going to talk about those questions like: so why aren't you married yet?

教你如何面對一些問題，像是「你怎麼還沒結婚？」

And why don't you have any kids? What happened with your divorce?

「妳怎麼不生小孩」、「你為什麼離婚了？」

Or... so why did you leave your country?

或是「你為什麼要離開你的國家？」

If you've ever had to deal with an uncomfortable awkward or intrusive question,

如果你曾經被問過這類尷尬又惱人的問題

then in today's video we're going to talk about how to deal

今天的影片就是要教你如何

with those questions politely in English.

有禮貌地用英文來對付它們

One of the biggest difficulties when speaking another language is how to

當你在說第二外語時，其中一個最大的難關就是

answer or deal with uncomfortable questions. Now honestly when someone asks

如何應付這些讓人不舒服的問題。老實說，當某人問你這種

you a question that really isn't polite or appropriate, they know it.

不太禮貌的問題時，他們其實都知道的

They know that it's nosy and that they shouldn't ask it.

他們都知道這樣問很多管閒事，而且他們也不該過問這些問題

In fact, in English we often use phrases like

在英文裡面，我們通常會使用些片語來作為開頭，像是

I know I shouldn't ask this but...

「我知道我不該多問，但...」

I know I shouldn't ask this but why don't you have kids?

「我知道我不該多問，但你怎麼還不生個孩子？」

Or I hope you don't mind me asking...

或是「我希望你不要介意我問個問題...」

I hope you don't mind me asking but what happened in your divorce?

「我希望你不要介意我問個問題，但你怎麼離婚了？」

If you hear someone using those phrases

如果你聽到有人這樣問問題

they know they're asking a question that isn't polite.

他們都知道他們在問不該問的問題

The challenge is how do you respond and this is why it's difficult.

而困難之處就在於你該如何回應

In your native language you totally know what to say.

如果用你的母語的話，你就會知道該怎麼應對

You could make some kind of joke or say something like

你可能可以開自己玩笑或

hey that's none of your business! Which we do say in English.

像是在英文裡，我們就會說：「嘿，這不關你的事吧！」

But when you're doing it in a second language

但當你使用第二外語時

you're not so comfortable about making the jokes and

你就沒辦法這麼自然地開玩笑，

you might feel really embarrassed in the situation, you're surprised by the question

在那樣的情況下你很可能也會感到很尷尬，因為這些問題會讓你覺得很傻眼

and honestly you just don't know what to do.

而且你甚至會不知道該怎麼辦

You want to change the topic or answer the right away but it doesn't make you feel comfortable.

你會想要換個話題或馬上回答敷衍過去，但這就是讓你覺得不舒服

But in today's Confident English lesson you'll have several

而在今天的「自信開口說英文」，我們會教你一些

strategies that you can use to politely and kindly deal with those questions in

可以禮貌又溫和對付這些問題的對策

a way where both of you can leave the conversation and feel happy or you can

可以讓你直接結束對話，或也可以讓你

continue the conversation on a totally different subject. But first there's one thing

在接下來的聊天裡轉換話題。但首先

you need to know and that is you don't have to answer an uncomfortable or awkward question!

你要知道是，你並不用回答那些失禮又惱人的問題

If someone asks you something and you don't feel very good about it,

如果有人問一些讓你不太舒服的問題

you don't have to answer it.

你可以不用回答他

So let's talk about some ways that you can deal with that situation.

現在讓我們來學學可以處理這些情況的方法吧

Strategy number one: play at their own game.

策略一：以其人之道，還治其人之身

Now I only recommend this strategy if you're talking to someone that

這個策略我只建議用在當你跟

you know well and you see them regularly and you can control your intonation in English.

你很了解的人或是你常見到的人時來使用，而且你也要能夠控制你的語調

Now if you need practice with intonation

如果要練習語調

I actually have a fantastic lesson on that and

我有一部討論語調的教學影片，

I'll be sure to include a link at the bottom of this lesson below the video.

我會把連結放在影片下方

But when you play at their own game,

當你使用「以牙還牙，以眼還眼」的招式時

you are repeating a really difficult or uncomfortable question back to them and

你就是在將這個困難又尷尬的問題丟回去給對方

you might say something like well how much do you weigh or

你可以反問「那你體重幾公斤啊？」或是

before I answer that question you tell me why don't you have kids.

