It's not very fun game.

這不是很好玩的遊戲。

I mean, personally, I prefer Qattan Michelle.

我的意思是，我個人更喜歡卡丹-米歇爾。

If you give me all of your work, I will be your surrogate.

如果你把你所有的工作都交給我，我就做你的代理。

When you're ready to have a baby, you can't do that.

當你準備要孩子的時候，你不能這樣做。

E my own body.

我自己的身體。

Thes wheels love making deals way more fun than boring ass telephone.

這些輪子喜歡做交易，比無聊的電話更有趣。

Did you just say I'm a loser?

你剛才說我是個失敗者嗎？

A lot of us don't stop playing telephone When we get into adulthood, some of us unknowingly employ a tactic called triangulation.

我們很多人都不會停止玩電話 當我們進入成年後，有些人不知不覺地採用了一種叫做三角關係的策略。

So triangulation is like the smarter cousin of gossip because it's manipulative behavior, whether or not it's intended to be.

所以，三角關係就像八卦中比較聰明的表哥，因為它是操縱行為，不管是否有意為之。

And I say girls in the title of this video, because in my personal life I've witnessed this a lot between female friendships.

而我在這個視頻的標題中說的是女生，因為在我個人的生活中，我經常目睹女性朋友之間的這種情況。

But you know, this message actually applies to everyone.

但你知道，這條資訊其實適用於所有人。

Everyone needs to stop triangulating.

每個人都需要停止三角關係。

Triangulation is where one person will not communicate directly with another person and instead use a third person to relay communication to the second, thus forming a triangle.

三角形是指一個人不會直接與另一個人溝通，而是利用第三個人向第二個人轉達溝通，從而形成一個三角形。

If you've never heard of this term before.

如果你從來沒有聽說過這個詞。

It's because it's mainly used in trauma informed therapy.

因為它主要用於創傷知情治療。

So intentional triangulation is what's most often discussed online and in mental health spaces, because it's a manipulation tactic used by narcissists.

所以故意三角法是網上和心理健康空間裡最常討論的，因為這是自戀者使用的一種操縱策略。

Dr.

博士

Ramani, a clinical psychologist you may remember from the podcast, describes triangulation as a psychological threesome you did not consent to.

拉馬尼是一位臨床心理學家，你可能還記得在播客中，他把三角關係描述為你沒有同意的心理三人行。

So, for example, in an abusive family dynamic, one kid is labeled the good kid, the other bad, and the narcissistic parent will play them against each other.

所以，比如說，在虐待型家庭動態中，一個孩子被貼上好孩子的標籤，另一個孩子被貼上壞孩子的標籤，自戀的父母會把他們對立起來。

So the kids are incentivized to be dishonest with each other in order to be accepted by the narcissist parent in a romantic relationship, the narcissist may bring in a third person like an X or a colleague to create insecurity and shift the power balance by telling you that they're ex wants them back now or their colleague just keep standing on them.

所以，孩子們為了被自戀的父母接受，在戀愛關係中，自戀者可能會帶著第三者，比如X或同事來製造不安全感，改變權力平衡，告訴你他們的前男友現在想讓他們回來，或者他們的同事就一直站在他們這邊。

Intentional triangulation can range in its subtlety, but ultimately it's about creating chaos, harnessing that chaos, to keep control and maintaining power in the relationship.

有意的三角關係可以在其微妙的範圍內，但最終它是關於製造混亂，利用這種混亂，以保持控制和保持關係中的權力。

But we're not all narcissists, so that's pretty relevant to us, right?

但我們並不都是自戀狂，所以這和我們很有關係，對吧？

Right?

對吧？

Today, I want to talk about unintentional triangulation, especially in front groups Now, even though triangulation in its nature is manipulation, we often do it without realizing it or intending to manipulate.

今天，我想說說無意的三角，尤其是在前面的群體中 現在，儘管三角的本質是操縱，但我們往往在不知不覺中就做了，或者有意操縱。

And none of us are bad for doing it.

而且我們做的都不壞。

We're usually motivated by pretty innocuous reasons.

我們的動機通常都是很無害的原因。

Like when I was a kid, I was definitely perpetuating on intentional triangulation because I was just so shy and awkward.

就像我小時候，我絕對是在有意無意的三角關係上延續，因為我實在是太害羞和笨拙了。

Mhm.

嗯

Hi.

嗨，我的天

What can I get you?

你要什麼？

Mhm.

嗯

She wants a cosmopolitan.

她想要一個國際化的人。

Okay, that would be money, money, money.

好吧，這將是錢，錢，錢。

Mhm.

嗯

She says Thank you.

她說謝謝你。

Tell her I said you're welcome.

告訴她我說了不客氣

Be okay.

沒事的

Message receipt by seriously, I could not talk to strangers to save my life.

資訊接收者認真，我不能和陌生人說話，以挽救我的生命。

I made my brother by me.

我讓我的兄弟由我。

So many cosmopolitans in my youth.

我的青春裡有那麼多的宇宙人。

In addition to being shy, we may employ this because we're afraid of confrontation.

除了害羞之外，我們還可能因為害怕面對而採用這種方式。

Good old conflict.

好的老衝突。

Thank you so much for meeting us.

非常感謝您能與我們見面。

Sure.

當然可以

What's this all about?

