Do you strive for excellence and test the limits of your own endurance?

你會追求卓越和測試自己的極限嗎?

If so, you're the ideal candidate to drink our flavored solution of salt, sugar and water.

如果你符合上述條件，你就是喝這瓶只是鹽、糖跟水的混合物的最佳人選

If you're not an elite athlete,

如果你不是優秀運動員,

a regular diet of salted, sugar water may contribute to obesity or high blood pressure,

把攝取加了鹽的糖水當成日常飲水，可能造成肥胖及高血壓

but we'd still like you to drink it.

但我們還是希望您繼續喝啦

As the elite athlete market alone is too small to support our business,

因為只針對優秀運動員的市場實在是太小了，根本無法支撐我們的生意

a solution of salt, sugar and water

這個加了鹽、糖跟水的混合物

is also helpful if you have a hangover,

在你宿醉的時候也很有幫助

extreme diarrhea,

或是超嚴重腹瀉

or just wanted to feel marginally less guilty about drinking a soda,

或者只是對想減少喝汽水的罪惡感也很有幫助啦

we promise our flavored solution of salt, sugar and water

我們保證我們這瓶加了鹽、糖及水的混合物

will temporarily satisfy

會暫時滿足

your obsolete, caveman brain's insatiable desire for sweets.

滿足你那未進化完全的穴居人大腦對於甜食的過度渴望

That's because it contains the same amount of

這是因為這瓶飲料

sugar as a can of Coke and enough salt to kill a banana slug.

含糖量和一罐可樂差不多，也有足夠的鹽量可殺死一隻香蕉蛞蝓.

And only Horton brand combines three secret ingredients

Horton品牌是唯一結合三種秘密配方

with bitchin' flavor names for a placebo effect that you can taste.

配很酷口味的名字讓你品嘗的時候你有被安慰到的效果

We also put words on the bottle

我們還有在瓶子上寫一些字

that seem connected to the idea of health,

那些字好像跟健康很有關聯

but actually means sugar and salt

但實際上只是在指糖及鹽啦

words like electrolytes

例如「電解物」之類的字

fuel

「燃料」啦

power

「力量」啦

vitamin

「維他命」

and cooldurance.

以及「cooldurance」

I made up that last one.

最後一個字是我自己發明的啦

Anyway, here's someone running on a treadmill

無論如何，這有個人在跑步機上

attached to sensors.

身上連了一堆感應器

This does an excellent job of illustrating

這個完全的說明

the type of thing that is not part of our process.

這部分跟我們的研發過程其實一點都沒關係啦

Most professional athletes today

大部分的職業運動員

don't even drink salted, sugar water unless we pay them to.

如果我們不付錢給它們，他們甚至連這瓶鹽、糖的水的混合物都不喝

You'd think they wouldn't need

你們覺得他們應該不需要

the extra money

這種多餘的錢

but they've ruined their bodies for your entertainment

但他們其實為了你的娛樂毀了他們自己的身體

and they must take what they can

所以他們必須拚死命地賺錢

before their spine degrade into a fine powder.

在他們的的骨頭退化成一堆粉之前

ahh, mehh

啊~~

Kinda chalky

有點乾乾粉粉的感覺

Horton flavored solution: salt, sugar and water.

Horton的鹽、糖、水的加味混合物

This year there's a purple one called Panther Rain.

今年推出了一瓶紫色的飲料叫「黑豹暴雨」

That's what I call a slam dunk

這就是所謂的扣籃啦

And Roger with the pick! arghhhh

Roger搶到球了! 啊~~~

I'm Roger, by the way.

順便提一下，我是Roger.