No books, no homework...just ideas.

沒有書，沒有作業...只有創意的點子。

O Captain! My Captain!

喔，船長！我的船長！

Awesome.

棒呆了。

Every teacher ever.

天下的老師都是一樣的。

Mr. Berke, can I please go to the bathroom?

Berke 老師，我能去廁所嗎？

I don't know, CAN you?

我不知道，你能嗎？

Fine. May I go?

好啦。請問我可以去嗎？

I don't know, may you?

我不知道，請問你可以嗎？

Yes, I can physically go to the bathroom.

可以，我體能上可以去廁所。

Now may I please go?

拜託，現在我可以去嗎？

Whatever. Just go, I guess.

隨便，就去吧！

Never mind.

算了。

Every teacher ever.

天下的老師都是一樣的。

Chapter three: Your Vagina and You.

第三章：陰道與我。

Really, ladies? Passing notes.

小姐們，真的嗎？傳紙條。

Let's just see what was so important it couldn't wait until after...

我們就來看看甚麼東西重要到不能下課...

Oh my god, are you serious?

我的天啊，你是認真的嗎？

Katie is such a b**ch sl*t!

Katie 真的是個 X 女人！

Stick around after class.

下課後留下來。

Like, we totally have to discuss.

我們一定要討論一下。

Wait? What?

等等，什麼？

- That sl*t what? - Huh?

- X 婦說什麼？- 蛤？

- Sorry, wh*re what? - I...I don't...

- 對不起，* 子說什麼？ - 我，我不...

- Basic b**ch says what? - Really?

- 膚淺女人說什麼？ -真的嗎？

Sorry, wh*re what? Sl*t what?

對不起，* 子你說什麼？

Every teacher ever.

天下的老師都是一樣的。

All right, guys, before we get started, we need to have a conversation about safety, okay?

好的，同學們，開始前我們要來談一下安全須知，好嗎？

You need to be safe around saws or this could happen to you!

在鋸子周遭時要小心，不然你就會變這樣！

I'm just kidding, guys.

大家我只是在開玩笑的。

But for reals, you need to be careful while...

但說真的，真的要小心使用...

Teacher.

老師。

Okay, class, so none of you want to be inspired by poetry.

好的，同學們，你們沒有人想要以詩詞激發靈感。

I get it.

我懂。

So how about we... watch a movie!

不如我們就來 ... 看電影吧！

Oh-ho-ho! Teach is cool.

哇哈哈！教書酷！

Why would we watch a movie?

我們為什麼會想看電影？

We came here to learn, d*ckhead.

我們是來學習的，豬頭。

What the f*ck is wrong with you guys?

你們到底哪裡有問題？

Teeeeach.

教教教教書。

And don't forget that you have essays due on Thursday.

不要忘記星期四要交作文。

Class dismissed.

下課。

I'm so happy you stayed after class, Bobby.

Bobby 我很高興你下課留下來。

I think we can learn a lot from each other.

我認為我們可以多了解彼此。

Uh, cool, but can we hurry it up?

呃，好，但我們可以快一點嗎？

My parents are throwing me a surprise 18th birthday party.

我爸媽要替我辦一個驚喜 18 歲生日派對。

Wait... you're 18?

等等.... 你 18 歲？

Yeah.

對啊。

Oh my god. Too old!

天啊，太老了。

You disgust me.

你讓我感到噁心。

Was that a pop quiz?

剛剛那是隨堂小考嗎？

Chalkboard!

黑板！

Seriously?

認真地嗎？

Give me the ball.

把球給我。

Give me the ball!

把球給我！

All right, now, this is how you peg a dweeb.

好的，這就是如何用球打怪胎。

Give me the ball!

把球給我！

Give me the ball.

把球給我。

One more, come on!

快點，再來一球！

You're going down!

你輸定了！

Oh!

噢！

Yeah! Woo! Ha ha!

耶！哈哈哈！

I am the coolest f*cking kid in school! Yeah!

耶！我是全校最他 X 酷的小孩。

Every teacher.

天下的老師。

All right, class, today we're going to talk about being safe when we have intercourse.

好的，同學們，我們今天要來談談性行為的安全措施。

Uh, too late, b*tch.

呃，太晚了。

Mr. Teacher.

老師先生。

Eyes on your own paper, Mr. Thompson!

Thompson 同學，只能看自己的考卷！

No backtalk!

不准回嘴！

Showing our ankles to the public, are we, Miss Lancaster?

把腳踝大方示眾嘛，Lancaster 同學？

Touch me with that ruler, and it's your job, old man.

再用尺碰我一次，老頭你就完蛋了，準備失業吧。

It's 2015.

現在是 2015 年。

You can't get away with that sh*t anymore.

你不能再這樣亂搞了。

That sounds precisely like something a witch would say!

那聽起來就像女巫會說的話！

Wiiiitch! Witch!

女女女巫巫巫！女巫！

She's a witch!

他是個女巫！

Take her away!

把她帶走！

The trial is at dusk.

黃昏開始審判。

- A witch! - What the hell?!

- 女巫！- 什麼鬼？！

I don't get any of these jokes because I'm homeschooled!

因為我在家自學所以都不懂這些笑話！

Man, teachers are lucky.

老師們也太幸運了吧！

They even have the lounge.

他們還有休息室。

Man, I bet it's so awesome in there.

那裡面一定很讚。

Forget it.

算了。

Oh! Hot! Hot! Hot!

噢！好燙，好燙，好燙！

Every teacher ever.

天下的老師都是一樣的。

Hey, guys, thanks so much for subscribing.

大家好，感謝您訂閱。

Click the video on the left to watch bloopers from this video and this.

按下左邊的影片來看花絮和像這樣的影片。

And click the video on the right to check out Every Break Up Ever.

案左邊的影片來看「天下的分手都是一樣的」。

I'm just not gay.

我就不是同性戀。

You're not gay?

你不是同性戀？

For you.

對你來說。

And if you're on a phone or tablet, all the stuff we just mentioned are in the description below.

如果你是用手機或平板，我們剛剛說的東西都會在下方資訊欄。