Name: 我一生都在與心理戰作鬥爭... (I Fought This Psychological Battle My Whole Life…)
Uploaded: 2025-05-16T03:49:53.000Z
Duration: 11 min 30 s

There is an incredible scene in the show Shogun, and it highlights a psychological battle I have fought my whole life.

幕府將軍》一劇中有一個令人難以置信的場景，它突出了我一生都在進行的一場心理鬥爭。

未來簡單式

So in this video, I want to share what exactly that battle is, how it ruins most people's lives, and three questions that I used and recommend you use that will help you to avoid that outcome and change your life for the better.

是以，在本視頻中，我想與大家分享這場戰鬥到底是什麼，它是如何毀掉大多數人的生活的，以及我使用並建議大家使用的三個問題，它們將幫助你避免這種結果，並讓你的生活變得更好。

祈使句型

But let's get back to Shogun, because this will all make a lot more sense when you watch that battle play out on screen.

但讓我們回到《幕府將軍》，因為當你在螢幕上看到那場戰鬥時，這一切都會變得更有意義。

So in this scene, we have John Blackthorne, who is this Englishman, and he is shipwrecked in Japan in the early 1600s.

在這個場景中，約翰-布萊克索恩是一個英國人，1600 年代初他在日本遭遇海難。

我是英國人，伊拉斯謨號的駕駛員。

And he's talking with his interpreter, Mariko.

Now, Mariko is miserable because she is living her life entirely for other people.

現在，真理子很痛苦，因為她的生活完全是為了別人。

She's married to this guy that she just hates and has gotten so bad that she does not want to live.

她嫁給了一個讓她恨之入骨的男人，情況已經糟糕到她不想活了。

So Blackthorne, being this Western explorer individualist, says this to her.

於是，身為西方探險家個人主義者的布萊克索恩這樣對她說。

When I watched this scene, I was nodding along in total agreement, because this is my philosophy.

當我看到這一幕時，我完全贊同地點點頭，因為這就是我的理念。

Trying to please others and live up to social expectation has basically felt like a prison for as long as I can remember.

從我記事起，試圖取悅他人、不辜負社會期望基本上就像一座監獄。

But Mariko's response to him, I swear, it made my heart drop.

但丸子對他的迴應，我發誓，讓我的心都碎了。

If freedom is all you ever live for, you will never be free of yourself.

如果自由是你生活的全部，那麼你將永遠無法擺脫自己。

I want to say bars here, but I'm too old for that.

我想在這裡說酒吧，但我太老了，不適合說酒吧。

Because yes, I can confirm, maximal freedom can easily turn into an insatiable pursuit of more, more, more.

因為是的，我可以確認，最大限度的自由很容易變成對更多、更多、更多的貪得無厭的追求。

而這一步可能需要 100 億美元。

And I eventually want to be the anchor of the first trillion dollar company.

我最終想成為第一家市值上萬億美元的公司的主心骨。

You're just going to make yourself more and more thirsty.

Like, when I set my first goals, quitting the job that I'd hated, starting my own business, working on my charisma, that was all so thrilling, so fulfilling. 10 out of 10, definitely, definitely recommend doing that.

比如，當我設定第一個目標時，辭掉我討厭的工作，開始自己的事業，努力提升自己的魅力，這一切都那麼令人激動，那麼充實。滿分10分，絕對絕對推薦你這麼做。

But there came a point where that way of being expired.

但這種生活方式總有一天會過時。

And setting new ones for more revenue or more subscribers felt empty.

為了獲得更多收入或更多訂戶而設定新的目標，感覺很空虛。

My first goal was, say, 100,000 and then a million.

我的第一個目標是 10 萬，然後是 100 萬。

And I just watched the goalposts get moved while my satisfaction with the completion of those goals did not rise.

我只是眼睜睜地看著目標被移動，而我對完成這些目標的滿意度卻沒有提高。

But with no worthy goals to orient me, I was also rudderless and lost.

但是，沒有有價值的目標為我指明方向，我也沒有舵，迷失了方向。

I had all of this freedom and nothing worthy to do with it.

我擁有這一切的自由，卻沒有任何值得去做的事。

So like Mariko said, I was in a prison of my own making.

所以，就像麻裡子說的，我被關在了自己製造的監獄裡。

And that's when I started to wonder, what if Blackthorn and Mariko are both right?

這時我開始想，如果黑刺和丸子都是對的呢？

What if the real trap is thinking that we have to choose one or the other?

