Name: 劉易斯-布萊克問："拉布布到底是什麼？| 每日秀 (Lewis Black Asks, “What the F**k Is a Labubu?” | The Daily Show)
Uploaded: 2025-10-01T00:34:20.000Z
Duration: 6 min 43 s

If you're like me, you have a deep and empty void in the middle of your soul.

如果你和我一樣，你的靈魂深處會有一個深深的空洞。

Most of us fill it with things like booze and drugs and Timothee Chalamet gossip.

我們中的大多數人都會用酒精、毒品和蒂莫西-夏拉梅的八卦來填滿它。

I hear one of his nipples is shaped like a crescent moon.

我聽說他的一個乳頭形狀像新月。

But other people fill their holes with useless crap like this.

但其他人卻用這樣無用的廢話來填補自己的漏洞。

What's Fuzzy got nine teeth and has people going absolutely crazy?

福茲有九顆牙齒，讓人們為之瘋狂的是什麼？

It's a collectible vinyl and plush monster elf.

這是一個具有收藏價值的乙烯基和毛絨怪物精靈。

They're only a few inches tall and they're at the intersection, as you said, of toys and of fashion.

它們只有幾英寸高，就像你說的，處於玩具和時尚的交匯點。

And many collectors will clip them onto their belt loops or onto their bags.

許多收藏者會把它們夾在腰帶上或包裡。

People waiting on long lines for hours just to get their hands on the little monsters.

人們排了幾個小時的長隊，就是為了得到這些小怪物。

And why do I have to spend what little time I have left knowing what they are?

為什麼我還要用我所剩無幾的時間去了解它們是什麼？

這只是一個嗑了藥的天線寶寶。

They're what Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks Jews look like.

他們就是馬喬裡-泰勒-格林眼中的猶太人。

When I was young, we had the pet rock, but at least you were able to smash yourself in the head when you realized you paid $5 for a rock.

在我小的時候，我們有寵物石頭，但至少當你意識到你花了 5 美元買了一塊石頭時，你可以砸自己的腦袋。

So now that I know what a La Boo Boo is, go ahead and show me something that finishes off my faith in humanity.

現在我知道拉布布是什麼了，那就繼續給我看一些能讓我對人類失去信心的東西吧。

The so-called monsters are sold in blind boxes, meaning you don't know what La Boo Boo is inside.

所謂的怪獸是以盲盒形式出售的，也就是說，你不知道里面裝的是什麼 La Boo Boo。

Part of the appeal is that surprise element and the chance to unbox one of the rarer secret dolls.

它的吸引力之一就是驚喜元素，以及有機會打開其中一個罕見的祕密玩偶的盒子。

Does anyone remember when adults used to act like adults?

還有人記得成年人曾經像成年人一樣行事嗎？

They only screamed because they had PTSD from World War II or Paul McCartney farted on them.

他們尖叫只是因為他們有二戰創傷後應激障礙，或者保羅-麥卡特尼在他們身上放了個屁。

So now that these shrinking idiots have secured their La Boo Boos, it's time to find even more unhealthy ways to spend their money.

現在，這些縮頭烏龜已經拿到了他們的 "La Boo Boos"，是時候找到更多不健康的方式來花他們的錢了。

There are entire stores dedicated to accessorizing those little demon dolls down to the designer.

有整整一家商店專門為這些小惡魔玩偶配飾，甚至連設計師都不放過。

Places like Mochi Donut in Plainville allow you to buy clothes to customize your La Boo Boo, from simple outfits to brands like Prada.

在普萊恩維爾的 Mochi Donut 等地，您可以購買衣服來定製您的 La Boo Boo，從簡單的服裝到 Prada 等品牌，應有盡有。

Even David's Bridal got in on the action with a matching wedding dress for the big day.

就連 David's Bridal 也加入了這一行列，為大喜之日準備了配套的婚紗。

I can't wait for the traditional father La Boo Boo dance.

我等不及要跳傳統的父親拉布布舞了。

I mean, imagine it's your wedding night and your bride shows up with a matching La Boo Boo.

