broke Bergman said that this happens all the time in a relationship when we assume we know what our partners need, but sometimes, not knowing can be humbling and asking never hurts.

約會和交往關係的輔導員 Broke Bergman 說在情侶交往中常見的情況是，我們會去假設自己知道伴侶需要什麼，但時常不知道也是謙虛的表現，況且問一下也沒什麼關係。

Four, you and your partner avoid conflict.

第四，你避免和你的伴侶起衝突。

There's a difference between a happy relationship and being happy every day, and more often than not, establishing that healthy fulfilling relationship includes fighting.

每天都開開心心並不代表你們的交往關係是幸福的，事實上，通常建立一個良好、健康關係的過程包含了爭吵。

Five, you obsess and fight over everything.

第五，你太堅持，且會為任何事吵架。

On the other hand, if you swing to extreme and get mad over the small details, this can also be bad for the relationship.

另一方面，如果你成為另一個極端而總是為小細節生氣，對關係也是不好的。

Before reacting, take a step back and consider whether your partner's actions are true deal breakers.

在爭論前，退一步想想，你的伴侶的行為是否真的有那麼糟。

Six, your happiness depends too much on being with your partner.

第六，你過度將自己的幸福寄託在你的伴侶上。

Asking for help is good when you're being honest about your needs, but if you need to consult your partner before making every decision, you'll forget to be your own person.

尋求幫助是好的，因為你誠實地展現了自己的需要，但如果你每件事都要問伴侶的意見，你會忘了如何獨立自處。

Seven, you constantly question your relationship.

第七，你不停地懷疑自己的交往關係。

Do you think about what problems your relationship will face before they actually occur?

你會不會一直去想交往中可能會發生的問題，甚至在它們發生之前就開始煩惱呢？

Constantly ruminating will only bring you to a dark place when you could be using that time instead to talk things out with your partner.

這樣的反覆思考的只會將你帶入負面的情緒中，但其實你可以把那些時間用來好好與你的伴侶溝通。

Eight, you keep score in your relationship.

第八，你為自己的交往關係打分數，

Psychology professor and relationship expert Marissa Cohan, sees this one happen a lot.

心理學家兼交往關係的專家 Marissa Cohan 發現這是一個常見的現象。

When you obsess over keeping things equal with your partner, whether it means exchanging gifts or doing favors, you no longer focus on the relationship.

當你在像是交換禮物或是幫忙彼此的時候執著於兩人間的公平性，你關注的就不是你們兩個的關係了。

Instead, it's about you.

你關注的是你自己。

Nine, you stop being kind to each other.

第九，你們不再對彼此好了。

Based on his studies, psychologist John Gottman can predict with up to 94% of certainty, which couples will be either broken up, or still happy and together many years down the road.

從心理學家 John Gottman 的研究中，它能以 94% 的準確率預測哪些情侶會分手、哪些能在多年後仍維持快樂的情侶關係。

It all comes down to one factor, kindness.

這都與一個因素有關——善意。

The minute you show contempt for your partner, the less likely you already are to work things out.

在你對伴侶表現的不屑一顧之後，你們就更不可能維持好關係了。

Ten, you feel hopeless and give up on the relationship too soon.

第十，你太快對自己的關係感到絕望而放棄。

Social media often shows you the sweet side of the relationships; the handholding, adorable pecks on the cheeks and anniversary celebrated.

社群網站常常都只會展示交往中美好的那一面：牽手、親臉頰的可愛畫面，或是慶祝紀念日的景象。

But, behind the scenes, it takes hard work and commitment to keep the flame living.

但在那背後，兩人還需付出很多努力、承擔很多責任才能維持兩人之間的感情。

You give up too soon when the going get's tough, you also miss out on building resilience together.

當你在困難的時候馬上放棄的同時，你也失去了一起建立更堅固關係的機會。

Which of these relationship mistakes do you often run into and what would you like to do differently now?

你常常在交往中犯的是哪些錯呢？之後你會想怎麼改變呢？

Please share your thoughts with us down below.

你可以在下方告訴我們你的想法。

Don't forget to subscribe to our channel as well.

別忘了訂閱我們的頻道。

With your help we can reach more people and provide more support.

有了你的支持，我們就可以影響、鼓勵更多人。

Thanks for watching!

感謝觀看！