This first one is from @RoeyCustard.

這第一張是@羅伊芥末的。

-Mmm! -She says...

-她說...-她說...

I dropped my brand-new phone in water. My dad said to "just put it in the microwave for a few seconds."

我把我嶄新的手機掉進了水裡。爸爸說 "放進微波爐裡幾秒鐘就好了"。

I had to buy a new phone, he had to buy a new microwave.

我得買個新手機，他得買個新微波爐。

That's not good.

這不是很好。

This one is from @MrPibb4life. He says...

這個是@Pibb4life先生的。他說...

I once drank a beer bong full of Jägermeister while sitting in a hot tub because my buddy said, "You can't get drunk at sea level."

我有一次坐在熱水浴缸裡喝了滿滿一啤酒瓶的耶格梅酒。

Well, that's -- That's not -- That's...

那不是... 那是...

That is not -- That's bad advice.

這不是... ... 這是不好的建議。

That's false.

-那是假的-這不是真的

You know it's not true.

你知道這不是真的。

Yeah, the Navy should know that.

-是的，海軍應該知道這一點。

It's true.

-是真的[笑聲]

This one's from @kinkyturtle.

這個是@金龜子的。

She says, "The guy at the hardware store told my friend that turpentine would remove paint from her hair. It did. It also removed her hair."

她說...-嗯...

What are you cryin' about?

-你在哭什麼？

-The paint's gone. -Technically, it worked.

-油漆不見了.-技術上來說，它成功了.

This one's from @d nnykingsl y. -Ooh!

這張是@d nnykingsl y發來的 哦!

-Rather. -Rather.

-寧願。-寧願。

Where's he from?

-他是哪裡人？

Good day to you, sir.

-你好，先生

-Danny Kingsley. -Danny Kingsley.

-丹尼・金斯利。-丹妮・金斯利。

I don't know if that's how he talks.

我不知道他是不是這樣說話的。

But Danny Kingsley.

但丹尼-金斯利。

He says, "My dad told me to always fry bacon shirtless so you never get grease strains."

他說...

Third-degree burns all over his stomach.

肚子上都是三度燒傷。

-Are those freckles? -No, they're not freckles.

-那是雀斑嗎？-不，他們不是雀斑.

They're scars.

他們是傷疤。

They're grease scars. That's bad.

他們是油疤。這是很糟糕的。

Turpentine will get those out, man.

-汽油會把這些東西弄出來的，夥計。

Thanks for the advice.

-謝謝你的建議

You know my doctor -- Dr. Pepper.

你知道我的醫生... 胡椒醫生。

-Yeah. Dr. Pepper. -Yeah.

-是的是的 - Dr. Pepper.-是的

This one's from @canadianlinz. She said, "I was going for a job interview, and my brother told me to maintain constant eye contact with the interviewer and never blink."

這個是@canadianlinz的。她說...

Tell me about Casual Friday.

跟我說說《休閒星期五》吧。

I'm really excited to work here. I'm a people person.

我真的很興奮能在這裡工作。我是一個人的人。

This one's from @To neo71. He says, "When my wife said, "Don't get me anything for my birthday," my friend told me not to get her anything to prove that I'm a "good listener.""

這個是@杜新宇71發來的。他說...

No. That's bad advice. That is bad advice, dude.

不，這是個糟糕的建議。這是不好的建議，夥計。

Oh, my goodness. -No.

哦，我的天啊-不

This one's from ScrangelaSaurus.

-這個是ScrangelaSaurus送來的

She says, "My friend once told me, "You should smoke weed before a job interview, so if you show up to work stoned they won't know the difference."

她說...

Where do I see myself in five years?

五年後我覺得自己在哪裡？

Taco Bell.

塔可鍾。

This last one's from @liz nawrocki.

最後一張是@liz nawrocki的。

She says, "My doctor told me to "go to see a real doctor."

她說...

Oh, wow. That's bad advice.

哦，哇。這是不好的建議。

There you have it.

你有了它。

Those are "Tonight Show Hashtags."

這些都是 "今夜秀標籤"。

To check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.

要查看更多我們的最愛。去tonightshow.com/hashtags。