我的意思是，想象一下，在你的新婚之夜，你的新娘帶著配套的拉布布出現在你面前。

Let's hope Prada makes a La Boo Boo strap on.

希望 Prada 能推出 La Boo Boo 系列的揹帶裝。

But these furry couples better watch their back because people are willing to do anything for a La Boo Boo.

不過，這些毛茸茸的情侶最好小心點，因為人們願意為拉布布做任何事。

La Boo Boo, the summer's most sought after toy at the center of a crime wave.

La Boo Boo，今夏最受追捧的玩具，成為犯罪浪潮的中心。

Someone stole my La Boo Boo off my purse yesterday.

昨天有人從我包裡偷走了我的拉布布。

It got literally snatched from my purse and I didn't even know it.

它真的從我的錢包裡被搶走了，而我卻渾然不知。

She's holding a little knife, like you know those pocket knives where you could just slash something off?

她拿著一把小刀，就像你知道的那種小刀，你可以直接把東西割下來？

She was literally holding it and it was aimed at my La Boo Boo.

她真的拿著它，對準了我的拉布布。

Take, take my kidney, but not the La Boo Boo.

拿走，拿走我的腎，但不要拿走拉布布。

Look lady, if something is highly coveted, don't leave it out in dangling.

聽著，女士，如果某樣東西是你夢寐以求的，就不要讓它懸空。

Have you learned nothing from Lenny Kravitz's penis?

你就沒從萊尼-克拉維茨的小弟弟中學到什麼嗎？

So yes, the La Boo Boo craze has gotten so out of hand there are people willing to risk jail time to get one.

沒錯，"拉布布 "的熱潮已經到了一發不可收拾的地步，有人為了得到一個 "拉布布"，不惜冒著坐牢的危險。

Imagine finding out your cellmate was a La Boo Boo thief.

想象一下，發現你的獄友是拉布布小偷的情景。

Even a serial killer would be like, I put human skin on my face, but this guy gives me the creeps.

即使是連環殺手也會說，我把人皮貼在臉上，但這傢伙讓我毛骨悚然。

Now this entire obsession with La Boo Boo's makes me think we're finally and mercifully entering end times.

現在，對 La Boo Boo's 的痴迷讓我覺得我們終於仁慈地進入了末世。

And it turns out some people agree with me.

事實證明，有些人同意我的觀點。

Someone came up with a theory the dolls are linked to an ancient demon known as Pazuzu.

有人提出了一個理論，認為玩偶與一個名叫帕祖祖的古代惡魔有關。

That's not La Boo Boo, it's Pazuzu, maintaining their haunted and demonic.

那不是 La Boo Boo，而是 Pazuzu，保持著他們的鬼魅和魔性。

Some La Boo Boo lovers, while they're not taking any chances, they're actually performing their own baptismal or cleansing rituals to rid the La Boo Boo of any bad juju.

有些 "拉布布 "愛好者在不抱任何僥倖心理的同時，還舉行了自己的洗禮或淨化儀式，以消除 "拉布布 "身上的晦氣。

沒錯，撒旦回來了，大家都回來了。

So naturally people are at home giving baptisms to their La Boo Boo's and to think I felt silly sitting shiva when my Tamagotchi died.

是以，人們自然會在家為他們的拉布布洗禮，想想我的玉兔死的時候，我覺得坐在殯儀館裡很傻。

Personally, I think these people need an exorcist.

我個人認為，這些人需要一個驅魔師。

The power of Christ compels you to get a job.

But if people will pay for stupid, I can give them stupid.

但如果人們願意為愚蠢買單，我可以給他們愚蠢。

Introducing my officially branded Louis Black, Lou Boo Boo's.

介紹一下我的官方品牌路易-布萊克，Lou Boo Boo's。

Available in angry, very angry and horny.

有憤怒、非常憤怒和角質三種。

And so now in conclusion, give me your money assholes.

最後，把你們的錢給我，混蛋們。