如果真正的陷阱是我們必須二選一的想法呢？

I've lived thinking about that for years at this point, and I've gone back and forth trying to figure it out.

在這一點上，我已經想了很多年，來來回回想了很多遍。

One moment, it was believing, Mariko's right.

一瞬間，我相信了，丸子是對的。

Maybe freedom leads nowhere, so just get back to helping other people and find meaning in that.

也許自由無處安放，那就回去幫助別人，從中尋找意義。

And then the next, I would swing all the way back to the Blackthorn.

接下來，我會一路搖晃著回到黑荊棘。

Maybe I hadn't aimed my personal ambition high enough.

也許是我的個人抱負不夠高遠。

It's been years of me going back and forth in that, and I want to let you know what I've come up with because it feels really good.

多年來，我在這方面反反覆覆，我想讓你們知道我的想法，因為這感覺真的很好。

I believe that many of us grew up like Mariko.

我相信，我們中的很多人都是像丸子一樣長大的。

We thought that if there was any social disharmony, it was our fault.

我們認為，如果社會不和諧，那就是我們的錯。

So we adjusted ourselves to try to make things in our families and friend groups go more smoothly.

是以，我們調整自己，努力讓家庭和朋友圈裡的事情更順利。

That meant doing whatever we had to in order to fit in and be liked.

這意味著我們必須不擇手段，才能融入社會，得到別人的喜歡。

So we developed these functioning social relationships by becoming what other people wanted from us.

是以，我們通過成為別人想要的人，發展了這些正常的社會關係。

這是一種超級自我驅動的生活。

The question that we're constantly asking in this way is, what should I be doing or what will make the people around me like me more and love me?

我們經常這樣問的問題是：我應該做什麼，或者怎樣才能讓周圍的人更喜歡我、愛我？

現在，這種方法可以奏效一段時間。

它能讓你建立穩固的人際關係。

But it will feel awful at some point, Mariko can attest.

但在某些時候，感覺會很糟糕，丸子可以證明這一點。

So I, and many others, snap to the other direction.

於是，我和其他許多人都折向了另一個方向。

I'm going to do what I want, which means separating from our prior group in some way.

我要做我想做的事，這意味著以某種方式脫離我們之前的團隊。

It was only when I studied abroad that I created that space to break out of the sweet, shy boy identity because if you don't do that disconnection in some way, the expectations of the people around you are usually too heavy for you to break out of and embrace the freedom to define yourself.

只有當我出國留學時，我才創造了打破甜美、害羞男孩身份的空間，因為如果你不以某種方式打破這種關係，周圍人對你的期望通常就會太沉重，讓你無法掙脫，無法擁抱定義自我的自由。

But I do think that that phase that I went through of living your life ferociously separate from the expectations of others, that Blackthorn way of living, is a coping strategy.

但我確實認為，我所經歷的那個階段，即與他人的期望截然分開的生活，那種黑荊棘式的生活方式，是一種應對策略。

Just like the strategy of doing whatever it takes to fit in, that Mariko way is a coping strategy.

就像為了融入社會而不擇手段的策略一樣，丸子的方式也是一種應對策略。

First, we're anxious Marikos, then we're avoidant Blackthorns.

首先，我們是焦慮的馬里科人，然後是迴避的黑荊棘人。

And we become that Blackthorn avoidant because living as Mariko hurts so much.

我們變成了那個躲避黑刺的人，因為活成丸子的樣子太痛苦了。

But living separately hurts too, so most people spend their lives tipping back and forth, ping-ponging between these strategies, and they only shift when one extreme hurts too much just to repeat the cycle over and over again.

但是，分開生活也會造成傷害，所以大多數人一生都在這些策略之間來回切換，乒乒乓乓地打轉，只有當一個極端傷害太大時，他們才會轉變策略，週而復始。

And so I got turned off to the whole process of trying to grow past a certain point of enough.

是以，我對努力成長到一定程度的整個過程失去了興趣。

Except, and I hope that you have experienced these, there are those few precious moments where you're doing exactly what you want and it winds up being what is most valuable for other people.

除非，我希望你也有過這樣的經歷，有那麼幾個珍貴的時刻，你在做自己想做的事，結果卻成了對別人最有價值的事。

If you think of this as a Venn diagram with Blackthorn and Mariko, self and other, there is that little sliver of overlap in the middle and when you hit it, it is the most amazing feeling and it usually comes as a surprise.