「在我回答你之前，你也說說看為什麼你也不生孩子吧？」

But to do that correctly,

但要將這招發揮得好，

you need to make sure that your intonation doesn't sound angry or upset.

你必須讓自己聽起來不像在生氣或是煩躁

You want it to be a little bit playful and light. So again you need to

你只是想要輕鬆地鬧著玩，所以再次強調

be in control of that intonation and I recommend that it's with someone that

你要控制好你的語調，而且最好是用在

you see regularly or you know well—maybe it's a neighbor or someone that you work with.

跟你很常見面的人或交情不錯的人身上，像是你的鄰居或同事等等

Now if you're not comfortable playing with the language and asking an

那如果你不太會這樣開玩笑或不喜歡

inappropriate or uncomfortable question back, then here are four other strategies

反問對方這些不禮貌的問題，我們接著就要介紹另外四個

that are really simple and polite to use.

簡單又有禮貌的策略

First, simply address it politely and you can say something like:

策略一 (策略二)，有禮貌地拒絕回答，像是：

I'm sorry I really don't want to answer that.

「不好意思，我真的不太想回答這個問題。」

You know I'd rather not talk about that or you know I'd rather not talk about that here

「我不太想談這件事。」，或是「我不太想在這裡談這件事，

maybe we can go to lunch sometime and talk about it.

或許改天我們可以一起吃個午餐，我到時再跟你說。」

Sorry can we talk about something else

「不好意思我們可以聊點別的嗎？」

And finally, I'm not really comfortable answering that. All of those examples are

或直接說「我覺得這個問題讓我有點困擾。」，以上這些例子

perfectly polite and it's a great response to an uncomfortable question

在當面對那些惱人的問題時，都是非常禮貌的回答

and then you can immediately end the conversation if you want or ask a

這樣你就可以自己選擇是否要馬上結束你們的對話，或你也可以

different question and change the subject.

問問其他問題來換個話題

Now number two: you could be much more direct,

策略二 (策略三)：你可以更直接地拒絕

and this might be better if someone asks a particularly nosy or intrusive question,

這個用法適合用在有人問你非常私人且冒犯的問題時

something that really isn't appropriate.

像是那些他們真的不該問的事

For example: That's really personal I'm not going to answer that.

你可以說：這是很私人的問題，我不想回答

Or that question makes me really uncomfortable I'm not answering it.

或是說：「這個問題讓我不太自在，我不想回答。」

I'm gonna pretend you didn't just ask me that.

「我會裝作你也常常這樣問別人。」

Where I come from I was taught not to ask those kinds of questions.

「我從小就被教導不該問這類的問題。」

As I said, those are much more direct, but it does let the person know that

就像我說的，這種回答方式更加直接，但也可以讓人知道

what they asked wasn't okay and again you don't have to answer it if you don't want to.

他們問的問題很不恰當，而再次提醒，如果你不想回答就別回答

Now let's imagine that someone continues to ask you this uncomfortable question

那我們現在試想有個人繼續問你這些問題

they won't let you say no, they won't let you push the question away, then it might

如果他們硬要你回答也不准你迴避問題，

be appropriate to call them out. In other words you are directly letting them know

那最適合的做法就是把話說開了，換句話說就是直接讓他們知道

that what they are doing is not okay.

他們這種行為很不妥當

For example: I can't believe you're asking me that. It's really not appropriate.

你可以說：「我真不敢相信你會問我這種問題，這很失禮欸！」

It's not okay to ask that kind of question.

「問這種問題很不妥當。」

That's a really rude question. Or finally, you could even just ask them

「問這種問題很冒犯他人。」，或你甚至可以問他們

why they need to know—why do you need to know that? Why are you asking me?

「為什麼你要知道？你幹嘛知道這些？你為什麼要問我這種問題？」

And the truth is, there isn't a reason why. They don't need to know.

但事實就是，其實也沒什麼原因，他們根本就沒必要知道

The final strategy you can use is to brush it off like a joke.

