It is extraordinarily hard to secure even basic insights into our characters and motivations – of a kind that we hope

即使是對我們自我性格與動機的基本認識也格外困難

can free us from some of the neuroses and compulsions that spoil so much of our lives.

我們希望所謂的認識自我可以讓我們從嚴重破壞我們的生活的神經質與強迫症中解脫

It is therefore especially humbling and at moments truly dispiriting to realise that

因此特別讓人感到慚愧，且在某個時刻真的讓人沮喪的意識到

dispelling ignorance of our psyches with knowledge isn't going to be enough by itself. Or rather,

靠著知識來消除對自我心理狀態的無知是不夠的。更確切地說

we stand to realise that there is going to need to be a further and yet more arduous

我們逐漸瞭解到我們還需要更努力、更費力的觀察

distinction to observe between knowing something about ourselves intellectually and knowing about it emotionally.

在理性地認識自我與感性地認識自我間有甚麼樣的差別

We might, for example, come to an intellectual understanding that

我們或許，舉例來說，終於在理性上瞭解

we are timid around figures of authority because our father was a remote and distant figure

我們對於權威有所膽怯，因為我們的父親是個冷漠、疏遠的形象

who didn't give us some of the support and love we needed to tolerate ourselves.

他沒有給我們需要的支持與愛護，讓我們能對自己寬容

Assembling this insight into our characters might be the work of many years and, having reached

將這些支持與愛融入我們的性格中可能要花好幾年的功夫，並且在達成之後

it, we could reasonably expect that our problems with timidity and authority would then abate.

我們可以合理預期我們害怕權威的問題可以減緩

But the mind's knots are sadly not so simple to unpick. An intellectual understanding of

但難過地是心結並不那麼容易解開。在理性上對過去的瞭解

the past, though not wrong, won't by itself be effective in the sense of being able to

雖然不是錯的，但它本身並不能有效的

release us from the true intensity of our neurotic symptoms. For this, we have to edge

讓我們真正擺脫神經質症狀。因此，我們必須緩緩地朝向更近距離

our way towards a far more close-up, detailed, visceral appreciation of where we have come

更詳細的、更深一層地了解我們的原生家庭

from and what we have suffered. We need to strive for what we can call an emotional understanding

以及我們承受的一切。我們必須努力對於過去做出所謂的感性的理解

of the past – as opposed to a top-down, abbreviated intellectual one. We will have

而不是自上而下，簡略的理性理解。我們需要

to re-experience at a novelistic level of detail a whole set of scenes from our early

像小說情節般詳細的重新經歷我們早期生活的一系列場景

life in which our problems around fathers and authority were formed. We will need to

那樣的場景有關自身與父親的問題及權威的形成。我們必須

let our imaginations wonder back to certain moments that have been too unbearable to keep

讓自己回想起那些太難以忍受以致於失去生活意義的時刻

alive in a three-dimensional form in our active memories (our mind liking, unless actively prompted,

那樣的回憶栩栩如生的保存在我們的記憶中 (我們的心彷彿

to reduce most of what we've been through to headings rather than the full story,

會將我們經歷的一切精簡成一個標題，而非整個故事，除非積極提起

a document which it shelves in remote locations of the inner library). We need not only to

否則就像一份文檔被擱置在我們腦海中的圖書館深處)。我們不只需要知道

know that we had a difficult relationship with our father, we need to relive the sorrow

我們與父親的關係不佳，我們也必須再次體驗如此的不幸

as if it were happening to us today. We need to be back in his book lined study when we

就像它今天再次發生一樣。我們需要回到他正在專注閱讀的時候

would have been not more than six; we need to remember the light coming in from the garden,

在那時我們還未滿 6 歲；我們需要記得從花園穿透進來的燈光、

the corduroy trousers we were wearing, the sound of our father's voice as it reached

當時穿著的燈芯絨褲、使我們倍感焦躁不安的父親的聲音、

its pitch of heightened anxiety, the rage he flew into because we had not met his expectations,

因為我們沒有達到他的期望招致的憤怒、

the tears that ran down our cheeks, the shouting that followed us as we ran out into the corridor,

從我們臉頰滑落的淚珠、在我們奔向走廊時的哭喊、

the feeling that we wanted to die and that everything good was destroyed. We need the

生無可戀的感受、還有一切美好都被摧毀的感受。我們需要的

novel, not the essay. Psychotherapy has long recognised this distinction. It knows that

是小說，不是短文。心理治療早就分辨出其中的差別。它知道

thinking is hugely important – but on its own, within the therapeutic process itself,

思考十分地重要－但就其本身而言，在療程中

it is not the key to fixing our psychological problems. Psychotherapy insists on a crucial difference

它並不是治癒我們心理問題的關鍵。心理治療堅持

between broadly recognising that we were shy as a child and re-experiencing, in its full

我們普遍認為自己如孩子般害羞與重新體驗相同強度的經歷

intensity, what it was like to feel cowed, ignored and in constant danger of being rebuffed or mocked;

像再次感到威脅感、無視感，以及不斷面對被拒絕或嘲笑的風險，兩者是截然不同的

the difference between knowing, in an abstract way, that our mother wasn't

在認知的差異中，用抽象的方式來說，我們的母親

much focused on us when we were little and reconnecting with the desolate feelings we

在我們還小的時候並沒有太過專注在我們身上，以及當我們試著跟她分享我們的需求時

had when we tried to share certain of our needs with her. Therapy builds on the idea

會再次感受到心冷的感覺。心理治療建立在

of a return to live feelings. It's only when we're properly in touch with feelings

回到當時的生活感受上。只有當我們適當的碰觸到那些感受

that we can correct them with the help of our more mature faculties – and thereby

才能藉由我們成熟的感官來導正它們－從而

address the real troubles of our adult lives. Oddly (and interestingly) this means intellectual

解決我們成人生活中真正的麻煩。奇怪地（也很有趣地）這意味著理性的人

people can have a particularly tricky time in therapy. They get interested in the ideas.

在療程中會有較棘手的時期。他們對這個想法很感興趣

But they don't so easily recreate and exhibit the pains and distresses of their earlier,

但他們不會輕易重現和展示出他們早期的痛苦與不幸

less sophisticated selves, though it's actually these parts of who we all are that need to

以及單純的自我，儘管事實上我們都有這一部分的自我需要

be encountered, listened to and – perhaps for the first time – comforted and reassured.

去面對、聆聽並且－或許是第一次－需要被安慰、被安撫

We need, to get fully better, to go back in time, perhaps every week or so for a few years,

我們需要變得更好、適當的回到過去，或許每週的某個時間且持續好些年

and deeply relive what it was like to be us at five and nine and fifteen –

深深地再次體驗當我們 5 歲、9 歲、以及 15 歲時的感受

and allow ourselves to weep and be terrified and furious in accordance with the reality of the situation.

並允許我們自己根據現實情況哭泣、恐懼與憤怒

And it is on the basis of this kind of hard-won emotional knowledge, not its more painless

就是基於這種得來不意的感性知識中，而不是比較不痛苦的

intellectual kind, that we may one day, with a fair wind, discover a measure of relief from some of the troubles within us.

理性知識中，我們可能有一天，順其自然的，會從自己的煩惱中發現緩解的措施

Our dictionary features the language of emotional intelligence.

我們的字典以情商語言為特色

Too often, we struggle to find the right words to explain what we mean; this dictionary is

我們經常很難找到一個對的詞彙來解釋我們的意思；這個字典

a tool to help us convey our true emotions and intentions with economy and precision.

就是個幫助我們以經濟又精確的傳達我們真實情緒與意圖的工具