如果你把它想象成一個維恩圖，黑刺和丸子，自我和他人，中間有那麼一點點重疊，當你碰到它的時候，那是最奇妙的感覺，通常會讓你大吃一驚。

For instance, I had no plan to help anyone when I quit my job and moved to Brazil.

例如，當我辭職搬到巴西時，我並沒有打算幫助任何人。

I was just focusing on solving the biggest problem in my life which was relationships and still to this day, they are.

我只是專注於解決我生活中最大的問題，那就是人際關係，直到今天，它們依然如此。

But it was fun to share what I was learning with others at the time.

不過，當時與他人分享我所學到的東西還是很有趣的。

So I started writing and then making videos.

於是我開始寫作，然後製作視頻。

I'm here on Ipanema Beach answering reader questions.

我在伊帕內瑪海灘回答讀者的問題。

Ten years later, without even meaning to, I have made more of a positive impact doing that, what I wanted, than I'd ever imagined and it all happened while I was living my own dream.

十年後，在我無意間，我做了自己想做的事，產生了超乎想象的積極影響，而這一切都發生在我實現自己夢想的時候。

Charlie, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of millions of people have benefited from your work.

查理，成千上萬的人從你的工作中受益。

But actually, as I look back and I really think about it, it wasn't an accident.

但實際上，當我回過頭來仔細想想，這並不是一個意外。

I actually think that's inevitable because when you align with what is most important to you, it is impossible not to be of service to others.

事實上，我認為這是不可避免的，因為當你與自己最重要的事情保持一致時，就不可能不為他人服務。

That means that there is this way to combine the best of Mariko and Blackthorn where following your deepest, very personal desires is the greatest offering to the group.

這就意味著，有一種方法可以將 Mariko 和 Blackthorn 的精華結合在一起，在這種方法中，追隨自己內心深處最強烈的個人願望就是對集體最大的奉獻。

The magic of this is that that thin slice of the Venn diagram can grow.

這樣做的神奇之處在於，維恩圖的薄片可以不斷擴大。

And that way, over time, just doing what you want lazily can become a gift to others, to your relationships, to your livelihood.

這樣一來，隨著時間的推移，懶洋洋地做自己想做的事，就會成為送給他人、人際關係和生活的禮物。

That way, you get more connected, you get more wealthy, and more fully yourself.

這樣，你就能獲得更多的聯繫、更多的財富和更完整的自我。

That is the freedom that I've always wanted and I believe it is actually the way the world works.

這就是我一直想要的自由，我相信這就是世界的運行方式。

The catch is that you have to really connect with the deep you.

但問題是，你必須真正與內心深處的你建立聯繫。

That means deeper than your surface-level ego desires.

這意味著比你表面的自我慾望更深層次。

It's fine if you want money or status but from what I've seen, I am most able to feel truly free when I step out of my survival fears that more, more, more money, more status, more whatever, and I drop into the things that I truly want.

如果你想要金錢或地位，那也沒有問題，但據我所見，當我走出生存的恐懼，不去想更多、更多、更多的金錢、更多的地位、更多的什麼，而是投入到我真正想要的東西中時，我最能感受到真正的自由。

And I found that there are three orienting questions that help me get on that path to my deepest wants.

我發現，有三個定向問題可以幫助我走上這條通往內心深處願望的道路。

So ask yourself right now, what would I do if I had $100 million?

所以，現在問問自己，如果我有 1 億美元，我會怎麼做？

This is the question that led to me moving to Brazil in the first place.

正是這個問題促使我來到巴西。

Second question, what would I do if I knew I couldn't fail and no one would be upset with me?

第二個問題，如果我知道自己不會失敗，也不會有人對我不滿，我會怎麼做？

When you break out of this, there's no social expectation and this led to me throwing myself into uncomfortable social situations.

當你突破了這一點，就沒有了社交期望，這導致我把自己扔進了不舒服的社交場合。

The third, what gift do I most love giving?

For me, it's that I basically wanted to be a big brother to myself so I want to help versions of me that are three to five years younger.

對我來說，我基本上想成為自己的大哥哥，所以我想幫助比我小三到五歲的孩子。

These questions are so powerful because they take you out of the fear that has you bouncing from anxious, people-pleasing to avoidant, withdrawing.

這些問題之所以如此強大，是因為它們會讓你擺脫恐懼，這種恐懼會讓你從焦慮、討好別人到逃避、退縮。

You're not back and forth with this Mariko Blackthorn dilemma of being imprisoned by the other and then yourself.

你不會在黑棘麻裡子的兩難境地中來來回回，一會兒被對方囚禁，一會兒又被自己囚禁。