最後一個策略是把問題當成笑話一笑置之

You can laugh a little bit, make a joke out of it

你可以笑一笑、打哈哈

and then continue the conversation without answering the question.

接著就忽略那個問題，並繼續你們的對話

This strategy again is all about your intonation

這個策略的精隨也在於你的語調

so if you remember that very first strategy where we talked about

還記得我們講的第一個策略

asking an inappropriate question back, just like that we really need to control your intonation.

「以其人之道，還治其人之身」也需要控制好你的語調

You want your voice to be light and friendly, polite as you make a joke

你必須讓你的口氣聽起來輕鬆友善

and then move on to a new topic.

接著就轉換到下一個話題

Some common phrases that we use to make a joke out of inappropriate questions

我們用來化解這些惱人問題的短句有：

are things like: That's for me to know and you to find out.

「而這個答案就交給你自己去找囉！」

Why don't I just give you my diary? My lips are sealed, my lips are sealed.

「我乾脆直接給你我的日記好了？」、「我的口風很緊的。」

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to leave you in suspense on that one forever.

「關於這個問題，我恐怕要吊你一輩子的胃口了。」

Now in today's video I've given you those five strategies of

今天的影片，我提供了五個關於

how to deal with uncomfortable questions, and I shared with you

如何應對讓人不舒服的問題的策略，也分享了

some of the common expressions and phrases that native speakers say,

一些英文母語使用者常用的表達方法和短句

things that I say when someone asks me a question I don't want to answer

以及當別人問我不想回答的問題時，我會回應的方式

but the truth is there are so many options and in the online lesson today I've included

但除了這些之外，其實還有更多的應對方法，而在今天的線上課程，我也提供了

many more examples, so I recommend that you go to the online lesson and review

更多例句，所以我推薦你們去線上課程看看並複習

those other examples. The best way to really get comfortable and be prepared

其他短句。如果你真的要輕鬆自如並做好萬全準備來

for how to deal with an uncomfortable question is to review the online lesson

對付這些「不舒服」問題，最好的方式就是複習線上課程

and find one or two phrases that are easy for you to remember and

並找出一兩句對你來說比較好記

that you're comfortable saying.

而且你也敢講的片語

Practice saying them out loud so that when that happens in your real life—

練習大聲說出句子，在這個情況發生時—

hopefully it never does but if it does,

我是希望不要發生啦，不過一定會的

if you have a nosy neighbor or a colleague at work that gets a little too personal,

如果你有個愛打聽八卦的鄰居或喜歡問你私事的同事

you know exactly how to deal with it in a polite and kind way

以後你就會知道該如何有禮又友善地應對

so you both end the conversation happily.

而且雙方都能開心地結束話題

Now as always I do have a couple of challenge questions for you and

跟之前一樣，我今天也有幾個想問你們的問題

I would love to hear from you on these topics:

我希望可以聽聽大家對這個主題的看法

number one have you ever had a situation in English

第一個問題是你有沒有曾經

where someone asked you an inappropriate question?

被某人用英文問過這種令人困擾的問題？

If so what did you do about it did you use a strategy like what we

如果有的話你當時是怎麼應對的？是用像我們今天

talked about today or maybe you had another strategy that you've used.

討論的這些策略嗎？還是你有其他的妙招？

I would love to hear about it and you might have an experience that can help someone else.

我很樂意聽聽大家的想法，而且你的經驗也許也能幫助到其他人

The best way to share with me and with the Confident English Community is in

要跟我和「自信開口說英文」的大家分享經驗最直接的方法就是

the comment section of the online lesson.

在線上課程的留言區留言

The second question I have for you is

第二個問題是

what is one expression or phrase that was new for you today in this lesson?

在今天的課程中，你有學到哪個新的表達方法或短語？

Now if you enjoyed today's lesson, don't forget to give it a thumbs up on YouTube

那如果你喜歡今天的課程，別忘了在 YouTube 上按個讚

and share it with friends or colleagues on Facebook.

並分享到 Facebook 給你的朋友和同事

Thank you so much for joining me and

謝謝你今天的參與

I look forward to seeing you next time for your Confident English lesson.

期待在下一次的「自信開口說英文」跟大家見面囉！