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  • welcome to like, Oh, I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

    歡迎來到喜歡,哦,我是你的主人,斯蒂芬・科爾伯特。

  • I'm dying to find out how much of what I just said ends up in tonight's show.

    我很想知道我剛才說的那些話,最後有多少會出現在今晚的節目中。

  • Christmas is coming.

    聖誕節要來了。

  • Ladies and gentlemen, we're all looking forward to the miracle of Santa going all around the world in a single night.

    女士們,先生們,我們都在期待著聖誕老人在一夜之間走遍世界的奇蹟。

  • But you know, it's moving almost as fast a Santa Coronavirus.

    但你知道,它的移動速度幾乎和Santa Coronavirus一樣快。

  • I'll tell you all about it in my ongoing segment.

    我將在我正在進行的環節中告訴大家。

  • Catch a third wave analyst.

    抓住第三波分析師。

  • Bummer.

    無賴

  • Hey, everybody, I'm still here.

    嘿,大家好,我還在這裡。

  • Stop it!

    停下來!

  • Yeah, I think I was a little late over the weekend.

    是啊,我想我是有點晚了 在週末。

  • U S Cove in 19 hospitalizations hit another record high.

    19家醫院中的U S庫再創歷史新高。

  • Which is why we all need to protect each other by staying home where you can sit alone on your couch and hit a record high.

    這就是為什麼我們都需要保護對方,呆在家裡,你可以一個人坐在沙發上,創下歷史新高。

  • Hmm?

    嗯?

  • No, sir.

    不,先生。

  • Experts they're trying to help Americans brace for how bad things will get.

    專家們他們正試圖幫助美國人做好準備,以應對事情會變得多麼糟糕。

  • Take coronavirus response Coordinator Dr Deborah Berks, seen here explaining the plot of Alien V.

    以冠狀病毒反應協調員Deborah Berks博士為例,在這裡看到他在解釋《異形V》的情節。

  • Predator.

    掠奪者

  • Birks appeared on the meet the press yesterday and said that the winter surge would be the worst event in U.

    Birks昨天出現在媒體見面會上,並表示冬季潮將是美國最嚴重的事件。

  • S history.

    S歷史。

  • So sorry, celebrity.

    很抱歉,名人。

  • Imagine video.

    視頻影像。

  • Your time atop the throne is over.

    你在王座上的時間已經結束了。

  • Out, out brief candle now one major differences with the other most tragic events in American history.

    出,出短暫的蠟燭現在一個與美國曆史上其他最悲慘的事件有重大區別。

  • Back then, you didn't have a big chunk of the population saying it's a hoax.

    那時候,你沒有一大半的人說這是個騙局。

  • I mean, for Pete's sake.

    我是說,看在上帝的份上

  • Today, December 7th is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor.

    今天,12月7日是珍珠港事件紀念日。

  • You never heard FDR say this December 7th 1941 a date which will live in infamy because the Japanese air forces ah, hoax.

    你從來沒有聽過FDR說過1941年12月7日這個日子會因為日本空軍啊,惡作劇而臭名遠揚。

  • It's all a plot by the Vanderbilts to implant telegraph wires in your brain.

    這都是範德比爾特家族的陰謀,在你的大腦裡植入電報線。

  • One of the latest people affected is the president's lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, seen here pinching out a closing statement.

    最新受到影響的人之一是總統的律師魯迪-朱利安尼,在這裡看到他捏出了一份結束語。

  • Yesterday, we learned that Giuliani tested positive for coronavirus.

    昨天,我們得知朱利安尼的冠狀病毒檢測呈陽性。

  • Okay, for a man his age, it is a troubling diagnosis, but I have no doubt he will get the same top notch medical care the president did.

    好吧,對於他這個年齡的人來說,這是一個令人不安的診斷,但我毫不懷疑他將得到和總統一樣的頂級醫療服務。

  • Plus, you know, Rudy will stay hydrated.

    另外,你知道,魯迪會保持水分。

  • He drinks so many fluids, they leak out of his skull.

