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  • - This is Shelldor, The Conqueror.

  • We are about to enter Axel's fortress.

  • Now this is a long run, so let's do another bladder check.

  • (audience laughing) ♪ Math, science, history

  • Unraveling the mystery

  • That all started with the big bang

  • Bang

  • - How 'bout we go rock, paper, scissors?

  • - Ooh, I don't think so?

  • No, anecdotal evidence suggests

  • that in a game of rock, paper, scissors,

  • players familiar with each other

  • will tie 75 to 80% of the time

  • due to the limited number of outcomes.

  • I suggest rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - What?

  • - It's very simple.

  • Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock,

  • rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock,

  • Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard,

  • lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock,

  • Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has,

  • rock crushes scissors.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Okay. I think I got it.

  • - [Both] Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Penny?

  • (Penny knocking) - Sheldon?

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Penny?

  • (Penny knocking) - Sheldon?

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Penny?

  • (Penny knocking) - Sheldon?

  • - Penny?

  • - Sheldon?

  • - Penny? - Sheldon?

  • - Penny?

  • (audience laughing)

  • - What do you want?

  • - I need access to the Cheesecake Factory's walk in freezer.

  • - Yeah, honey, I already told you,

  • the hamburger meat is fresh

  • and stored at a safe temperature.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (Sheldon coughing)

  • (audience laughing)

  • (thermometer beeps)

  • - Oh dear God.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Leonard? (coughs)

  • Leonard, I'm sick.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Leonard? (coughs)

  • Leonard, I'm sick.

  • Leonard?

  • Leonard?

  • Leonard?

  • Leonard, my comforter fell down

  • and my sinuses hurt when I bend over.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (audience laughing)

  • - My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.

  • (audience groaning)

  • - Oh, my.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (audience laughing)

  • I've admired these for years.

  • - Does that mean we can go with the girls again?

  • - Hulk agrees to second date with puny humans.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Hey Shelley.

  • What ya doing?

  • - Size ratio was all wrong.

  • Couldn't visualize it. Needed bigger carbon atoms.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Sure, sure.

  • (audience laughing)

  • How did you get into this place?

  • - The back door has a five pin tumbler system,

  • single circuit alarm, child's play.

  • (audience laughing)

  • You can start sorting protons and neutrons

  • while I build carbon atoms.

  • - No, I don't think so.

  • We need to go home now.

  • - But I'm still working.

  • - If you don't come out of there,

  • I'm gonna have to drag you out.

  • - You can try, but you'll never catch me.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - For God's sake.

  • Sheldon, come here.

  • - Bazinga.

  • Bazinga.

  • Bazinga.

  • Bazinga.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Penny, Leonard.

  • Would you be able to answer some questions I'm having

  • about the events of last night?

  • (audience laughing) - Sure.

  • Question one.

  • Where are my pants?

  • (audience laughing)

  • - You might want to check YouTube.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - What do I search?

  • - It's already loaded. Just hit play.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - All right, people, let's get down to the math.

  • It is only three dimensional thinking

  • that limits our imagination.

  • Can I take my pants off over my head?

  • Of course not.

  • And my body's in the way,

  • but if we had access to higher dimensions,

  • we could move our pants

  • around our bodies through the fourth dimension

  • and our days of dropping trousers would be over.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Oh Lord.

  • This couldn't be any more humiliating.

  • - Oh, give It a minute.

  • (audience laughing) - Now for the astronomers

  • in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon.

  • (audience laughing)

  • And here's Uranus.

  • (air whooshing)

  • - Hey, Sheldon, you busy?

  • - I'm always busy.

  • This mind is capable of advanced multitasking.

  • Yeah, currently, I'm attempting

  • to solve the Penrose conjecture.

  • I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech

  • for when I've solved the Penrose conjecture,

  • and I'm wondering how mermaids have babies.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Don't they lay eggs on a rock?

  • - Now I've got room for another thing.

  • What do you want?

  • (air whooshing)

  • - Look, I know our winter thermostat setting is 72 degrees,

  • but I'm a little warm so I'm gonna turn it down.

  • (air whooshing)

  • (tense music) (audience laughing)

  • (air whooshing)

  • (sonic boom blasting)

  • (air whooshing)

  • - Good Lord, how you frustrate me, Leonard Hofstadter!

  • (audience laughing) (air whooshing)

  • - Sing "Soft Kitty" to me.

  • (audience laughing) (audience applauding)

  • - "Soft Kitty" is for when you're sick.

  • You're not sick.

  • - Injured and drugged is a kind of sick.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur

  • - Wait, wait.

  • Let's sing it as a round. I'll start.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur

  • So that's where you come in. I'll start over.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur

  • (audience laughing)

  • I've got all night, Sheldon. (audience laughing)

  • Soft kitty, warm kitty

  • Little ball of fur ♪ ♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty

  • little ball of fur ♪ ♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty

  • Purr, purr, purr ♪ ♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty

  • Purr, purr, purr ♪ (audience cheering)

  • (air whooshing)

  • - Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say,

  • but before I do, I just...

  • I want you to know that you don't have to say it back.

  • I know you're not ready and I don't want you to say it

  • just because social convention

  • dictates that- - I love you too.

  • (audience applauding)

  • - You said it.

  • - There's no denying I have feelings for you

  • that can't be explained in any other way.

  • I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite,

  • (audience laughing)

  • but that seems even more farfetched.

  • (audience laughing)

  • The only conclusion was love.

  • (Amy panting)

  • I know what's happening.

  • (audience laughing)

  • This is a panic attack.

  • Soccermama9 says to lie down with your feet elevated.

  • - Okay.

  • (audience laughing) - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

  • Just because I love you

  • doesn't mean girls are allowed in my room.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Okay, here.

  • (penny chuckles)

  • - I should note, I'm having some digestive distress.

  • (audience laughing)

  • So if I excuse myself abruptly, don't be alarmed.

  • Oh!

  • A napkin.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Turn it over.

  • - To Sheldon. Live long and prosper.

  • Leonard Nimoy.

  • (audience cheering) (audience applauding)

  • - Yeah, he came into the restaurant.

  • Sorry the napkin's dirty, he wiped his mouth with it.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy?

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Yeah, yeah, I guess.

  • But look, he signed it.

  • - Do you realize what this means?

  • (audience laughing)

  • All I need is a healthy ovum

  • and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy.

  • (audience laughing)

- This is Shelldor, The Conqueror.

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The Big Bang Theory | Best of Sheldon | HBO Max(The Big Bang Theory | Best of Sheldon | HBO Max)

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    Julianne Sung 發佈於 2021 年 09 月 22 日
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