Our heroes and heroines keep faith with those they love.

我們心中的英雄往往都對所愛之人保持著正面的信念。

They don't throw in the towel when trouble rears its head.

他們絕不會因為麻煩而輕易認輸。

They put up with the hardships and friction.

他們總會咬牙撐過所有艱辛與苦難。

Running away is disloyalty.

放棄是不忠誠的行為。

Many things are dispensable: people, shouldn't be.

很多東西是可有可無的：人們，不應該是被放棄的。

But this broad and generous truth can be in danger of missing out on an important caveat: that health and maturity may also require, at points, a subtle capacity to give up on one or two people.

但不能放棄他人的想法使人們忽略掉一個重要的警示，那就是某些時候考量到自身的健康與成熟，放棄他人是必須學習的能力。

Not always and indefinitely to keep giving them the benefit of the doubt, not invariably to forgive them one more time, not relentlessly to imagine the nice things they might really, really have meant beneath the thoughtless and unkind things they actually did and said.

不要總是替他找藉口；不要一而再再而三地給予機會；不要堅信著他的惡言惡行隱藏著善意。

We might need occasionally to despair of someone as the price to pay for keeping faith with ourselves.

我們偶爾要對某人感到徹底失望，才得以維持愛自己的信念。

It's in the lives of children that we see this inability to give up on someone, take on its starkest and most regrettable forms.

我們在孩童身上見識到永不放棄人的精神，在以最糟糕和令人後悔的方式呈現。

By their nature and circumstance, children can't give up on those entrusted with looking after them if and when the latter are disappointing or cruel.

由於孩子們的天性與所在的處境，他們無法放棄那些照看他們的人，儘管那些人既殘酷又令人失望。

Children present us with troubling examples of the impulse to keep going at any cost with a person who offers us love.

孩子們展現了不惜一切代價，也想和給予他們愛的人一起走下去的精神。

Even when that love is blended with the darkest and most unhealthy elements.

就算那份愛很黑暗且糟糕也在所不惜。

Even when beset by emotional neglect, coldness, unreliability, meanness, brusqueness, broken promises to improve and worse, children will think some of the following: "Maybe they will change."

儘管被忽略、冷漠、不安全感、不善、無理、背棄諾言等惡行所困擾著，孩子們依舊認為那些人遲早有一天會改變。

The child places infinite faith in the capacity of the loved one to evolve in a desired direction.

孩子對於大人遲早會善待自己的信念充滿著無限的希望。

Whatever the lack of outward evidence, the child imagines the caregiver coming to important realizations, rethinking their position, and seeing the light.

儘管毫無證據，小孩認為大人會有所領悟，重新審視自己的職責，並做出改變。

By a form of magical thinking, the child clings to the idea of the adult being on the cusp of transforming themselves into the person they so badly need them to be.

由於孩子們的思維模式，他們堅信大人總有一天會變成自己所期望的模樣。

"Maybe the outward behavior is bad, but inside they are good."

「也許大人的外在行為是不好的，但這其中一定包含著善意。」

Heaven knows. The outward stuff may not be pretty.

天知道呢，那些大人所表現出來的行為都是不太好的。

There might be shouting, stonewalling, outright beastliness, but the child holds on to the notion that - where it counts - the adult is good.

之中可能包含吼叫、阻礙或是淫猥...但孩子們總是抱持著「大人是善良的」的想法。

The fundamental truth about them must be sound: the center of them is sweet, touching, warm and decent.

小孩認為這些惡行都是合理的，這些舉止的背後原因必定是體貼、溫暖又友善的。

The child may be the butt of the adult's most vicious moods but they are, through it all, always also their most devoted and fervent defenders.

儘管小孩們是那些大人的發洩對象，卻依舊是他們最稱職的守護者。

"Maybe the problem is that I am bad."

「也許是我不好...」

The difficulties can't be disputed but their origins are up for grabs and here the child shows a tragically intense degree of imagination.

那些大人們的錯誤是不可否認的，這些舉動背後的原因無從得知，但孩子們仍堅持著「大人是善良的」的想法。

Yes, there is badness around, but that must be because they, the child, are ultimately somehow to blame.

的確有地方是錯的，但孩子總認為一定是自己做錯了，所以大人才會這樣對待他。

If only they could be different, the adult wouldn't be so tricky.

如果孩子能有所改變，大人就不會以這樣的態度對人。

There is one thought that must be warded off above all others: that the adult might just be a mean and self-serving mediocrity.

有一個想法是孩子所要先記住的：那些大人可能本性就是如此惡劣自私。

That is simply not possible.

但這是不可能的。

Better to be a monster or wretch oneself than to have ended up in the hands of a parent unworthy of respect.

小孩們寧可自認是野獸或卑劣之人，也不想去相信他們的父母是不值得尊敬的對象。

"No one and nothing else could be better."

「沒人能比父母更好了。」

Children have no options.

孩子們別無選擇。

They can't run away, begin again or say they've had enough.

他們無法逃離現狀，重新來過，抑或或是表達真實的想法。

The world isn't broad.

他們的世界很狹隘。

The best of childhoods is an open prison.

最好的童年即是開放式監獄。

Therefore, children don't even picture themselves in other circumstances.

因此，小孩根本不會去想像他們生活在與現在不同的情況下。

What is has to be.

對孩子來說，本是什麼就該什麼。

Those who have most to complain about often don't even raise their voice.

最該替自己爭取權益的卻沉默不語。

Frighteningly, each of these positions has its adult equivalent.

令人畏懼的每個這樣的個體都有其相對應的成人體。

In certain unfulfilling relationships, we may have as much of a skill as the most unfortunate child—probably the child we once were—at the art of justifying why we are here, why we are to blame, why they're innocent and why we cannot move.

在某些不完美的關係中，我們也跟那些最不幸的小孩一樣 (也許就是曾經的你)，能夠合理化身處的狀況、能夠解釋為什麼我們應當被譴責、為什麼他人都是無辜的以及為什麼我們不應該向前邁進。

It is we in particular, those remorselessly skilled at not giving up, who need to hear a curious-sounding lesson in being, sometimes, a little less loyal.

特別是往往堅持不放棄的我們，必須要經過一些經歷才能學習放棄他人的能力。

We need to hear that, surprisingly, some people just don't change: that their characters have been bolted shut through trauma and there is no chance that they will ever, whatever they may say and however intensely they promise, display any evolution.

我們必須接受某些人就是無法改變，他們可能因受創傷而造就這種無法改變的個性，不管他們說什麼或是給予什麼承諾，都不可能有所變化。

We need to hear that surprisingly, some people aren't entirely good and we aren't necessarily the problem.

我們必須了解，某些人不完全是個好人，而我們不一定是問題所在。

We need to learn to blame and get annoyed with someone other than ourselves.

我們必須學會責怪某人，或被某人惹惱，而不是對自己這麼做。

We need to do something very strange: walk away.

我們必須做出一個陌生的舉動：轉身離開。

This is no sign of cowardice or weakness of character.

這不是懦弱或脆弱的表現。

It's a sign that we have finally learnt to love ourselves and so place our needs where these should always have been: at the center of our considerations.

這是一種終於學會自愛且把自己的需求放在首位的表現。

Deciding whether stay in or leave a relationship is one of the trickiest and most consequential decisions we can face.

決定要在一段感情中留下或離開，是人生中面對最棘手且重要的決定之一。

Our "stay or leave?" card game can help us towards an answer—click now to learn more.

我們的「留下或離開」卡牌遊戲可以幫助你找尋答案，點擊以了解更多。