    他喝了太多的液體,他們從他的頭骨裡漏出來。

  • But it's not just Rudy who is at risk.

    但面臨風險的不僅僅是魯迪。

  • Giuliani has traveled extensively to battleground states in recent days and met with officials for hours at a time, without wearing a mask that is so reckless they willingly sat in the same room with Rudy Giuliani's teeth.

    朱利安尼近幾日廣泛前往戰場各州,與官員們一見如故,一見就是幾個小時,沒有戴上口罩,以至於他們心甘情願地與魯迪-朱利安尼的牙齒坐在同一個房間裡。

  • Not on Lee.

    不在李。

  • Has Giuliani gone massless?

    朱利安尼是不是已經無地自容了?

  • He's also tried to coax his own witnesses to take their masks off.

    他還試圖哄騙自己的證人摘下面具。

  • Miss Jacob, I don't want you to do this if you feel uncomfortable.

    雅各布小姐,如果你覺得不舒服,我不希望你這麼做.

  • But would you be comfortable taking a mask off so that people could hear you more clearly?

    但你能不能把口罩摘下來,讓別人聽得更清楚?

  • Can you hear me now?

    你現在能聽到我說話嗎?

  • Can everyone hear it?

    大家能聽到嗎?

  • Clearly we can hear, Phil.

    顯然我們能聽到,菲爾。

  • Way can hear you.

    辦法能聽到你。

  • Okay.

    好吧,我知道了

  • Are you sure you don't wanna take the mask off?

    你確定你不想摘下面具?

  • It just feels better without it.

    只是感覺沒有它更好。

  • The mass kills all the sensation.

    大眾殺死了所有的感覺。

  • Look, I bought you dinner.

    你看,我給你買了晚餐。

  • At least let me see your nostrils.

    至少讓我看看你的鼻孔。

  • No, no shaking your head.

    不,不搖頭。

  • I think it's perfectly fine.

    我覺得這很好。

  • Metaphor.

    比喻。

  • Typhoid Rudy is such a disease vector that the Arizona Legislature is closing for a week after he spent two days with massless GOP lawmakers.

    傷寒魯迪就是這樣一個病媒,以至於亞利桑那州立法機構要關閉一週,因為他和無獒的GOP立法者呆了兩天。

  • So for just a partial list of Rudy's achievements since the election, he has lost 48 lawsuits.

    所以,僅就魯迪自選舉以來的部分成績而言,他已經輸掉了48場官司。

  • He melted on camera, He farted in court, he got co vid and he shut down a state legislature.

    他在鏡頭前融化了,他在法庭上放屁,他被拍了下來,他還關閉了一個州議會。

  • The only thing more embarrassing would be if he married his own cousin.

    唯一更尷尬的是,如果他娶了自己的表妹。

  • He what?

    他什麼?

  • Oh, but that's okay.

    哦,但這沒關係。

  • Despite our oak or to keep talking.

    儘管我們的橡木還是要繼續說話。

  • Now we're gonna short time frame.

    現在我們要縮短時間框架。

  • Despite his lawyers.

    儘管他的律師。

  • Serious illness The president has vowed to continue the fight against democracy, and I'll give you the latest in my unfortunately ongoing segment.

    嚴重的疾病總統發誓要繼續反對民主的鬥爭,我將在我不幸的持續部分給你最新的資訊。

  • Ask con racist Sing this song.

    問CON種族主義者 唱這首歌。

  • Kurita Kurita ask contacts just loves Kim John I will not go away the road from the White House.

    慄田慄田問聯繫人只是愛金約翰我不會走的路從白宮。

  • There's been yet another huge blow to the president's coup attempt because just hours ago, Georgia re certified its presidential election results, once again finding Joe Biden as the winner following three counts of ballots.

    對總統的政變企圖又是一個巨大的打擊,因為就在幾個小時前,格魯吉亞重新認證了總統選舉結果,再次發現喬-拜登在三次計票後獲勝。

  • Well, like the saying goes, Third time's the same as the first and the second time on Lee.

