Name: 總是被發好人卡？不要總是試圖做個好人 (Stop Trying to Be Nice All the Time)
Uploaded: 2022-06-04T21:01:20.000Z
Duration: 3 min 16 s

It's natural and beautiful to strive to be a nice person.

想努力成為好人很自然，也蘊含著美意。

In a world full of cruelty and thoughtlessness, nice people are committed to being generous, sympathetic, and gentle.

在這個充滿殘酷和暴力的世界裡，善良的人致力於成為慷慨、富有同情心且溫和的人。

They never want to cause anyone to feel defeated or to lose sleep.

他們從不希望讓任何人感到挫敗或失眠。

They will go to great lengths to spare others tears.

Nevertheless, it seems impossible to go through the whole of life being nothing but kind.

儘管如此，一生中都全然善良似乎是不可能的。

Sooner or later, we are all called upon to take decisions that, even as they protect things we very much care about, will ruffle feathers, generate upset, and may lead us to be⏤at least for a time⏤violently hated in some quarters. 

遲早，為保護自身非常關心的事物，我們都會被迫做出使人心煩意亂、不安，並可能導致自己在某些方面、至少一段時間受到強烈憎恨的決定。

We might, for example, have to tell a romantic partner that, in spite of our deep affection for them, we don’t see ourselves being together for the long term. 

例如，我們可能需要告訴自己的另一半，儘管對他們有深厚的感情，但對方並沒有在自己的未來規劃中。

Or we might have to tell a child that it’s now bedtime and that there can be no more stories.

或者我們不得不告訴孩子，現在是睡覺時間，不能再唸故事給他聽了。

Or we might have to explain to a colleague that we don’t see them fitting into a team and that they might be better off looking for opportunities elsewhere. 

或是不得不向同事說，他們其實不太適合這個團隊，最好去其他地方另尋職缺。

Such situations can be agony for committedly nice people.

這種情況對致力保持「善良」的人來說可能很痛苦。

There are great temptations to delay the moment of truth or avoid it altogether. 

他們很可能拖延或完全避開說出實話。

The nice still, deep down, hope that they might⏤while always smiling and agreeing⏤stay friends with everyone.

好人內心深處仍希望自己能總是笑臉迎人、配合的與每個人保持朋友關係。

Their distinctive sensitivity has often been fostered by childhoods in which the consequences of being honest and forthright were especially difficult. 

他們獨特的敏感度往往是在童年時期培養出來的，那時，坦誠及直率的代價十分巨大。

They might have had a parent who flew into a rage or threatened suicide whenever an awkward idea was laid before them⏤

他們的父母可能不順心時，轉瞬就暴跳如雷或以死相逼。

perfect preparation for an adulthood in which there appears to be no option but to tell everyone what they want to hear. 

這塑造了這些人成年後，認為自己別無選擇，只能告訴大家他們想聽的話。

However, being truly nice involves something nicer than constant agreement and emollience.

然而，想成為真正的「好人」要做到的不只是一昧妥協。

It means signaling to others what one’s value system is and sticking by it, even at the occasional cost of public opposition.

你必須向他人表明自己的價值觀，並堅定自己想法，即使這代表自己偶爾會站在大眾的對立面。

It means taking on the burden of telling others where we stand and ruining their afternoon or month in order to save their long-term future and our own.

這意味著你得告訴別人自己的立場，毀掉他們那天的下午，甚至整個月，以換取長期的利益、拯救未來。

It means accepting that there might be choices to be made between loyalty and sincerity, and effectiveness and bonhomie.

這也代表你可能得在忠誠及坦承、效率及友善間做出選擇。

Mature people have to come to terms with the tragic need to acquire something even more important than popularity: a character.

無可避免的，成熟的人必須擁有一個比受歡迎更重要的東西：個性。

Our book "On Confidence" walks us around the key issues that stop us from making more of our potential.

我們出版的《論自信》 書中會探討讓我們無法發揮更多潛能的核心問題。