B1 中級 美國腔 108 分類 收藏
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Hope you had a good weekend.
I HAD A GOOD WEEKEND.
WE DID A LOT OF STUFF THIS
WEEKEND.
BUT I HAVE TO SAY, EVEN THOUGH I
WAS HAVING A PERFECTLY GOOD TIME
THIS WEEKEND AT ONE POINT I
WISHED I COULD COME IN TO WORK
AND GO STRAIGHT ONTO THE AIR
BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP -- YOU KNOW
THAT GUY?
OKAY.
OUR PRESIDENT DONALD JUMANJI
TRUMP ON FRIDAY SAID SOMETHING
THAT MIGHT TOP OFF ALL THE
THINGS HE SAID.
THE BEST WORDS, STABLE GENIUS,
COVFEFE, ALL OF THEM MAY PALE
COMPARED TO WHAT HE SHARED ON
FRIDAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE'S
SMALL BUSINESS ROUND TABLE
EVENT.
>> WE HAVE A SITUATION WHERE
WE'RE LOOKING VERY STRONGLY AT
SINKS AND SHOWERS.
AND OTHER ELEMENTS OF BATHROOMS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHERE YOU TURN THE FAUCET ON AND
IN AREAS WHERE THERE'S
TREMENDOUS AMOUNTS OF WATER
WHERE THE WATER RUSHES OUT TO
SEA BECAUSE YOU COULD NEVER
HANDLE IT.
AND YOU DON'T GET ANY WATER.
YOU TURN ON THE FAUCET AND YOU
DON'T GET ANY WATER.
THEY TAKE A SHOWER AND WATER
COMES DRIPPING OUT.
IT'S DRIPPING OUT VERY QUIETLY
DRIPPING OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
PEOPLE ARE FLUSHING TOILETS 10
TIMES, 15 TIMES AS OPPOSED TO
ONCE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: 15 TIMES?
WHAT ARE YOU EATING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE ONLY TIME YOU FLUSH A TOILET
15 TIMES IS IF THE D.E.A. IS
BANGING ON YOUR DOOR AND YOU
HAVE A KILO OF COCAINE UP YOU.
THAT'S NOT NORMAL.
HE INSTRUCTED THE HEAD OF THE
EPA TO LOOK INTO THIS.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
YOU'RE THE HEAD OF THE
ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY.
YOU GET A CALL FROM THE
PRESIDENT COMPLAINING ABOUT THE
WATER PRESSURE IN HIS TOILET.
THIS IS LIKE IF HE CALLED THE
DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE TO
HAVE THEM REPLACE A DIVOT ON HIS
GOLF COURSE.
IT'S NUTS.
BUT APPARENTLY THIS IS A BIG
ISSUE FOR ANTI-REGULATION
CONSERVATIVES, AND TRUMP IS
EMBRACING IT.
HE EVEN HAS A NEW CAMPAIGN
SLOGAN.
DRAIN THE TOILET.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHICH NOW THAT THE SWAMP IS
EMPTY WHY NOT?
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR US TO
REMEMBER WE MAY NEVER SEE
ANYTHING LIKE THIS EVER AGAIN.
BUT THE PRESIDENT SPENT MUCH OF
THE WEEKEND THIS WEEKEND
DRAINING HIS CELL PHONE.
HE TWEETED 105 TIMES YESTERDAY.
THAT'S MORE THAN HE FLUSHED THIS
WEEKEND.
OKAY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE TWEETED, HE RETWEETED, AND HE
RETWEETED HIMSELF.
I ALMOST FEEL BAD FOR HIS
SUPPORTERS.
THEY HAD TO SPEND THE WHOLE DAY
TAPPING LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE,
LIKE.
AND NOT ONLY DID HE RETWEET, HE
RERETWEETED THIS PIECE OF WORK.
THIS PHOTOGRAPH OF HIS HEAD ON
SYLVESTER STALLONE'S BODY.
DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS THAT ISN'T
HIM?
DO YOU THINK MAYBE HE'S SO OUT
OF IT HE THINKS HE POSED FOR
THIS PICTURE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
TRUMP'S WEEK IS OFF TO A ROCKY
START TOO.
THERE WAS MORE TESTIMONY IN THE
HOUSE TODAY AS WE HEARD FROM
LAWYERS FOR THE LEFT AND RIGHT
WHO LAID OUT THEIR ARGUMENTS FOR
AND AGAINST IMPEACHMENT.
THE ATTORNEY FOR THE
REPUBLICANS, THIS GUY STEVE
CASTOR, HE WAS THE SAD-LOOKING
GENTLEMAN FROM THE HEARINGS A
COUPLE WEEKS AGO.
HE SHOWED UP.
IS IT A GOOD SIGN WHEN YOUR
LAWYER'S BRIEFCASE IS A GROCERY
SACK?
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS HOPING IT WAS FULL OF --
HE HAD NOTEBOOKS IN THERE AND A
LOST INCRIM
LOT OF INCRIMINATING KALE CHIPS.
REPUBLICANS TRIED TO MUCK THINGS
UP FROM THE GET-GO.
THEY STOPPED THE CHAIRMAN OF THE
HOUSE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE JERRY
NADLER A THOUSAND TIMES.