    俗話說得好,第三次和第一次一樣,第二次對李。

  • Much more humiliating.

    更加羞辱。

  • Don't feel left out, Mr President.

    不要覺得自己被排除在外,總統先生。

  • Biden may have won the Peach State, but you got impeached and that will never go away.

    拜登也許贏得了桃州,但你被彈劾了,這永遠不會消失。

  • But it's the moment the president has been dreading to try to keep this from happening.

    但這是總統一直害怕的時刻,試圖阻止這一切的發生。

  • This weekend, the president called Georgia governor and Dennis Quaid with water damage.

    本週末,總統用水漬給佐治亞州州長和丹尼斯-奎德打電話。

  • Brian Kemp, the president, pressed Kemp to call a special session of the state Legislature for lawmakers to override the results of the election and instead appoint electors who would then back the president at the Electoral College.

    總統布萊恩-肯普(Brian Kemp)向肯普施壓,要求召開州議會特別會議,讓立法者推翻選舉結果,轉而任命選舉人,然後在選舉團支持總統。

  • I'm gonna say this is a rough time for those who have been assisting that he's not really an autocrat, because let's be clear here.

    我想說,對於那些一直在協助他不是真正的獨裁者的人來說,這是一個艱難的時刻,因為我們在這裡要清楚。

  • If you throw out the votes, that's the end of democracy.

    如果你把選票扔掉,那就是民主的終結。

  • It's a short walk from Do us a favor, though, to make me Mussolini, bro.

    幫我們一個忙,讓我成為墨索里尼,兄弟。

  • Thankfully, Kemp declined the president's request.

    值得慶幸的是,坎普拒絕了總統的要求。

  • That's understandable.

    這是可以理解的。

  • Atlanta's already burned once.

    亞特蘭大已經被燒過一次了

  • They're good.

    他們是好的。

  • Later that night, the president went to Georgia for a Maga rally, and while he complained about the election, he insisted, It's not just about him.

    當天晚上,總統去格魯吉亞參加馬加的集會,他一邊抱怨選舉,一邊堅持說,這不僅僅是他的問題。

  • We're all victims.

    我們都是受害者。

  • Everybody here, all these thousands of people here tonight.

    在座的各位,今晚在座的這幾千人。

  • They're all victims, every one of you, and they're packed together to rally, not wearing masks.

    他們都是受害者,你們每個人都是受害者,他們擠在一起集會,而不是戴著面具。

  • So if any of them aren't victims now, just wait 3 to 5 days.

    所以,如果現在有誰不是受害者,就等3到5天吧。

  • Then the sore loser tried to convince us that he's on Lee being a sore loser because he didn't lose on.

    然後,這個輸不起的人試圖說服我們,他在李是一個輸不起的人,因為他沒有輸上。

  • I have to say, if I lost, I'd be a very gracious loser.

    我不得不說,如果我輸了,我會是一個非常親切的失敗者。

  • If I lost, I would say I lost and I'd go to Florida and I take it easy and I go around and I'd say I did a good job, as opposed to how he spent his presidency going to Florida, taking it easy and saying he did a good job.

    如果我輸了,我會說我輸了,我會去佛羅里達州,我很輕鬆,我到處去,我會說我做得很好,而不是他如何度過他的總統任期,去佛羅里達州,輕鬆,說他做得很好。

  • But no Maga rally would be complete without one truly stupid ramble.

    但任何馬加爵集會,如果沒有一次真正愚蠢的漫談,就不完整。

  • Who does cucumbers around here?

    這裡誰做黃瓜?

  • Because I like cucumbers.

    因為我喜歡黃瓜。

  • Can I'm the only one.

    可以我是唯一一個。

  • I like cucumbers.

    我喜歡黃瓜。

  • Come on.

    來吧。

  • At this point, he's just testing what they'll applaud.

    在這一點上,他只是在試探他們會鼓什麼掌。

  • Because the only thing number that him bragging that he's the only one who loves cucumbers is the audience cheering for cucumbers.

    因為只有他吹噓自己是唯一一個愛吃黃瓜的人,觀眾才會為黃瓜歡呼。

  • Whoa!

