is probably of the biggest fears that people have in life.

或許是人生中最大的恐懼

We imagine being very old, having no spouse

我們想像自己變老、沒有配偶

or significant other to love us

或生命中重要的人愛你

and there's no one there to take care

當自己逐漸邁向死亡時

of us when we are slowly dying.

也沒有人照顧

To avoid this fear of ending up alone,

為了防止孤獨死的恐懼發生

many people will select a partner

很多人會找個

who may not be right for them.

也許不太適合自己的伴侶

They think to themselves, this person is good enough

他們心想：「這個人已經夠好了

even though I don't truly love them,

即使我不是真的愛她

I won't die alone if I just stick with this one person."

如果一直跟這個人在一起，我就不會孤獨死了」

This is ironic though, because selecting

選擇伴侶很重要，因為如果

the wrong love partner will likely lead to divorce.

你選錯了人，最後很有可能離婚

In the USA, 41% of first marriages end in divorce.

在美國，首次婚姻中有百分之 41 以離婚收場

60% of second marriages end in divorce

二次婚姻中有百分之 60 以離婚收場

and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.

第三次婚姻中有百分之 73 以離婚收場

One of the reasons why I think the divorce rates

我認為離婚率之所以那麼高的其中一種原因是

are so high, is because most people don't understand

他們不知道該

how to love their partner and they also don't understand

怎麼愛自己的另一半、也不知道

how they themselves like to receive love.

另一半想要接受的愛

A very famous marriage counselor names Gary Chapman

知名的婚姻顧問格里．查普曼

wrote a book called The Five Love Languages

在他的著作《愛之語》

and he said, "Every single problem

提到：「一段關係中

in any relationship can be tracked back

產生的所有問題，都和

to these five love languages."

這五種「愛的語言」有關

So here are the five languages.

以下是五種「愛的語言」

Words of affirmation, quality time,

「肯定的言詞」、「精心的時刻」

receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

「接受禮物」、「服務的行動」以及「身體的接觸」

One of the reasons why I have such a great relationship

我和女友的感情和睦的其中一種原因是

with my girlfriend is because we have

我們擁有相同的

the same primary love language, which is physical touch.

主要「愛的語言」，也就是「身體的接觸」

We both can just sit around for hours,

我們可以坐在一起好幾個小時

just holding each other without having to do

膩在一起、不需要特定活動

or think much but something else

也不用想太多，但有件事對我來說

that is very important to me is quality time.

很重要，那就是「精心的時刻」

Quality time means giving someone your undivided attention

「精心的時刻」意思是，將目光全部專注在另一半身上

with absolutely no distractions

不被任何事物分心

like checking your Twitter, Instagram,

像是查看推特、IG

Facebook or your email.

臉書或是電子郵件

To me, this is very important but for her,

對我來說，「精心的時刻」很重要，但對她來說

she really needs words of affirmation

她很需要「肯定的言詞」

like me telling her that I love her,

像是告訴她我愛她

how pretty she is, how much she means to me,

她有多美、她對我來說有多重要

that kind of thing.

這類事情

But just because words of affirmation

雖然「肯定的言詞」

are not that important to me, I don't make the mistake

對我來說沒那麼重要，但我也不會犯

of not giving her those words of affirmation

沒給她「肯定的言詞」這種錯誤

because I love her and I know that's how she likes

因為我愛她，也知道她喜歡接受

to receive love and if I don't do these things,

這種形式的愛，也知道如果我沒稱讚她的話

she will feel like that I don't love her

她可能會覺得我不愛她了

or I'm losing interest in her.

或是變心了

The whole point here is to find out

重點是，找到

what your partner's needs are and to make sure

另一半的需求，並確認

that you both speak the same primary love language

雙方擁有相同的主要「愛的語言」

because if you guys speak totally different love languages,

這是因為雙方的「愛的語言」完全不同的話

it's hard for a relationship to work out.

感情會很難維持下去

Of course, you can learn your partner's language

當然，你可以了解另一半的「愛的語言」

and you can start speaking it but in my opinion,

並滿足她的需求，但我認為

it is probably just easier to pick someone

找個跟自己一樣、使用相同

who speaks the same language as you

「愛的語言」的另一半，會容易得多

but I do believe anything is possible.

但我相信愛有無限可能

I don't think giving love in a way

我不認為使用自己主要「愛的語言」

that is not in your primary love language

之外的「語言」

will grow resentment towards your partner.

會隨時間對另一半由愛生恨

Of course, you guys can have slight differences

當然，你們可能會有些差異

and you may be more than one out of the five love languages,

也許在五種「愛的語言」中，你的「語言」不只一種

like in my personal example but it all comes down

像我個人的例子一樣，但關鍵都是

to understanding yourself and understanding

了解自己，並了解

your partner's needs.

另一半的需求

Take the time to really try and understand

花些時間嘗試，並了解

what makes your partner tick and what makes them happy.

對方的「愛的語言」，以及喜愛的事物

If you do this, I can promise you

如果你試過這個方法，我保證

that it will improve your relationship drastically.

你和另一半的感情會快速加溫

If you enjoy this video, please make sure

如果你喜歡這部影片，記得

to subscribe because I make videos every single week.

訂閱，因為我每週都會上傳新影片

I'll see you in the next one.

下部影片再見