THE FIRST TIME WITHIN SECONDS OF
HIS OPENING REMARKS.
>> THE HOUSE COMMITTEE ON THE
JUDICIARY WILL COME TO ORDER.
WITHOUT OBJECTION THE CHAIR'S
AUTHORIZED TO DECLARE RECESSES
OF THE COMMITTEE --
>> OBJECT.
>> OBJECTION NOTED.
>> Jimmy: WE'RE OFF TO A FLYING
STOP.
THAT'S HOW THE WHOLE THING WENT.
THE REPUBLICANS -- THEY DON'T
REALLY HAVE A DEFENSE.
THE PLAN IS TO LAY DOWN AS MANY
PI
SPEED BUMPS AS POSSIBLE.
THE STRATEGY WAS TO RUN OUT THE
CLOCK WITH POINT OF ORDER AFTER
POINT OF ORDER.
>> POINT OF ORDER.
>> YOU MADE A RULING ON THE
POINT OF ORDER.
>> YOU MADE A RULING ON THE
POINT OF ORDER, MR. CHAIRMAN.
>> THE GENTLEMAN FROM GEORGIA --
>> POINT OF ORDER.
>> POINT OF ORDER.
>> MR. CHAIRMAN, YOU HAVE TO
RECOGNIZE --
>> THE GENTLEMAN WILL STATE HIS
POINT OF ORDER.
>> MR. CHAIRMAN, MY POINT OF
ORDER IS THIS.
IN THE PREVIOUS POINT OF ORDER
YOU RULED AGAINST HIS POINT OF
ORDER.
>> LU LET HIM FINISH HIS POINT
OF ORDER, PLEASE?
>> MAKE HIS POINT OF ORDER.
>> MY POINT OF ORDER IS THAT YOU
WERE OUT OF ORDER IN YOUR
RULING.
>> I MADE A POINT OF ORDER AND
YOU WON'T RULE ON IT.
>> I HAVE NOT HEARD A POINT OF
ORDER.
>> CHAIRMAN --
>> THE GENTLEMAN HAS A POINT OF
ORDER, STATE YOUR POINT OF
ORDER.
ZPLT POINT OF ORDER IS THIS.
>> THAT IS A POINT OF ORDER.
>> THAT IS NOT A POINT OF ORDER.
>> THAT IS NOT A POINT OF ORDER.
THE COMMITTEE IS IN ORDER.
>> WELL, WOULD YOU RULE ON MY
ORIGINAL POINT OF ORDER?
>> THAT IS NOT A POINT OF ORDER.
>> IT IS A POINT OF ORDER.
>> IT'S NOT A POINT OF ORDER.
[ SPEAKING SIMULTANEOUSLY ]
>> THAT'S MY POINT OF ORDER.
HE SHOULD NOT BE UP HERE.
>> IT'S NOT A POINT OF ORDER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THIS WHOLE COURT IS
POINT OF ORDER!
IT WAS QUITE A DAY TODAY.
AND WITH ALL THIS ACRIMONY GOING
BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE
PARTIES THE WHITE HOUSE
SHOCKINGLY REACHED A DEAL WITH
HOUSE DEMOCRATS.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
IMPEACHMENT.
THAT'S HAPPENING.
THE DEAL IS THAT TRUMP WILL GET
TO CREATE HIS SPACE FORCE AND IN
EXCHANGE THE DEMOCRATS GET NEW
PARENTAL LEAVE BENEFITS FOR
FEDERAL WORKERS.
IT'S EXCITING.
NOW FEDERAL EMPLOYEES WILL BE
ABLE TO SPEND 12 WEEKS WITH
THEIR NEWBORN CHILDREN BEFORE
THEY ARE SHOT INTO OUTER SPACE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OR I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WORKS
EXACTLY.
THIS MUST HAVE BEEN A TOUGH
NEGOTIATION FOR MIKE PENCE
BECAUSE ON THE ONE HAND HE
DESPERATELY WANTS TO BE OUR
SPACE COMMANDER BUT ON THE OTHER
HAND HE GETS A PANIC ATTACK
ANYTIME ANYONE MENTIONS FEMALE
REPRODUCTION.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT IT'S A RARE SIGN OF
COOPERATION BETWEEN PARTIES.
AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, DONALD
TRUMP SUPPORTS PAID FAMILY
LEAVE.
YOU KNOW, HE PAID MARLA AND
IVANA TO LEAVE THE FAMILY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MEANWHILE, THE PRESIDENT'S
LAWYER, RUDY GIULIANI, HAS BEEN
PREPPING HIS OWN CASE IN
UKRAINE.
HE'S BEEN THERE.
TRUMP SAYS HE PLANS TO DELIVER A
REPORT BASED ON NEW INFORMATION
HE UNCOVERED THERE LAST WEEK.
GIULIANI HAS EXTENSIVE TIES TO
THE REGION, BOTH THROUGH HIS
LEGAL WORK AND HIS EXTENDED
FAMILY IN NEARBY TRANSYLVANIA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND NOW ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS
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吉米夜現場!川普的最新廁所政策 (Trump's New Toilet Initiative)

108 分類 收藏
Helena 發佈於 2019 年 12 月 10 日
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