    哇!

  • Yeah, cucumbers.

    是啊,黃瓜。

  • Whoa!

    哇!

  • They make pickles, Chop them up, chop them up.

    他們做的是泡菜,切開,切開。

  • I relish it.

    我樂在其中。

  • The president.

    總統。

  • I'm sweating right through this.

    我都快流汗了

  • Look at that.

    你看那個。

  • The president was supposed supposedly in Georgia to help the Republican senatorial candidates and their upcoming runoff elections.

    總統在佐治亞州應該是為了幫助共和黨參議員候選人和他們即將到來的第二輪選舉。

  • But he didn't seem that enthusiastic about him.

    但他似乎對他沒有那麼熱情。

  • You know, I don't do these things for other people.

    你知道,我做這些事情不是為了別人。

  • I don't like doing it for other people, I said.

    我說,我不喜歡為別人做。

  • David and Kelly called.

    大衛和凱利打電話。

  • Would you do a rally?

    你會做一個反彈?

  • I said, not really.

    我說,不是的。

  • I did 56 of them, kind of harsh and also his answer to Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

    我做了56個,有點苛刻,還有他的回答,你把這個女人當成你的合法妻子嗎?

  • Not really, I did 56 of them.

    不見得,我做了56個。

  • Things were incredibly close races in the general election.

    在大選中,事情是令人難以置信的接近的比賽。

  • So the January 5th runoff is really gonna come down to voter turnout, and the president wanted to make sure that all of his followers knew what day to show up.

    所以1月5日的第二輪選舉將取決於選民的投票率 總統希望確保他的所有追隨者都知道哪一天會出現。

  • Everything that we've achieved together is on the line on June 5th.

    我們一起取得的一切成就都在6月5日的線上。

  • That's right.

    是的

  • You listen to your president.

    你聽你的總統的話。

  • He's never wrong.

    他從來沒有錯過。

  • You must vote on June 5th for the rest of you.

    你必須在6月5日投票給你的其他人。

  • You might want to find out the actual election data.

    你可能想找出實際的選舉數據。

  • Better know a ballot dot com slash g a.

    最好知道一個選票點com斜槓g a。

  • The candidates in both runoff elections debated last night.

    昨晚,兩場第二輪選舉的候選人進行了辯論。

  • The more noteworthy of the two was between incumbent Georgia Republican and actor Who wants you to ask your doctor about irritable bowel syndrome?

    其中比較值得注意的是現任佐治亞州共和黨人和演員之間,誰要你問醫生腸易激綜合症?

  • Senator David Perdue against Democratic Challenger and bar Mitzvah Boy genuinely moved by his boobies.

    參議員戴維-珀杜對民主黨挑戰者和成人禮男孩的胸脯真心感動。

  • Toast Jon Ossoff.

    為喬恩-奧索夫乾杯

  • The last time these two men debated, this happened well.

    上一次這兩個人的辯論,就發生了好。

  • Perhaps Senator Purdue would have been able to respond properly to the Cove in 19 Pandemic if you hadn't been fending off multiple federal investigations for insider trading.

    如果不是你因為內幕交易而一直在抵禦聯邦的多項調查,或許普渡參議員就能在19大流行中正確應對庫。

  • It's not just that you're a crook, Senator.

    不只是因為你是個金光黨,參議員。

  • It's that you're attacking the health of the people that you represent.

    是你在攻擊你所代表的人的健康。

  • Can you look down the camera and tell the people of this state why you voted four times to allow insurance companies to deny US health coverage?

    你能不能看下鏡頭,告訴這個州的人民,為什麼你四次投票允許保險公司拒絕美國的醫療保險?

  • Because we may suffer from diabetes or heart disease or asthma or have cancer in remission?

    因為我們可能患有糖尿病、心臟病、哮喘病,或者癌症在緩解期?

  • Why, Senator Damn, Jon Ossoff just tore him a new asshole.