這到底是怎麼回事？

Why is there a lawyer?

為什麼會有律師？

He's gonna ask you not to speak to my client to direct all your questions to me.

他要你不要和我的客戶說話 把所有的問題都告訴我。

So what we have here is that on October 29 2020 you went into a verbal agreement with my client during a game of Qattan that in exchange for her or you would in fact, be a surrogate when she was ready.

所以，我們現在所掌握的情況是，在2020年10月29日，你與我的當事人在玩卡坦遊戲時達成了口頭協議，在她準備好後，作為交換，你或她事實上會成為一個代孕者。

Is that correct?

是這樣嗎？

That was a joke.

這是一個笑話。

I wasn't actually going to do that.

我其實不打算這麼做。

Joke How convenient.

笑話多方便。

Especially given that my client gave you all of her.

特別是考慮到我的客戶把她的所有東西都給了你。

Or during that game, a move which in effect, made her Luke Joeckel.

或者在那場比賽中，一招一式，實際上讓她成為了盧克-喬克爾。

What is this about?

這是怎麼回事？

Excuse me, Please don't speak to my client.

對不起，請不要和我的客戶說話。

Otherwise this meeting is over and we're gonna go straight into litigation.

否則會議結束，我們就會直接進入訴訟程序。

So what we have for you here is a very generous proposal.

所以，我們為你準備的是一個非常慷慨的建議。

You can either fulfill your surrogacy obligations within six months or in perpetuity.

你可以在六個月內履行代孕義務，也可以永久履行。

Every game night.

每個遊戲之夜。

You will give Ms Macedo all of your or you have until Monday to think about our offer.

你要給馬塞多小姐所有的錢，或者在週一之前考慮我們的提議。

And then, of course, you have survivors of incredibly talks that gun abusive families who don't know how toe have a direct conversation.

然後，當然，你有幸存者 令人難以置信的會談，槍虐待家庭 誰不知道如何有一個直接的對話。

Because this behavior was modeled for them as acceptable or they were taught.

因為這種行為是為他們樹立了可以接受的榜樣，或者是他們被教導的。

Direct conversations were just unsafe.

直接對話就是不安全。

Ever since I learned about triangulation, I see it everywhere now.

自從我學會了三角測量，現在到處都能看到它。

And my hope is that you do too.

我希望你也能這樣做。

And when you catch yourself doing it because you inevitably will remember that unclear is unkind.

而當你發現自己這樣做的時候，因為你難免會想起，不清楚是不善良的。

When we love people that means being honest with them.

當我們愛別人的時候，就意味著要對他們誠實。

That means, I mean a hard conversation.

這意味著，我是指硬性對話。

Every relationship is rupture and repair.

每一段關係都是破裂和修復。

Conflict is bound to happen, and it's the way we choose to deal with that conflict over time that creates fulfilling, honest, loving relationships.

衝突是一定會發生的，而我們選擇的處理衝突的方式，隨著時間的推移，會創造出充實、誠實、充滿愛的關係。

I'm Anaconda and thank you to the patrons who supported this video and thank you to better help for sponsoring today's video a while ago.

我是蟒蛇，感謝支持這個視頻的拍客，也感謝剛才贊助今天視頻的更好的幫助。

Better Help was embroiled in this drama due to someone pointing out legal jargon in their terms of service, which is actually perfectly normal for a company toe have.

更好的幫助被捲入這場戲劇，由於有人指出他們的服務條款中的法律術語，這實際上是完全正常的公司有。

But it got blown out of proportion, and I've since talked to them.

但事情被爆出來了，我後來跟他們談過。

I've also used their service before.

我之前也用過他們的服務。

My friends have used their service, and so I feel confident about this endorsement and their team and what they're about.

我的朋友們都用過他們的服務，所以我對這個背書和他們的團隊以及他們的服務有信心。

So all 11,000 plus counselors on better help, with no exceptions, are licensed, trained, experienced and accredited psychologist, marriage and family therapist, clinical social workers or licensed professional counselors.

所以，在更好的幫助上的11000多名諮詢師，無一例外都是經過許可、培訓、經驗和認證的心理學家、婚姻和家庭治療師、臨床社會工作者或持證專業諮詢師。

But our helps mission is to provide anyone facing life's challenges with easy, discreet, professional, convenient and affordable access to professional counseling with a licensed therapist.

但我們的使命是為任何面臨生活挑戰的人提供簡單、謹慎、專業、方便和負擔得起的專業諮詢，並由持牌治療師提供服務。

So you fill out a brief questionnaire about your history and what you like to work on, and then they match you with a therapist they think is gonna be really good.

所以你要填寫一份簡單的問卷，關於你的歷史和你喜歡的工作，然後他們會給你匹配一個他們認為會很好的治療師。

But I do want to say finding a therapist is like dating.

但我想說，找治療師就像約會一樣。

You should kind of keep seeing therapist until you find someone you really jive with.

你應該繼續看心理醫生，直到你找到一個真正合拍的人。

Sometimes that is on your first session, and sometimes it takes a few with better help.

有時這是在你的第一次會議上，有時需要幾次更好的幫助。

Scheduling is super easy and flexible, and you pay one low flat fee for unlimited counseling.

時間安排超級簡單和靈活，您只需支付一筆低額的統一費用，就可以進行無限次的諮詢。