the MCU finally went black,

putting out a black crewed, black cast superhero movie that's one of the best ever released,

leaving its haters with only one option:

watching every other MCU movie ever made.

"Hmm."

Just when you though Chadwick Boseman had called dibs on every black icon,

he's suiting up as Black Panther,

a superhero with the high-tech suit of Iron Man,

the all-natural steroids of Captain America,

and the invisible jet of Wonder Woman.

But one thing sets him apart from all the other MCU heroes,

not 'cause he's black,

not 'cause he's royalty.

Nope, it's 'cause this Marvel hero...

just...

won't...

quip.

"Help, people are shooting at me! Wait, let me put on my helmet."

"Enough."

"You froze."

"Ah."

"We will not...

help you."

"Did he freeze?"

"Like an antelope in headlights."

"Hehehehe."

"Are you finished?"

Wow, his dad just died and he didn't even crack a joke?

I thought you had to be a smartass to save the world.

"Dance-off, bro!"

Journey to Wakanda,

a combination of The Jetsons and a 1990's Jet magazine.

It's the source of all the world's vibranium,

a material so powerful,

it tops Tony Stark's tech and Doctor Strange's magic

as the BS that can do whatever the script needs it to do.

"There's vibranium on those trains?"

"There's vibranium all around us.

It's how I healed you."

This secret kingdom has been hidden for centuries,

thanks to an iron-clad policy of...

asking people not to say anything.

"You speak nothing of this day."

But after sitting out the slave trade,

brutal dictators,

2 World Wars,

multiple alien invasions,

and a sentient AI using stolen vibranium to destroy the Earth,

they're finally ready to get involved.

In bay area real estate.

"I bought this building.

And that building.

And that one over there."

Kitten steps, you guys.

After taking 18 movies to get 6 quality villains,

cry as Marvel just takes 3 movies to cut it back to 2.

Maybe one.

But for one shining moment,

we had Klaue,

Andy Serkis's joyous portrayal of a guy who doesn't have to wear a mo-cap suit,

"That was awesome, that was awesome!"

and Killmonger,

Michael B. Jordan's Michael Jordan of Marvel villains.

"Hey, Auntie."

He's the buffest dude to ever graduate from MIT

who's ripped for your pleasure

and who actually wins the moral argument and changes the hero's mind.

"Where was Wakanda?"

"All of you are wrong...

to turn your backs on the rest of the world!"

So wait, Killmonger was right?

I am not used to this much nuance in my Marvel villains.

Quick, make him choke an old lady so I know who to root for!

Phew! Oh, there he is.

While the boys are at play,

it's the women of Black Panther who do all the work,

like Okoye,

literal snatcher of wigs,

Shuri,

expert in weaponized memes,

"WHAT ARE THOSE?!"

Angela Bassett as herself,

and Nakia,

who after all the debate between T'Challa and Killmonger,

was making the same case all along and never got the credit for it.

"Wakanda is strong enough to help others and protect ourselves at the same time."

Also, she saved the royal family.

"Let's go!"

Also, she saved the future of the Black Panther.

Wow, I am not used to this much agency in my Marvel love interest.

Quick, have her get rescued so I know who the heroes are!

"Get down!"

Phew!

So enjoy this movie with great acting,

"I must right these wrongs."

a great story,

great themes,

and great culture significance

that almost lets you forget the underdeveloped love stories,

"Would you kill me, my love?"

the terrible CGI,

or the big, forgettable third act bruhaha.

In other words,

it's a Marvel movie.

You know, his heart's in the right place, but maybe don't let Everett Ross keep any guys with one arm in custody?

The guy is 0 for 2