Glad you asked.

很高興你終於問了

I've just come home from a long day of work.

在一整天忙碌的工作我終於回到家

I had a crap load of meetings.

我開了一堆會議

I had a million emails from my boss.

我老闆寄給我幾百萬封電子郵件

I had a ton of spreadsheets I had to update.

我有一堆的表單等著我更新

Do you know what I didn't have today?

你知道我今天缺了什麼嗎？

What?

啥？

A single * text from you!

一封你的訊息！

I knew you'd be busy.

我知道你會很忙啊

Let me get this straight...

讓我釐清一下...

At no point today did you feel the need to check up on me

今天一整天你完全都不覺得你需要問問我如何

or just tell me you love me?

或只是告訴我你愛我？

Well let me explain

讓我來好好解釋

what happens inside my head

我的小腦袋瓜

when I don't hear from you all * damn day long!

在一整天都沒聽到你任何訊息會發生什麼事！

Stage 1 I begin to worry

第一階段，我開始會擔心

that something happened to you.

你是不是發生什麼事了

Stage 2 I begin to think of you home with another woman.

第二階段，我開始在想你是不是跟別的女人在家亂來

Stage 3 I prepare to find you home with said woman.

第三階段，我準備好要把你們抓姦在床

Stage 4 I talk myself off that ledge

第四階段，我說服自己你不會亂來

by eating my weight in peanut M&M's.

透過無視體重吃一堆 M&M 花生巧克力

Stage 5 I feel extreme guilt for eating so much,

第五階段，我為自己暴飲暴食感到極度罪惡

so I go through an entire self-loathing battle

所以我陷入一個厭惡自己的深淵

where I finally decide to aim my frustration

最後我決定轉移我的情緒

towards you.

到你的身上

Stage 6 I finally decide

第六階段，我最後決定

I'm going to be the bigger person and say nothing

我要當個豁達的人，什麼都不說

and just slam all the doors in the houses

只把家裡所有的門都甩過一遍

so that you finally ask me,

所以你會問我：

"What's wrong?"

「發生什麼事了？」

This is not healthy.

這太不健康了

You can't be bothered

你難道都不能

to send a simple text

傳一封短短的訊息

saying, "I love you babe."

只是說：「我愛你寶貝。」

I don't have to text you all the time

我不需要一整天都傳訊息給你

to let you know...

只為了讓你知道...

I'm gonna let you sleep on that.

你就給我好好反省吧