we are BlimeyCow's favorite band, Pompton Lakes,

我們是 BlimeyCow 最喜歡的樂隊，Pompton Lakes，

and you're watching Messy Mondays.

而你正在觀賞 Messy Mondays

Hi Jordan!

哈囉 Jorden！

(theme music)

(主題音樂)

A few weeks ago, we talked about

幾個禮拜以前，我們談論過

ten things that you should never say to a girl

10 件你千萬不能和女生說的事情

(ding)

叮

Because we all know that guys

因為我們都知道男生

need all the help that they can get.

需要得到所有的幫助

But you know, girls say some pretty dumb stuff

不過你知道嗎？女生有時候也會對男生

to guys too sometimes.

說一些非常白目的話

So in the interest of fairness,

所以為了公平起見

here's ten things that you should never say to a guy.

這裡是 10 件你不應該和男生說的事情

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

「沒事啊，我很好。」

No! Tell me what's wrong!

不！告訴我你怎麼了！

I want to understand!

我想要了解！

And I can tell that you might not want to talk about it

我看得出來你現在不太想要談論這件事

right now, but, can't you see that

不過，你看不出來

I'm at least trying to make an effort here?

我嘗試付出努力嗎？

Give me something!

告訴我一些什麼！

"Does this make me look fat?"

「我這樣看起來胖嗎？」

Lose/lose situation,

這是個雙輸的局面，

the fact that you're asking means

事實上你會這樣問代表

you probably think it does.

你可能覺得這樣看起來很胖

So either we confirm how you feel,

所以要嘛我們就確認你的想法，

or you think we're lying.

要不你就覺得我們說謊

When, in actuality, you probably actually

當，你可能其實

look really good.

看起來很不錯

"Here - just let me do it."

「拿來－讓我自己做吧！」

Nothing defeats a man's spirit more than hearing:

沒有什麼比聽到：「拿來－讓我自己做吧！」

"Here - let me do that."

更可以擊敗一個男人的男子氣概了

You think that you're just trying to get a task done

你覺得你只是要最有效率、最快的

as efficiently and fast as possible,

將一個工作完成，

but what I hear is this:

但我聽到的弦外之音是：

"Clearly you're unable to do a job as simple as the dishes,

「很明顯地你無法將一個像洗碗一樣簡單的工作做好，

I'll deal with this,

那麼我就自己來吧，

you can walk away and just

你可以走開然後去

think about how incapable you are."

想想自己多沒用。」

"You are so sweet! How do you not have a girlfriend?"

「你人真好！怎麼可能沒有女朋友？」

Because you won't date me!

因為你不和我約會啊！

"You're going to make some girl

「你將來會讓某個女孩

really happy someday."

非常地快樂。」

Let me demonstrate what this statement feels like

讓我示範一個男生在聽到這種說法時

to a guy when he hears it:

的感覺是什麼：

Kelly here is going to act as a metaphor

Kelly 在這裡要扮演的是一個象徵

for this statement entering

當這種說法進入

into a man's eardrums. Okay.

一個男生的耳裡時的樣子，好嗎？

Watch carefully

看仔細了

(punch)

(重擊)

(strangled moan)

(壓抑的呻吟)

"Does this outfit show too much skin?"

「這件衣服太露了嗎？」

Girls, this one is awkward for us guys,

女孩們，這個問題對我們男生來說是很尷尬的

cause it makes us have to admit that

因為這讓我們不得不承認

we notice stuff like that.

我們注意到這些事情

There is no right answer!

根本就沒有對的答案！

Just...don't put us in that position.

就...不要把我們放在這樣的狀況當中

"You're like a brother to me."

「你就像我的哥哥一樣。」

The feeling is not reciprocated.

這個感覺不是互相的

Because, if we were related,

因為，如果我們有親戚關係，

my feelings for you would be

我對你的感情在 49 州

illegal in forty-nine states

都會是不合法的

...I looked it up.

...我查了一下

"So what are you thinking?"

「所以你覺得怎麼樣？」

This can be very dangerous.

這可能會很危險

Hey, what're you thinking about?

嘿，你在想什麼？

Uh, well, you see...

呃，你知道的...

I just saw that commercial for the museum

我剛在電視上看到那個

that was on TV

博物館的廣告

and then that made me think about the planetarium,

那讓我想到了天文館

and then that made me think about Star Wars,

然後讓我想到了星際大戰，

and then that made me think about

又讓我想到

if there are going to be real wars in space

如果太空發生了真正的戰爭

like, for real one day,

像，真的有一天，

and then that made me think about

那讓我想到

the current conflicts in the Middle East

目前在中東的衝突

and then that made me wonder

於是那讓我懷疑

if those are even justified by-

如果那些是合理的－

That commercial was like, two seconds ago...

那只是一個兩秒鐘前的廣告...

...I know.

...我知道

"Um, you don't have to do that for me,

「呃，你不必為我這麼做，

do you think that I'm incapable of

你覺得我自己沒辦法

opening the door myself?"

開門嗎？」

Obvs you are capable of opening a door for yourself.

你當然有辦法自己開門

I'm just trying to be a nice guy!

我只是想做個好人

"My ex used to do that, too."

「我前男友以前也會這樣做。」

No one likes hearing about how they compare

沒有人喜歡聽到自己被拿去

to your former flame.

和前任做比較

Ugh, are you going skateboarding again?

吼，你又要去玩滑板了？

My ex used to do that all the time.

我前男友以前也常常玩滑板

You know, maybe you should cut your hair,

你知道嗎？你或許應該剪頭髮，

my ex had long hair,

我前男友就是留長髮，

and I hate him.

我恨他

I think you wear the same deodorant as my ex.

我覺得你用的體香劑和我前男友一樣

That's confusing...

那讓我有種混淆的感覺...

This is over!

一切都結束了

The end!

結束

So there you go!

所以就是這樣！

Now everyone knows

現在每個人都知道

what not to say to everybody else!

不能和別人說的是什麼！

I just fixed communication between the genders.

我補救了兩性之間的溝通

To recap:

回顧一下：

Guys, don't be an idiot,

男生們，不要做個笨蛋，

and girls, give us a break.

還有女生們，放我們一馬吧！

You're welcome.

不用客氣

Don't mind us.

不要管我們

We're just playing the most important game of our lives.

我們只是在玩人生中最重要的遊戲