    為什麼,該死的參議員,喬恩-奧索夫剛把他的屁眼撕了個稀巴爛。

  • So all eyes were on last night's debate to see how Purdue was gonna fare in the rematch.

    所以所有的目光都集中在昨晚的辯論上,看普渡大學在複賽中的表現如何。

  • The candidates are Democrat Jon Ossoff.

    候選人是民主黨人喬恩-奧索夫。

  • He is CEO of Insight, T.

    他是Insight的CEO,T。

  • W I.

    W I.

  • A media production company.

    一家媒體制作公司;

  • Republican David Perdue has served in the U.

    共和黨人戴維-珀杜曾在美國。

  • S Senate since 2015.

    斯參議院自2015年起。

  • Senator Purdue declined to participate in this debate and is represented by an empty podium.

    珀杜參議員拒絕參加本次辯論,由一個空的講臺代表。

  • Wow, he didn't show, although I will say that Podium does have more personality than David Perdue.

    哇,他沒有出現,雖然我想說,Podium確實比David Perdue更有個性。

  • Of course, this kind of debate is not unprecedented in American history.

    當然,這種爭論在美國曆史上也不是沒有過。

  • Who can forget the classic exchange in the Lincoln Douglas debates when Lincoln said, a house divided against itself cannot stand toe, which Douglas replied, I am a chair in the midst of an unprecedented pandemic and a clear election, which the defeated incumbent still has not recognized reality.

    誰也忘不了林肯道格拉斯辯論中的經典交鋒,林肯說,一個分裂的房子不能站在自己的腳趾上,道格拉斯回答說,我是一把椅子,在一個前所未有的流行和明確的選舉中,失敗的現任者仍然沒有認識到現實。

  • The White House decided that today was the perfect time for the first lady Toe announced the completion of the new White House tennis pavilion.

    白宮決定,今天是第一夫人託伊宣佈白宮新網球館落成的最佳時機。

  • It's the only place Eric or Don Jr will ever hear the word love.

    只有在這裡,埃裡克和小唐才會聽到愛這個詞。

  • Now I will say it might be tough for this administration to find anybody to play with, because based on how they behaved since the election, the Republicans clearly don't have any balls.

    現在我要說的是,這屆政府可能很難找到任何人來玩,因為根據他們在選舉後的表現,共和黨人顯然沒有任何膽量。

  • In a statement, the first lady's statement did.

    在一份聲明中,第一夫人的聲明確實。

  • It is my hope that this private space will function as both a place of leisure and gathering for future first families.

    我希望這個私人空間既能作為未來第一家庭的休閒和聚會場所。

  • That's the closest we're going to get to a concession.

    這是我們最接近的讓步了。

  • She's admitting there will be future first families and gatherings.

    她承認未來會有第一個家庭和聚會。

  • Well, according to the White House, the construction of the new tennis building was funded by private donations.

    好吧,根據白宮的說法,新網球館的建設是由私人捐款資助的。

  • So when the campaign sent out emails begging for court money, technically they weren't lying.

    所以當競選團隊發郵件乞求法庭的錢時 嚴格來說,他們沒有說謊。

  • Now, if you watch the show and I hope you do, you might notice that I occasionally criticized this White House.

    現在,如果你看了這個節目,我希望你看,你可能會注意到,我偶爾會責備這個白宮。

  • But I'm honestly excited for this tennis thing because it gives me yet another reason to show this photo.

    但說實話,我對網球這件事很興奮,因為它給了我又一個展示這張照片的理由。

  • I also got to show that photo when we talk about sports athleisure wear and honey glazed hams.

    我們說到運動休閒裝和蜜汁釉面火腿的時候,我也要展示這張照片。

  • We've got a great show for you tonight.

    我們今晚為你準備了一場精彩的演出。

  • Meryl Streep is here.

    梅麗爾-斯特里普來了

  • Stick around.

    呆在這裡。

  • It's Meryl Streep, for Pete's sake.

    是梅麗爾-斯特里普,看在上帝的份上。

welcome to like, Oh, I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

歡迎來到喜歡,哦,我是你的主人,斯蒂芬・科爾伯特。

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